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another thing to control us with?? MIL

(52 Posts)
sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:39:00

Its my BIL's wedding in June and I was chatting to MIL about the kids clothes for the day. Have brought DD1 and Dd2 new dresses, but DS's suit is now too small, so she said that her cataloge had a lovely suit in it that would look lovely on DS. I had a look and I agreed it was nice and could she order it for me. She ordered it and then said she would pay for it. I asked if she was sure and she said yes. Its arrived today while DH was at her house and he wasn't allowed to bring it home so I could see it and try it on DS. She is going to bring it over on sunday but we are NOT allowed to keep it here!!!!! She also won't allow DH to have his suit here (she also paid for that one) until the day before the wedding (he is best man) and he isn't allowed the rings till the day of the wedding either. I feel that she think I am stupid or something and can't look after clothes!! She doesn't want DS to wear the suit before the wedding either!....

bundle Tue 01-Mar-05 16:40:39

you are right, control is the word. will she take them back after the ceremony?? ffs she sounds like a nightmare

Preggars Tue 01-Mar-05 16:43:24

Oh, the joys and politics of planning to get married. Thinking of you. It's a steep learning curve is human behaviour.

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:43:49

I am glad I am not being silly. I just can't believe she won't allow us to have DS's suit here, all the kids nice clothes get hung up in my wardrobe so the kids don't damage them anyway.

Chandra Tue 01-Mar-05 16:45:01

Get the suit that you want for DS and another one for your DH, and teach the MIL a lesson . My MIL tried hard to control DH's outfit in his wedding so we didn't accept any money/favours/gifts that may give her any authority over what we wanted on our special day. She almost ruined it anyway...

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:46:53

but its my BIL's wedding not us!! we have been married for 8 years now!! I think she is feeling guilty too because she didn't pay a single penny towards our wedding.

bundle Tue 01-Mar-05 16:49:07

sparklymieow, i assume if she didn't contribute to your wedding that you didn't let her have any say? sorry to be so blunt, but she sounds like a cow. the key to this is not to let her have any control, she's obviously worked out that's how she can get to you. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Chandra Tue 01-Mar-05 16:49:47

OK then enjoy, the gift and use it as instructed

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:51:16

no, thinking about it, actually she didn't have a single say in our wedding what-so-ever!! Which I was glad about, but I just want to be allowed to have DS's suit here, is that too much to ask?? I knew I shouldn't have let her pay for it!!!

bundle Tue 01-Mar-05 16:52:48

i agree you're going to have to play it her way if she's paid, or get him something else to wear and say that you couldn't be sure it was going to fit him if he wasn't allowed to try it on.

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:53:29

I think she thinks that DS will be getting ready there on the day, well she can take a run and jump!!! I won't have time to do all that driving on the day, so I want that suit here....

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Tue 01-Mar-05 16:54:14

Not being fond of MILs myself I would take up Chandra's original suggestion and get my own stuff. Of course anything I say is completely coloured by the fact that I can't stand my inlaws who tried everything to gain control in my home/family. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:54:55

I know, I just think she now has control over DS. it feels that she thinks we are so stupid sometimes.

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:56:38

But the suit is lovely, I just should have paid for it myself. She is hoping that BIL will let DS be pageboy so I think it will be a way of getting through to BIL that DS has this lovely suit and why can't he be page-boy IYKWIM!!??

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 16:57:43

and because DH is bestman he has a matching suit to BIL

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Tue 01-Mar-05 16:59:02

maybe Chandra was right the second time then.

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 17:06:08

So shoould I just grin and bear it or demand the suits to be brought here. I don't care that she paid for them TBH.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Tue 01-Mar-05 17:11:06

don't get me started. Probably the best thing would be to do as she's "asked" and not say a word at all. Let her bring the suits round, try them on, take them off with a quick thanks and then don't mention them again.

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 17:14:26

mmmm..... Am I being silly?? I just want her to feel that we are able to look after clothes just as well as her!! Also they all chain smoke LOTS! and I am worried that the suits are going to stink!!

Demented Tue 01-Mar-05 17:19:32

Sympathy sparklymieow, my MIL's like this if she bought it she owns it, never mind if it's a gift. I don't think she will ever forgive us for selling our first house with 'her' bathroom in it.

Demented Tue 01-Mar-05 17:21:11

Oh and I wouldn't want anyone in my family wearing clothes that were reeking of smoke so I don't think you are being unreasonable wanting the clothes out of her house.

You should see the state of me if I buy an item from e-Bay and it stinks of smoke nevermind an outfit for a special occasion.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Tue 01-Mar-05 17:23:39

oh I see. Now I'm going back and forth like a swing.

My final answer: Take the clothes to your house and keep them there. I can't repeat what I would say to your MIL because well... I think I'd get booted lol.

Freckle Tue 01-Mar-05 17:50:42

Thing is, what happens if the suit doesn't fit on the day? It will be too late to get another one. So, I would be tempted to get the catalogue yourself and order a suit, try it on DS and then tell MIL that you couldn't risk leaving the fit to chance on the day. And your dh could try standing up to his mum too.

Beetroot Tue 01-Mar-05 17:53:04

Message withdrawn

sparklymieow Tue 01-Mar-05 17:54:24

I know we smoke (bad bad habit!!) but we only smoke in the kitchen with the door open and NEVER upstairs. But they smoke everywhere in the house. She is bringing the suit over on sunday for DS to try on and I have ordered the right size for him going on the measurements that they done at the hospital recently. Looks like I will have to grin and bear it, just annoys me that she think I am unble to look after clothes....

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