Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Please help, I am so confused!

(6 Posts)
jaffas118 Sat 27-Sep-08 09:41:46

I have been with my partner or now ex partner for almost 8 years. We bought a house 6 and a half years ago. Its a joint mortgage. We have 2 girls together. About a month and a half ago he finished with me but he is still in the house, he refuses to sleep elsewhere and I can't afford to go anywhere as I have just started university. He says we have to live together until the market picks up and then we can sell but even then I am not going to be able to buy anywhere with 2 children and full time university. I am in such a mess with where to go from here, some people saying I won't have to leave house or sell it and others ssaying once sold may be able to get help through the government but I just don't know what to do. I am so confused as to what should happen. I just can't bear it anymore.

Things are such a mess here, he is really messing with my head and playing on it. He plays alot of mind games with me and things have been bad for the last 2 years but we have stuck it out. Even finishing with me he is twisting it all on me to take away the guilt.

Does anyone have a similar experience or know what I can do?

bubblagirl Sat 27-Sep-08 09:55:31

the best thing you can do is to go citizens advise and they can tell you where you stand regarding alternative housing etc sorry you going through all this hope your ok? x

TwoMore Sat 27-Sep-08 11:19:59

While you wait for an appointment start making a file of joint bank statements, mortgage payments, and bills and anything you can possibly think of that they may want. You could also try a free solicitors appointment. Try not to get in a muddle and try (I know its hard) to keep a clear head.

RealityGap Sat 27-Sep-08 11:56:55

Jaffas - you don't have to sit this out - what he is doing is mental cruelty, and is a form of abuse, get intouch with your housing association, let them know what is going on and they should be able to help. This is similar to the situation that my friend was in (she doesn't have any DC) and she was housed almost immediately

RealityGap Sat 27-Sep-08 11:58:22

Oh forgot to say - I am sorry you are having to deal with this - take care of you

mumoverseas Sat 27-Sep-08 12:18:57

my advice would be not to move out even though it must be terrible living under those circumstances. If you move out, you may well be considered 'intentionally homeless' and may not get any assistance with re-housing. The difficulty you have is if you want to sell the house to get your share of the equity and he doesn't, it is not as straight forward as if you are married where you can apply to the court for an order for sale as part of divorce proceedings. When unmarried, it would have to be a trusts of land application which is a long and drawn out process. This could however work to your benefit if you want to stay put for now. With regards to you saying you cannot afford to buy on your own, what about shared housing ie part rent part buy? Depending on what area you live in there are a few of those around at the moment. Also, don't forget, once you are living separately, he will have to pay maintenance to you for the children. Current CSA starting point for assessment is 20% of his net income (gross less tax, NI and pension contributions) although he could get a reduction if he is having them staying with him for more than so many nights per annum (think it is 102 days but not 100% sure)

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: