Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Really angry at DH.

(21 Posts)
vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 09:29:28

DH has been sulking for couple of days and this morning he started
- you are always tired because you are taking care of dd too much even though she's 15 months old. Let her get on with things even if she complains
- And you should tidy up after your play with dd after every activity otherwise the house is really messy when I'm come back home and I get really depressed and then I have to do the tidying even though I'm really tired from working.

I exploded as I always try to tidy up just before he comes back home so it's not too messy and I got so hurt and upset as I like to listen to DD to build her confidence by interacting with her lots. He expects the house to be clean and mess free all the time which for some reason makes me feel overwhelemd..

I don't know what I could do to make everybody happy.

nailpolish Fri 26-Sep-08 09:32:32

so on one hand you are tired cos you are doing to much
on the other hand he wants you to clean up after every activity


swap roles for a day and see how he likes it

has he ever had dd for a whole day?

fransmom Fri 26-Sep-08 09:34:18


x was like this then i just went out for the day, after making sure dd was ok of course then left him to it. he never got up for night feed, the first time he did she slept through. he never moaned again smile

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 10:03:52

I do almost feel like going out on saturday when he's not working and leaving him up to it...I will!!! soon

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 10:09:52

he comes back after particularly long day at work and when we are having quiet time after having a play outside, he starts to hoover the lounge, start putting her toys away....

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 10:10:13

like...see how easy it is to be tidy??

snowleopard Fri 26-Sep-08 10:10:24

Tidying up after every activity is just daft. We tidy up the toys at bedtime, every day, once DP is home from work and he helps - we all do it together (DS has to help too). Your DH needs to be told that you are tired from working all day - and yes a day on his own with DD may be what he needs to make him realise - and jobs at home are therefore for you all to share. If he doesn't like that, get a cleaner if you can afford it. Childcare is your job at the moment - things like putting the odd wash on and making meals obviously can be done, but not keeping the house spotless. Do nursery workers do the cleaning while they work? I think not.

Get him to spend that day alone looking after DD, and then see just how much cleaning he's managed to do when you get back

If he's not keen, tell him you need to do this so he can show you how it's done.

<mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha>

LazyLinePainterJane Fri 26-Sep-08 10:12:14

So he's doing huffy tidying?

peanutbutterjelly Fri 26-Sep-08 10:15:08

tell him to pay for a cleaner

mistlethrush Fri 26-Sep-08 10:19:34

Saturday morning: get up, hand dd over to dh, go out, get your hair done, have a coffee and a muffin, pootle round the shops, have a leisurely lunch, perhaps a manicure, meet a friend etc, get home at the time dh usually gets home. Go on, do it!

I have the same issue about the fact that I could get ds to help me clean the house etc from mil - she looked after ds on one afternoon - the only thing that I asked her to do was to walk the dog - she spent the afternoon cleaning with ds - 'see, ds really enjoys helping' - Yes, he does, but have you walked the dog? No? well, that is the one thing that I always do do as she has to have a walk. Then, as we have been out for a walk, I feel that it is probably better for ds in the long run to have me doing some constructive playing with him or reading a book rather than cleaning inefficiently... (blush! sorry, rant over shock! - mil descending this afternoon and house shambolic....)

nailpolish Fri 26-Sep-08 10:22:58

why cant you go out tomorrow and leave him with dd? why why why
just do it

dont be a martyr

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 10:26:01

yes he's definitely doing huffy tidying ALL THE TIME!!! I have never have been a tidy person to start with, but I do try MY BEST!! maybe there is odd old breadcrumbs here and there..hiding which I might not have noticed but he makes such a big deal about it and when I get upset he says I can't criticize you, you just won't be told anything you have to put blame on somebody else all the time, you must always be right and never done ANTYHING wrong...etc..
ooh I could strangle him good thing he's out now but we are supposed to go to movies tonight....great...

Marne Fri 26-Sep-08 10:39:16

Had the same talk with dh this morning, dh thinks now im home all the time i should be cleaning all day and the house should be spotless when he gets home hmm

Dh only works 3 days (out of the house), i only work 12 hours atm but i look after a 4 and a 2 year old 24 hours a day.

I gave up talking to him this morning as he was looking around the kitchen pointing out evry spot on the cooker and evry crumb on the floor.

cyteen Fri 26-Sep-08 10:49:01

marne, i hope you pointed out that he could have used that close attention to deatil to actually CLEAN/PICK THE FUCKING THINGS UP grin

honestly, what is the point of wasting energy like that? clean it or don't clean it, but don't point at it with a scowl on your face and then expect it to magically disappear. The only thing that's contributing to is stress.

cyteen Fri 26-Sep-08 10:49:37

detail not deatil, obviously. My one-handed typing skills are still developing.

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 10:50:46

Same here DH goes out to work two days a week and we work at home, me included. That's why I can't go out tomorrow just like that because must work work!! maybe I can do it in two three weeks if I plan it in advance. and have my hair done...would be lovely didn't have my hair done since April or March...

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 10:57:27

okay will tidy up now..sure I can't go on internet AT ALLL!! must work work work prick now I have recorded message of his voice on my head tidy tidy tidy tidy up

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 12:03:57

sorry I just need to rant. The movie we are going to see the one DH booked (without asking me which movie I wanted to see) is Righteous Kill...It's supposed to be a REALLY bad movie. mhahahaha I will have so much fun laughing at DH's face during the movie tonight.. how sad am I?? anyway when dd wakes up from nap, I will take us out for nice day out splash out, lunch out and buy snacks and have fun in the park all the way!!

Jux Fri 26-Sep-08 12:32:43

A lot of dh's are like this aren't they? Mine was too. In the end, when he was pointing at some speck he'd sought out (no doubt with magnifying glass) which I had missed, I exaggeratedly looked at his finger, then moved my whole head toward the invisible speck he was pointing at, then looked up at him and said "nope, it doesn't work for you either. I suppose you have to get the hoover out too" and went and sat down with my book.

He hasn't done it for years now, and if the place is too messy for his delicate constitution he will instigate tidy ups all by himself.

BlingLovin Fri 26-Sep-08 14:31:40

Al Pacino and RObert de Niro? Can't be bad, surely?!

DP is always delaying evening events because he's tidying. Drives me mad, but at least now we both understand it's his problem and I'm not going to feel guilty and leap up to help because he's obsessive compulsive.

vampbaby Fri 26-Sep-08 22:38:45

just finished watching movie. Wanted to clear the air before the movie and he said
- I don't want to get involved in this...

so I exploded once again took the ticket and proceeded to watch the bad film.
After film, HE explodes saying

-thanks for nice evening

drives like fucking maniac shaking....

I don't give shit...gonna go to bed now....

a bit scared... AND called me a pshycopath.(I can never spell that..)

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now