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MIL, absolutely lost for words at her stupidy and selfishness.

(20 Posts)
Picoult Wed 01-Oct-08 17:27:44

I'm so angry.

At lunch time today DH got a phonecall from his mother.

"Your dad has had a fall, can you come around and help me?"

So of course DH races around to his parents house (2 streets away).

When he got there he found FIL sat ON THE FLOOR propped up against a chair.

He said:

"How long has he been like this?"


"Since 2 o'clock".

DH looks as his watch confused...

"what are you on about, its only 1 o'clock now..."

MIL looks at him as if he's stupid...

"No! 2am, it happened last night!". shock

So basically what had happened is FIL 'had a fall" ... read FELL DOWN THE STAIRS at 11pm. MIL DRAGGED HIM from the bottom of the stairs into the living room and finally got him there at 2am. shock

She then propped him up against the chair and WENT TO BED!!!

Next morning she got up, he's obviously still sat on the floor...she got him a drink and then went out to do her shopping. DH actually saw her doing her shopping on her scooter that day but obviously didn't think much of it.

She got home at 11am, asked FIL if he could move yet, he said no and so finally at 12.30pm she decided to phone DH.

Now I don't care what anyone says, this is NOT the behaviour of a normal person, is it?

He's now in hospital and will be for the foreseeable future. The most annoying bit about it is that they have a panic button which they can press which goes straight through to A&E.

I'm litrally at a loss for words.

DisasterArea Wed 01-Oct-08 17:30:53

shock is she o.k? i mean, no this is not the behaviour of a rational person.

Carmenere Wed 01-Oct-08 17:30:57

Not normal at all in fact I would be very worried about her mental health. Don't be angry be concerned.

staryeyed Wed 01-Oct-08 17:31:12

shock she sounds bonkers!

TheArmadillo Wed 01-Oct-08 17:31:18

I would be very worried in that situation.

How old are they?
Can you ask for a social services assessment of their needs?

They must need some help as she clearly has something wrong - whether mentally or just selfish/stupid behaviour.

I hope you FIL is alright.

What is your MILs behaviour like normally? Is this a complete change of personality for her or something to be (almost) expected?

That isn't normal behaviour.

lulumama Wed 01-Oct-08 17:32:40

agree with thearmadillo

sounds very serious in terms of her mental health and reasoning/capability

hope your FIL is not too badly hurt

FabioAsGoodAsItGets Wed 01-Oct-08 17:32:52

I'm with Carmenere and Armadillo.
She isn't well.

lilolilmanchester Wed 01-Oct-08 17:33:56

Picoult, I can understand why you're angry. Your poor FIL. I'd be perhaps concerned about your MIL's state of mind(sorry if that sounds offensive, but felt I had to ask). Have there been any other examples recently of her acting in an irrational way?

Picoult Wed 01-Oct-08 17:34:32

I'm angry because she's always been so selfish, its actually hard to distinguish between her usual selfish behaviour and the behaviour of someone 'not quite right'. For instance DH told her he would pick her up tomorow morning and take her to see FIL, she pulled a face and said "but I have bingo on a thursday morning!" shock

She leaves FIL alone all christmas day to go out for a meal with her daughter (who hates fil).

And when the social services mentioned when he would be likely to come home she said "oh, I hope its not a monday because thats when I get my hair done..." angry

I spoke to a social worker today who actually said they were concerned she was losing her mind as well as FIL because they've never known anyone act like she has in this situation.

ilove Wed 01-Oct-08 17:35:09

How very bizarre...has she said why she left him sat there? Could she be at the end of her tether if he is hard work to look after?

lilolilmanchester Wed 01-Oct-08 17:35:39

Spent so long trying to work out how to word that sensitively that lots of other people posted in the meantime - mainly saying the same thing. It's not an easy thing to face up to but it sounds like you and DH have to consider the possiblity.

Cocolepew Wed 01-Oct-08 17:36:01

I agree your MIL sounds ill, hope your FIL recovers well.
This is sad.

lulumama Wed 01-Oct-08 17:36:28

she sounds selfish, but also gone beyond anything reasonable even in terms of gobsmacking selfishness

if she cannot take care of FIL, then hopefully he will get =some help now

is he very infirm?

Cocolepew Wed 01-Oct-08 17:37:32

Hmmm I posted before your next post came on. Has she always been this bad though?

Picoult Wed 01-Oct-08 17:39:27

Sorry I have to go but I will be back later tonight.

But she has always been like this, ever since I've known her and DH doesn't seem to think its that out of character either. I'll post more later.

TheArmadillo Wed 01-Oct-08 17:42:42

what does your FIL think about all this? Does he accept her behaviour? Would he accept help or in the worst case senario, living seperately from your FIL?

Horrible situation.

wheresthehamster Wed 01-Oct-08 17:42:59

Ooooh! Deja-vu!

A couple of years before FIL died he had a fall. MIL, who is disabled and no way could lift him, managed to sit him up and went to bed. Next day he still couldn't move so eventually she phoned dp. Apparently FIL had told her he didn't want anyone to help and he'd get up when he was ready. She'd agreed because she hates people in the house.

We all thought the pair of them were barking. She still is.

izyboy Wed 01-Oct-08 18:18:53

Well I am very surprised that Social Services are considering sending him home. I assume he is a vulnerable adult? It is even possible that she could be prosecuted for her lack of care.

littleducks Wed 01-Oct-08 18:30:51

I honestly dont think she is quite well, how old is she?

ruddynorah Wed 01-Oct-08 18:39:39

is she maybe deluded as to how old/ill they are? my gran's a bit like that.

are social services organising carers to come in a couple of time a day to check how they are? do you live close? any other family? they sound like they need help.

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