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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Why am I so bothered about this?

12 replies

Pinkchampagne · 25/09/2008 21:02

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year & he has been separated from his ex wife for 2.5 years. They are not yet divorced (nor am I, although I have started the ball rolling) & she got all emotional with him on the phone a few months back because she still has feelings for him etc. Think this was because she found out he was with me. He assures me he is happy with me & wouldn't want her back, but I did feel unsettled by her getting like this.

She has sent him a text saying she wants to come round & pick up the last of her bits in a couple of weeks...no big deal really, but my head is running away with me. Why after all this time does she want to come & pick things up? Surely you would do this quite soon after moving out!
I keep thinking that she just wants an excuse to go round to see him & will get all heavy talking with him again. I wouldn't have thought twice about it before she got all emotional, but now feel uneasy about her being alone in the house with him. Silly silly I know - she is picking up some stuff & he is with me - no big deal at all! Why has my silly head gone into overdrive here? Talk some sense into me!!

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Pinkchampagne · 25/09/2008 21:07

Am tired & hormonal atm which won't be helping!

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GypsyMoth · 25/09/2008 21:14

can you not just be there when she comes round?

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Pinkchampagne · 25/09/2008 21:18

No I wouldn't do that. We would both feel uncomfortable.

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Pinkchampagne · 25/09/2008 21:23

I shouldn't be worrying about it should I? It's silly, I know, but I lay awake for hours fretting last night! Mad!

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QuintessentialShadow · 25/09/2008 21:25

She wants her things because she is finally moving on. She has realized she is not in his life anymore, so her things shouldnt be.

Dont worry about it.

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QuintessentialShadow · 25/09/2008 21:26

She wants her things because she is finally moving on. She has realized she is not in his life anymore, so her things shouldnt be.

Dont worry about it.

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QuintessentialShadow · 25/09/2008 21:28

sorry about double posting

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1066andallthat · 25/09/2008 21:31

OK - PC, worst case scenario: she turns up and declares her undying love for him and he has her back. Sounds far-fetched but could happen. So, no, you are not being daft worrying about it.

However, this is the man, who has introduced your sons to his family and not without thinking about it, first. She has already shown an interest and he would have acted on that by now if he were still in love with her.

More interestingly, it shows YOU are really into him to be so worried - go with that; it is something very positive. You won't relax until she has come and gone, which she will and then, you get to carry on a good relationship with a lovely bloke. Enjoy.

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Pinkchampagne · 25/09/2008 21:32

That's a good way of looking at it! I shouldn't worry & don't know why I was as it doesn't matter how much she may or may not want him if he doesn't feel the same. My logical head knows that, but my silly head thinks all silly thoughts! It's my period though!

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Pinkchampagne · 25/09/2008 21:50

Thank you, 1066. I think loads of him & I don't really have reason to worry that he will want her back, and even if he did, there wouldn't be anything I could do about it, so there is no point worrying. That is the logical way to look at it, so why does my head get muddled with nonsense!!

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IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry · 26/09/2008 00:16

There is no point in worrying but I do understand why you are. I spent months agonising over my DP and his potential feelings with ex who he has DD with (and who ended things with him) and TBH was fairly psychotic about it at times but I had nothing to worry about. It is a horrible feeling, though, and you have my sympathy but he will not see her in that way anymore. YOU are the important one to him now xx

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Pinkchampagne · 26/09/2008 17:43

That's what I keep trying to tell myself, IYDLYC. It doesn't matter how heavy she may or may not get because he wants to be with me...so why should I get myself worried - it's silly! I feel a bit psycho in how it has effected me & I have never been a needy type girlfriend before, so it feels out of character too. I am thinking a bit clearer today though as I slept much better last night. I can't worry about it for the next 2 weeks as I will drive myself mad, and it's my birthday next weekend so don't want it spoilt with silly irrational thoughts about the following week!