Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dadsnet - How hard should it be? (don't read if you have dc around.!)

(25 Posts)
nothot Wed 01-Oct-08 10:08:29

blush I'm just starting out on a new relationship, but I had sex last night with a new guy I've been seeing. My (rather naive) question is - shouldn't 'it' be hard? I mean really hrrd? Last night was great, but when i did the oral bit, i noticed that it was not as hard as some previous guys. And the ball sack was all loose too. (!) I've not been with lots of men but they have always had really hard ons, almost straining, and the ball sack is usually really tight and up against the body.

Sorry if a bit embarrassing, but I am wondering if he doesn't really like me, and was just going through the motions?
I'm a regular, just name-changed cos I am embarrassed. blush
(Some of you may know me as I am just getting out of my marriage to the most boring (sex-wise) guy.)

TheHolyGrail Wed 01-Oct-08 10:17:22

Depends - when did you do the oral bit? Had you already done 'it' fully? Age can also make a difference - although thats more to do with the 'angle' of an erection.

nothot Wed 01-Oct-08 10:21:34

No it was early on in the evening. As far as I know he hasn't had sex for a while, shouldn't that make it more um, straining? He did have fantastic 'control', so it was more than the usual 3 minutes I'm used to. grin I suppose I was jsut expecting him to be more 'into' it, but like I say, maybe it was me?
And he's not old! about 40.

Hassled Wed 01-Oct-08 10:33:29

Could it not just have been first-time-with-a-new-partner nerves? If he came and everything, then maybe the lack of hardness is just standard for him.

DaddyJ Wed 01-Oct-08 10:52:23

Don't doubt yourself on the basis of a semi!

See how the next few sessions go and if it really
looks like he is not enoying himself, well, ask him!

teenspirit Wed 01-Oct-08 10:57:26

Not got that much experience but all mine have been really hard except when really knackered and not into it or if the deed had already been done once. Put it down to nerves or the fact he may have had a wank before he came out so he wouldn't disappoint you with an embarrassing quick finish! Do it again soon and see if different grin

surprisenumber3 Wed 01-Oct-08 11:27:59

I was just gonna say he probably had a wank before he came out!

nothot Wed 01-Oct-08 11:47:40

Thanks guys! So the consensus is that he's either getting more than he's letting on, or nervous? I thought it should have been harder. Maybe he is just 'like' that? If it's not that hard I thought maybe low blood-pressure? (anything to take the doubt off me!)
I think he was 'enjoying' himself, I certainly was! I'll see what happens next time.

sparkybabe Wed 01-Oct-08 13:27:41

DaddyJ - are you really suggesting that nothot ask him if he can't get it all the way up? Really? How would you feel if your date did that? grin
And does any bloke not enjoy oral?

Seriously?

captainmummy Wed 01-Oct-08 15:59:32

I think all blokes love oral. If he doesnt get it up after a quick lick, then maybe it' just the way it is for him.

Could it be low blood pressure?

Dropdeadfred Wed 01-Oct-08 16:03:48

daddyj said 'if it looks like he is not enjoying himself' he didn't say the guy wasn't enjoying it

nothot Wed 01-Oct-08 16:13:09

He said I should ask him if he wasn't enjoying it, on the basis that he was only halfhard. I dont think I could do it. I'll have to see next time, if there is a next time and he actually does like me. sad

Dropdeadfred Wed 01-Oct-08 16:14:48

maybe he REALLY liked you and it was nerves...?

nothot Wed 01-Oct-08 16:30:15

grin - that would be nice! I really like him, (and I was nervous too) but I dunno, i suppose I have a gut feeling that he's just not that Into me. (scuse the pun) He did complain about being tired, and I know he's been out every night for 4-5 days. He didn't walk me home last night (11.30) and he hasn't texted today, although i've texted him. sad

Honestly, who turns down no-strings-attached sex?

DaddyJ Wed 01-Oct-08 18:14:04

Sorry, I should have elaborated:

The guy is a 40 year old chap who by the sound of it is quite experienced.

He will NOT be offended if nothot says something like
'hey, is that good like that?' or 'do you fancy something else?'
if this happens again the next time she gives him head.

Communication is key!

captainmummy Wed 01-Oct-08 18:19:43

I think it sounds OK! I dont like it when it's toooo hard, it has a tendancy to leak <boak> so I am wary .

anyfucker Wed 01-Oct-08 21:17:17

< watches thread >

Kally Wed 01-Oct-08 21:36:36

Had he been drinking? Maybe that had an effect on the whole thing...

mitfordsisters Wed 01-Oct-08 21:51:20

rofl surprisenumber3

hecate Fri 03-Oct-08 11:44:00

I think that if you can't talk to someone about sex, you really shouldn't be having it with them. So if this happens again - talk about it!

ButIForgetMyself Fri 03-Oct-08 12:07:25

Maybe it was just nerves that made him only have half a teacake? Sometimes if a man has something worrying him, he'll only manage a lazy lob. Nervousness manifests itself in funny ways. For me, my stomach makes weird noises if I'm a bit nervous about the sex. I'm sure my DP thought I was going to throw up on him the first few times we had it.

reikimarie Fri 03-Oct-08 14:04:53

Think it was nerves, bound to be better next time!

nothot Fri 03-Oct-08 21:14:14

Well thanks all for your views but I really think it's a non-starter. He hasn't been in contact since, (tuesday night) and I'm not sure to be honest about the nerves thing. He did tell me he didn;t want a relationship so I think he's prob on to the next already. sad

Well if it's only half a hard-on maybe i'm better off with a rabbit.

captainofthemummies Fri 03-Oct-08 21:33:50

I think it sounds like you are better off without him nothot! Didn't walk you home, no contact since, doesn't sound like he's that bothered. Sorry sad

nothot Fri 03-Oct-08 21:50:59

waaaaah captainmummy! It was the best sex I'd had in ages (well, ever, actaully). Even with only half a stiff.

Ho Hum. I knew it really. Instincts are always right.sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now