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I didn't think we had problems...but he does!!

(13 Posts)
nicolamumof3 Tue 07-Oct-08 19:26:51

ok dp and i have been together four years this month. totally whirlwind romance fell in love on the first date almost!! We have or had i just don't know an amazing relationship, best of friends and lovers so whats up? Things are going strange, he actually said he was thinking of leaving i was and am in deep shock about this admission. We have two children together and I have an older 9yr old ds1 from my first marriage ds2 is 2.9yrs and ds3 15m so its hard work three kids not a minutes peace. No time for us, which is the case for most of us right? sex life really suffering, we are totally and utterly in love with each other, i still look at him and think he's hot, i've recently started losing weight getting my body back and my confidence but no sex drive recently why is that? how can we recreate 'our life' and still have our own identities. we fell into parenthood so fast ds2 was conceived after 6months together we didn't even live together until 2 months before we were born. He is a great man, an amazing father I don't want to lose him will? I am a nightmare to live with I nag and moan and expect him to care about housework like i do, but i need to relax how can i learn to do this so that i don't complain about every little thing.

phew thats better all off my chest now?

compo Tue 07-Oct-08 19:28:28

do you get time to go out together? family near by to babysit?
do you know why he's considering leaving?

nicolamumof3 Tue 07-Oct-08 19:32:13

sorry for typo's typed to fast!! Meant 'we didn't even live together until 2 months before ds2 was born'...

darkpunk Tue 07-Oct-08 19:32:20

why is he thinking of leaving? your life sounds pretty normal to me.

nicolamumof3 Tue 07-Oct-08 19:33:36

because he's had enough of me and my nagging i think!!

He says he loves me and the boys. i feel sick as he's the love of my life and i've worried all day about it. My only babysitter is my mother but i feel bad always asking her. we are thinking of a weekend away but its a military operation organising childcare!!

nicolamumof3 Tue 07-Oct-08 19:36:12

thats what i thought too!! god i hope theres not something else he hasn't told me...maybe i've been reading to many relationship threads. But it just really shocked me he said he 'seriously' thought about going. he looks after the children 2 days a week while i work then i have them while he works the other 5. we don't have much time together.

cluelessnchaos Tue 07-Oct-08 19:36:40

Go for the weekend away, it is worth all the stress, can you get out and do things seperately as well, since I started regaining my life dh and I have been much happier.

2point4kids Tue 07-Oct-08 19:38:24

It sounds to me like you need a bit of time to yourslves and a really good talk.
You mention yourself that your se life is suffering and you dont get much time just the two of you. Plus you also say you are a nghtmae to live with and nag and moan.
Now I know thats normal with young kids, but maybe its all just gettinga bit much for him and he doesnt realise that you are aware of the situation and want to work to make things better as well?
Try and talk about how you can both work together to make things better.
If you are getting stressed out with the housework not getting done then maybe you could agree one eveninga week to blitz the place together and then also another evening a week (once the kids are in bed) to just relax and chat together, have a nice dinner at home (or out on the odd ocassion you can get a babysitter) and a bottle of wine and just enjoy each others company.
Maybe that would help?

nicolamumof3 Tue 07-Oct-08 19:40:51

that would be lovely, problem is he's a chef works long hours and maybe only has one or two evenings at home together a week. he is exhausted then. Maybe im just emotional and should have laughed off his comment i don't know. It just totally shocked me as he was so deadly serious. he told me as i was leaving for work this morning too to top it all so its been on my mind all day and im still at work now!

darkpunk Tue 07-Oct-08 19:43:37

has he ever said anything like that before? maybe he was just having a really bad day.. he wouldn't leave you just because you nag him a bit.

blinks Tue 07-Oct-08 19:44:17

what was the context? an argument?

nicolamumof3 Tue 07-Oct-08 19:53:20

he has been asking daily or not exactly asking but wanting sex and i just don't want it at the moment. men can't understand that. he said he's frustrated (I think its been about 2weeks!! lol) anyway he said he doesn't like the way i speak to him, we were discussing it I said i was sorry blah,blah blah, he then said i did think i might just go and leave you...i was flabbergasted, he said he seriously thought he would as he's had enough.

blinks Tue 07-Oct-08 20:21:54

not very sensitive...

and no mention of nagging.

you need a sit down chat about your flagging libido and explain that pressure is the worst thing he could do SO if he wants anything other than a mercy shag, he's better start empathising and a-cherishing.

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