This is the 3rd time he has assualted her. He is controlling and a bully.
She has been conditioned to feel he is right and she is wrong.
He controls all the money and she asked for some today to buy food - that's what kicked it all off.
She called another mutual friend as it was all happenning - she went round and he was still there being very polite and kind. He apologised she had been dragged into it and said HE was acting in self defence. This is BULLSHIT. Friend said he was very convincing.
I have spoken to her, she is very shaken but will not call the police. Instead she is going to see a solicitor.
I feel sick, knowing he has done this 3 times now.
I don't think you can actually do anything otehr than make sure she knows you're there to support her regardless of what she decides to do. Not easy, I know. You could point her in the direction of the WOmen's Aid website so she knows what her options are.
TBH she has to get to the point of leaving herself. And unfortunately that can take a while. IMO a woman who doesn't leave after the first couple of times of being assaulted is probably going to stay a while.
Try not to pass comment on him or tell her what you think she should do.
Make sure you are there for her and spell out exactly what it is you are willing to do and make sure you stick to it.
Invite the children round for tea and give her coffee and cake so she has a change from being in the house.
So so sorry, sad and angry that things like this go on.
Would she let you go to the solicitor with her? What is her intention when seeing the solicitor? If to leave him, she needs to find out her rights and it may help to have a friend with her who can take notes, ask questions etc as she may be feeling very fraught, intimidated, especially if he has worked on her for years to undermine her self-confidence.
well if you're scared for her kids,don't hesitate,call social services. they will be able to support her also. i was in bad dv situation.....i knew there was help out there,but couldn't bring myself to make the first step....it was them that helped me get out. and the kids.
i am currently in a simular postion to your friend. last thursday my dp got his hands round my neck & tried to chuck me out of the house. he has never hit me but has pushed me, hit/smashed things & i belive it is only a matter of time before he does. next week unknown to him i am leaving with our boys. over this week i am getting paperwork, money & information ready for when i leave. its hard being in that situation as they make out its not a big deal & that you are the one that has made it happen. thinking back it happend a lot more times then i first thought. just support your friend & be there for her. let her know that you will help anyway you can.
fariy - get as much out of the house as you can do to a safe place - and good luck to you.
OP - say to your friend that both you and the 3rd friend are always there, offer to keep a abg of clothes/toys etc at your houses, and also any copies of any financial affairs - in an envelope if she'd rather- just out of the house. then if it's needed you have it there ready. be practical give emotional support but please, don't show any pity or be judgy - the pity is what really got to me in the end tbh - I didn't/don't want pity - it's been it's happened it's gone.