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A trivial playground matter but am still sad

(12 Posts)
frazzledgirl Wed 08-Oct-08 12:33:01

I work part-time and during mat leave made some fab mum friends. One I saw 3 times a week at least, continued to see her once a week when I went back to work this summer.

She went back to work a few weeks ago, and since then have barely seen her, although we said we'd catch up regularly. She has a couple of afternoons a week, only one of which I can do, but keeps 'forgetting' to text me back, or says she's made arrangements to see another friend (who doesn't work and could do the other afternoon), can I fit in round that etc etc etc.

Last week she said she'd been rubbish and let's do lunch today. I texted this morning... no answer. I called an hour ago... no answer.

I hate that I feel like a small whiny child about this (also a little narked that have no lunch in as thought I was going out!).

Is there ever anything you can say?

I don't think I've done anything wrong, btw, and we were really close.

belgo Wed 08-Oct-08 12:35:16

she's probably just very busy, adjusting to going back to work, forgetting to check her mobile phone, and trying to catch up with everything when she does have an afternoon off. Try not to take it personally.

wannaBe Wed 08-Oct-08 12:37:05

I just wouldn't bother with her any more tbh.

She's obviously completely unreliable and you can do without friends like that in your life imo.

PeterCushi0n Wed 08-Oct-08 12:39:27

She's probably knackered, and feeling a bit crap that she's letting people down.
Give her a while to get into the swing of things.
Invite her around at the weekend, and see if that is easier for her to commit to.

Sanctuary Wed 08-Oct-08 12:42:48

She could of texted you back to why she could`nt make it.That does`nt take any effort.

I would be really pied off if that happened to me .

Overmydeadbody Wed 08-Oct-08 12:44:31

If she only went back to work a few weeks ago then give her more time to settle, it is probably not deliberate at all.

I tend to disappear off my friend's radar if I'm going throuigh stressful times. The good ones know this and stick around patiently for me to get back in conjtact with them.

quinne Wed 08-Oct-08 19:54:17

I'm a bit guilty of doing this sort thing - basically over-promising and then making even more undo-able promises when I have let someone down on the first promise. I'm also guilty of wanting to hide from the shame when I have to let them down on the second promise too, though usually i steel myself to tell them rather than make it even worse for myself by standing them up.
I don't mean to do it, I just think I can fit more into my week than I really can and something has to give.
If your friend is like me then she will be screwed up with embarrassment right now at how stupid she has been. But also if she is like me then the worst thign you can do is contact her now for an explanation because she will be beging to feel like you are her stalker. Best option is to give her an exit where she doesn't have to admit that she is a complete idiot and very rude too - "did we have lunch arranged for today or next week? I can't remember. Hope I didn't stand you up..."

I know it is not a good trait in me but I just find it hard to say no to friends. Maybe your friend is the same.

yomellamoHelly Wed 08-Oct-08 19:56:46

Sometimes life does move on. We do have friends that fit better with the different stages you go through as a mum. I'd keep trying every few weeks for a while. Then stop if you still get no joy.

tigermoth Wed 08-Oct-08 19:59:53

good advice from quinne about giving your friend a get out clause. Give her some lee way, and accept her life is busy and you can't meet up as much, but if she is still letting you down at the last minute six months down the line, then time to distance yourself.

Littlefish Wed 08-Oct-08 19:59:54

Oh god, I do this. I have a couple of afternoons a week when dd and I can meet friends. I want to see everyone and keep saying "oh yes, it would be lovely to meet up". But then, real life takes over, jobs need to be done etc. etc. etc. I really do mean to fix things up and sometimes manage to, but there are about 10 friends I want to meet up with, which means a 5 week rotation of seeing them each once (as long as I don't do any jobs! blush

Please don't take it personally - I'm sure she's just trying to make the adjustment to working again.

OneLieIn Wed 08-Oct-08 20:05:58

When I worked FT I used to do this all the time. It is a total vicious cycle, you promise, you cannot make it, you forget, you feel bad, you think friend will not forgive you, you then don't want to over promise etc...

Give her a break. Be kind to her.

lulabelle Thu 09-Oct-08 13:31:36

Well she sounds like me and it really is not intentional. I work and constantly have to let my friends down, they are in the same boat so completely understand. Anyone that has kids will say the same, kids get ill, we get child care issues things crop up, its how it is. I would get more annoyed if one of my friends moaned about it tbh, I think you need to be more understanding of her.

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