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My good friend has an awful boyfriend...would you say something?

(6 Posts)
electra Tue 23-Sep-08 12:01:23

I don't think it's any of my business and that it would be better to say nothing but another friend says that suggests I don't care enough about her (which isn't the case).

The boyfriend is very insecure, and encourages her to over eat so that she won't be able to go off with anyone else. I find this quite sinister. He's also very jealous of anyone who spends time in her company.

She now seems to me like a shadow of her former (independent, happy) self.

However, I think she must know the negative things about him aren't healthy and that for me to point that out could make her angry with me. I really think it's none of my business who she dates and that I should say you agree or not?

electra Tue 23-Sep-08 12:09:04


ginnny Tue 23-Sep-08 12:10:05

He does sound sinister.
I would broach the subject once, but not in a confrontational way, and if you get a bad reaction then leave it and still stay friends.
Then if it all goes wrong she'll remember that you tried to warn her, rather than you saying "well I thought it wasn't right but I didn't want to say so" after things have gone wrong.
I hope she gets away from him before he does any more damage to her self esteem. He sounds horrible.

Janos Tue 23-Sep-08 12:16:05

Yes, talk to her but don't approach her with the 'I think your bloke is a nob'line as you are right in thinking it'll put her on the defensive.

Maybe say to her she seems a bit down/not herself and ask if she's ok. Then she'll know there's someone she can talk to if she's unhappy?

kaz33 Tue 23-Sep-08 12:25:16

Recently done this to my newly divorced friend who has found herself a horrible lecherous boyfriend. All of us think that he is so not a good thing.

I told her what I thought, mostly I majored on you are worth so much more than that. It hasn't changed anything but I feel that I did the right thing.

electra Tue 23-Sep-08 14:56:07

Thanks for replies. Tbh I think she is settling for him because she wants to get married and have children and is afraid time is running out (which is silly because she's 28) It's definitely tricky though....not least because she's likely to think that I'm a fine one to talk with my track record of unsuitable relationships! But I think it can take someone from outside to see things maybe you can't.

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