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Abuse of trust or am I making too much of this?

(9 Posts)
SpandexIsMyEnemy Wed 01-Oct-08 09:08:21

Just after a quick check ~I guess really, as I'm still pissed off about it really.

Have told beau a few things that happened with XH, incl our complicated money affairs. When I told him I said that only he, I & xh knew. not even my folks who i've now come clean about everything to. (ie xh and the abusive marriage etc)

anyhow beau walked in last night, in a mood & first of said it was down to me as I wasn't online playing pool or summat, anyhow - was sorting ds, so he understood that. but then he said he's told his brother about my financial affairs with XH.

I was livid & couldn't look at him, to abuse the trust i'd placed in him, esp after everything I said surrounding it. he apologised profusely, and was really upset but it's the fact it's mny affairs, which I don't want anyone knowing (i'm v v funny about my financial/relationship) affairs being out in RL, and like to play down such things & keep them private.

so am I justified or not? I told him to never do it again. but am still miffed today about it. I should get over it shouldn't I?

but as I say it takes a lot for me to trust someone - he's met all of my family & also DS once (just to see how they get on together). so that hopefully will give u some idea as to how I feel about him - i'm just gutted he's done it.

edam Wed 01-Oct-08 09:13:37

I'd be pissed off too. Make sure he tells his brother NOT to repeat this information to anyone else.

gingerninja Wed 01-Oct-08 09:17:23

I think you asked him not to share your past then yes he has over stepped the mark (don't think it was an abuse of trust)but if you didn't then imo he has shared the info with his brother legitimately. He won't be as close to your past as you so may not have fully understood it's meaning.

Really what matters is how you handle it. You can let it eat you up or you can move on and try and make something of the relationship. I can't tell you what to do but you have to ask yourself if it's worth falling out over. If he consistently lets you down then I could see why it'd be a decision maker but if it's a one off I think you need to put it into context.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Wed 01-Oct-08 09:17:31

he's told him that already - he said he 'wasn't thinking' and it 'slipped out'

my responce was well you know what it's NEVER slipped out in conversation for me in the last 3 years and i've had loads of opportunities for it to!

I know he didn't do it on purpose, but that doesn't make it right/OK.

ditzzy Wed 01-Oct-08 09:18:31

I guess it depends on context of him telling to some extent... if his brother has been in similar situation and could offer advice then that would be far more acceptable than if he was just gossiping.

I'd be pissed off either way, but he's apologised, so there's not much else he can do about it now.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Wed 01-Oct-08 09:20:02

i'm trying ginger, honestly I am, we've talked about the future etc & see ourselves together, the problem I have is as I say I don't trust easy, as i'm usually let down in bad ways.

He was totally the opposite to any one else i've met, yet has done this.

I guess i'll just have to chalk this one up & see if he does it again. & if he does the re assess the whole relationship.

At least he told me I guess - he didn't have to & i'd never know but we've agreed to talk about everything - the good n the bad.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Wed 01-Oct-08 09:21:28

oh I did tell him not to tell anyone else as well.

but it's done as you say & can't be taken back.

gingerninja Wed 01-Oct-08 10:16:07

Maybe this is the first lesson in learning to trust again then wink please don't let it spoil a potentially wonderful realtionship. You can tell him how it made you feel and tell him you're going to try and forget it but it'll be hard and ask him to be patient with you as you'll need a bit of extra time to relax about things. I hope it works out for you both.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Wed 01-Oct-08 14:13:47

yeah thanks ging, I think that's the way forward with it all.

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