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Could anyone give me some advice on this dilemma with an old friend.....what am I to make of this?

(15 Posts)
CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 14:11:40

Have been friends with V for over 10 yrs. We are by no means bosom buddies and have our "own lives" for the most part but since having children we have got closer and because of this I asked her to be DD godmother last year which she happily accepted. We are both busy people but try to talk regularly and set aside some time to see each other when we can but again we are not so "close" and I have often suspected something I can't put my finger on, like she drops off the radar at times.

Anyway last week she asked me to be GM to her DS2 child which I accepted. At her house I noticed a card written from her DS1 to "Godmother X". It was on the mantel shelf about a year old and from what I saw unsent. I had been asking her for a year if she were looking to have her DS1 christened and she always said she was looking into it. I can only assume from this card that she has had her DS1 christened last year and not invited us. Why would she do this? Could she have felt bad that I was not asked to be GM to her first?

To be honest I am not bothered at all about not being a godmother to her 1st but what is odd is that she didn't invite us along to the christening. I was thinking of playing it dumb and asking next time I see her if she was planning to have both sons done at the same time and see what she says or should I just forget it (and get on with being GM to her second) and say no more about it. I don't know If I am wrong to be so miffed at being lied to....

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 14:47:02

anyone? x

dollius Tue 23-Sep-08 15:07:52

I wouldn't read too much into this. Many people have family-only gatherings for christenings and she probably thinks she mentioned it, but has forgotten. She has asked you to be godmother to her second child, so she obviously values you. Sometimes people are just really busy/a bit overwhelmed by the daily grind of life and aren't terribly good at communicating.
Just make sure you are a great godmother and I am sure she will appreciate you all the more for it.

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 16:30:44

thanks dollius I suspected as such, I will try to put it out of my mind and get on with things. Thanks for taking the time to reply x

jawjawnotwarwar Tue 23-Sep-08 16:31:32

She just sounds a bit odd - either that or a bit of a user. Don't let her upset you!

nailpolish Tue 23-Sep-08 16:33:45

id be desperate ot know either way though
ask her again if ds1 is getting christened and see what she says.

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 16:40:16

yes it is odd, I suspect she may have thought I would have been upset at not having been asked to be GM after I asked her, but to completely cut me/us out of the christening and blatantly lie is extreme.
The other thought is that I have totally misinterpreted the card said but it seems pretty clear - although it hadn't been sent and was a year old...

jawjawnotwarwar Tue 23-Sep-08 16:46:26

Some people can just pick people up and put them down according to their whim! It might just be her personality style and quite possibly other people have experienced it too. Don't take it personally whatever you do (easier said than done wink).

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 16:49:04

I have noticed she does things like this to others a lot - for e.g she had her DS party and invited 2 out of her 3 nct friends and then explained to me that she should have invited the 3rd but just decided not too. This must have caused the woman to be really upset surely? Perhaps she did the same thing to me.....v odd. But I will try not to let it get me down...

cat64 Tue 23-Sep-08 17:15:35

Message withdrawn

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 17:21:37

your latter point is valid cat but the others not I am afraid I know her too well. The point I meant was that I have asked her numerous times if she was getting DS1 christened and she said no and as she was already my DD Godmother. I think it is really odd not to say something and be honest either way I would have totally understood. I will not take it to the grave with me but will always wonder why.....

lilolilmanchester Tue 23-Sep-08 17:46:05

DH and I were Godparents to close friends' DS1. We weren't even invited to DS2's Christening because they just had immediate family, having felt they'd spent too much on the first Christening and I suspect she was finding dealing with 2 young children too difficult to arrange a big do. I was a bit surprised not to be invited, but she was very upfront about it and told me. Perhaps your friend was just too embarrassed and thought a white lie would protect your feelings? The most important point here is that she clearly values your friendship as she wants you to be GM to DS2 now. I think you should just let it go personally.

dollius Tue 23-Sep-08 18:22:41

One thought: Could she have asked someone to be godmother to her first child but just not yet got around to doing the christening bit as she said? Did the card actually mention a christening, or was it just "from your godmother"? Sorry if I'm off the mark here...

sophy Tue 23-Sep-08 18:48:51

Two observations. I have a "godson" who has never been christened.

When we had ds1 christened we had it in a tiny chapel and only invited immediate family and theactual godparents. We had a much bigger party for ds2.

I would not take it personally and would forget about it.

CrushWithEyeliner Tue 23-Sep-08 20:36:13

i think you have summed it up well llm. thanks again x

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