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Do i take DH back? really need some help

(15 Posts)
jaynel Tue 07-Oct-08 17:23:43

i really need some advise, my dh and i split up last monday, for a long time he has been an angry man, who acts like a 2 year old having a tantrum. He loves my dd but doesnt get on with her. she isnt perfect but what kid is. she doesnt listen, can be rude, and is lazy, but he cant handle it, he calls her a little bastard, tells her me and him argue cos of her, tells her if we split up it will be her fault, blames and moans at her for everything. its been goin on for a year or so now, we argue about her all the time, then things are ok, then will have a big row etc etc etc. Anyway, id had enough and told him to leave, which he finally did. i was desparte to come home saying he loved me and missed everything including dd, i asked him to have anger management and will see a marriage counceller and work it out together, but i dont want him home yet. this has really affected my ds, dd and his dd and im kinda relaxed now his not here, i do love him very much but i dont want him home until we have sorted this out, he is constanley going on at me, laking me feel gulity cos he isnt happy and wants to come home, when i tell him im not ready he gets all moody and nasty and makes me feel gulity, his said he keeps getting nose bleeds and is being sick. ive told him a few weeks and we will be back together but he isnt happy with that, he wants it now, we are going out for dinner tomorrow night, and im really looking forward to it, but i know his going to keep going on at me. i know he loves us and wants to change and is trying but im just not ready, am i being out of order, shall i just let him back. he said we need to sort it out together at home. i said what would you have said if i told you it was over for good, he said he would have jumped by now. what do i do?? ( dd is almost 10)

jaynel Tue 07-Oct-08 17:28:27

he starts anger management tomorrow and im waiting for someone to ring me about marriage councelling

Marne Tue 07-Oct-08 17:32:36

I think you need to do whats best for your dd. He needs to prove himself before you even cosider having him back.

It sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty, you need to make sure if you do have him back its for the rite reasons, not because you feel guily.

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 07-Oct-08 17:34:04

Tell him he needs to grow up and prove that he wants things to work.

Tell him that whinging to you about how unhappy he is simply goes to demonstrate that he only cares about himself and that if he can't make the effort to speak in a civil manner to his family and start thinking about the needs of the family and not just his own he'll be kept out of the house longer.

It seems he's all me me me me.

What kind of a man calls a 10 year old child a "little bastard" anyway??????? Who's the grown up in your household???

jaynel Tue 07-Oct-08 17:35:18

thank you, this is what ive told him but he says how can he prove it when he isnt even here, i feel sick i feel that gulity im tempted to let him back but im just not ready

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 07-Oct-08 17:37:26

Tell him that he needs to work out for himself how to prove it. He's a big boy. He's the adult. He needs to do it for himself.

Do you really want to take him back just because you feel bad for him?

Sorry, but your children come first here.

jaynel Tue 07-Oct-08 17:47:36

of course she comes first thats y, i bit the bullet n got rid, im so worried he'll do something stupid. he keeps saying u want u want u want, meanin me. am i being selfish

purpleduck Tue 07-Oct-08 18:15:56


He has just found another target for his childish behaviour -you. Steer clear

jaynel Tue 07-Oct-08 20:52:43

purpleduck ???

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 07-Oct-08 21:19:56

Why should you have to worry that he'll do something stupid? That's the point isnt it? He's a grown up. He's not your firstborn child. Yet he seems to be jostling for that position like a spoilt child.

Would you put up with this from your children?

LadyBabo Tue 07-Oct-08 23:45:35

He hasn't even started anger management...
You are still waiting to hear back for marriage councelling...

Tell me, just what hard work has this man done to mean that you can get back together? What massive leaps or psychological maturity? What sweeping improvements in his behaviour?

If this is how he behaves when he's on his best behaviour, trying to wheedle his way back in, threatening suicide etc (this is NEVER EVER EVER a sign of a person ready to be responsible for their own behaviour in a relationship) how will he behave when he's 'back in' with you at home?

AVOID AVOID AVOID he will only get worse

Remember we warned you!

You deserve better!

purpleduck Wed 08-Oct-08 21:19:49

Thats what I meant LadyBabo, but you said it much better

LoveMyGirls Wed 08-Oct-08 21:22:40

your children come first. end it he sounds awful!!!!!!!!!!!

HRHSaintMamazon Wed 08-Oct-08 21:25:29

If any adult spoke to my 10 year old like that they would never be allowed near them again.

You were right to kick him out, and the fact that you need to ask a forum full of "strangers" should tell you that you do not want him back.

Flibbertyjibbet Wed 08-Oct-08 21:47:46

Well he should start showing you at dinner tomorrow that he is making an effort and changing. If he thinks he can moan and whinge on about you not letting him back, and says he will change when he comes back....
then if you let him back he will be just the same.
If he starts at dinner just throw your napkin at him, and flounce out saying 'THIS is why I can't let you move back in!!!!'
Don't even listen to his emotional blackmail.
Nosebleeds my arse, perhaps someone has bopped him on the nose for you wink

My ex threatened suicide. Things had got to such a point that I clearly remember looking at him thinking 'hmm, that would actually save me a lot of hassle blushshock'. I could tell he saw that in my eyes and he was gobsmacked and stopped whingeing after that. Once he saw that it didn't work as emotional blackmail he knew there was no point threatening it.

(Things were really bad though, I don't wish suicide on anyone else I've been in a relationship with blush)

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