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What do you make of this??!!

(15 Posts)
mampam Wed 24-Sep-08 15:05:33

To try and give you a quick lowdown, my inlaws have never liked me for reasons unknown, but I've always tried to get on with them for DH's sake and in the hope that one day they might warm to me, that was until fil stormed round to our house calling me names, saying not very nice things about my dc's, shouting and pointing his finger at me and told me he and mil didn't like me. Fil refused to aplogise to me for his behaviour so we didn't have much to do with them until our wedding day 5 months later where they ignored me all day, fil refused to stand anywhere near me to have photo's taken, they both refused to smile in any photo that I was in with them and generally made it clear to all our other guests that they weren't happy that we were getting married.

A couple of weeks after our wedding mil's father died and she wouldn't even acknowledge DH at the funeral because I was there with him. Dh hasn't had anything to do with them since then. Meanwhile he is being put on a serious guilt trip by his grandparents about the situation and in the end he wrote them a letter stating why he does not want anything to do with his parents and that he wants an apology from them. They still refuse.
We occasionally bump into his parents and they will ignore me if I'm on my own but pass the time of day with me if DH is there.

Last week it was our 1st wedding anniversary and in our local paper, under the announcements column was a 'Happy 1st Wedding Anniversary' from inlaws!!!! We find this most bizarre. Everytime we speak to someone who was at our wedding they say how hypocritical inlaws are to do this considering how they acted at our wedding. Dh and I feel it's a case of too little too late especially when they still refuse to apologise!!

What do you mumsnetters make of this??

RubySlippers Wed 24-Sep-08 15:07:31

they are crazy or supremely passive aggressive

OR they are trying to make amends

i think, judging by your post, my last suggestion is way off the mark

alarkaspree Wed 24-Sep-08 15:10:07

Dh's grandparents put it in hoping you would believe it was an apology from in-laws?

ActingNormal Wed 24-Sep-08 16:48:42

What do words on a paper mean if they aren't going to acknowledge your existence in public, aren't going to be polite and friendly and aren't going to support their son in his choice of wife and do the best by their grandchildren by being respectful towards their mother? What sort of role model of how to treat people are they to your children?

Dior Wed 24-Sep-08 16:50:50

Message withdrawn

pamelat Wed 24-Sep-08 17:12:45

Are they trying to make it look as though the fall out if your fall out?
By taking such a public "congratulations" out they could be trying to be seen as wanting it to work, just so give that impression to their friends and family?

coppertop Wed 24-Sep-08 17:16:52

It sounds to me as though it's a public way of saying "Look at us! Even after all the things our evil DIL has done to us we're still so wonderful that we're going to wish them well. Aren't we wonderful martyrs?"

I would ignore it. Don't be dragged back into their little games.

Pheebe Wed 24-Sep-08 17:50:02

agree with coppertop - sounds to me like a public statement rather than anything else

mampam Wed 24-Sep-08 18:10:56

I definitely agree that it is a definite public show to make themselves look good. If they really wanted to make amends surely they would have said sorry a long time ago??

At the end of last week Dh had a text from his mother asking how he was. Dh ignored it and 15 minutes later he had another saying "we're both fine thanks for asking". Dh was fuming so he sent her an email basically saying how dare she send him sarcastic texts after the way she has behaved and told her that if she's never going to say sorry then to just leave him alone. The reply came: sorry.!!!!

TheCrackFox Wed 24-Sep-08 18:22:49

Agree with Coppertop. Don't be dragged bavck into their silly games. They owe you both a proper and heartfelt apology. As always ac

Overmydeadbody Wed 24-Sep-08 18:26:19

It's definately a publicity stunt on their part, for their friends and acquaintances, not for you.

mampam Thu 25-Sep-08 09:38:34

Thank you it's nice to hear that everyone is of the same opinion. I feel a lot of guilt over this situation, whilst I know that it is not my fault, the reason why DH has fallen out with his parents is because of me. I feel useless in this situation because I don't really know what to say to DH about it. He is obviously upset that his parents are acting this way and feels he can't mean anything to them if they refuse to apologise. I feel sorry for him because he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, he tries to have very little contact with his grandparents as they just put him on a guilt trip and he doesn't have any other family.

ConstanceWearing Thu 25-Sep-08 10:48:54

I think they're a pair of twunts, quite honestly. I take it you had children before marrying DH, this is why they think you are not good enough for him??

mampam Thu 25-Sep-08 15:42:48

Yes my dc's are from my previous marriage. They have said and done some awful things with regards to my dc, if dh and I ever have dc together they will certainly have nothing to do with inlaws as I couldn't trust them not to be just as awful. And I know that's an awful thing to say but I would want to protect my children first and foremost.

blinks Fri 26-Sep-08 08:41:24

my inlaws are tragically shite too... Pretend you didn't see it and go about your life.

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