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I asked did he still want me?

(8 Posts)
247 Tue 23-Sep-08 09:24:09

What started out as a perfectly normal request turned into a rather heated discussion whereupon I asked DH did he still want me in his life, to live together, to be his wife. He wouldn't answer. He turned the question round and said do you want to be here? Why wouldn't he just answer me yes or no?

warthog Tue 23-Sep-08 09:28:20

are you thinking about leaving?

i think he didn't answer because it's too big a question. he doesn't want to be responsible for the end of your relationship.

forevercleaning Tue 23-Sep-08 09:33:26

If he refused to answser the question, it would send alarm bells rining. He would have answered straightaway if he had no doubts. Soz, just my opinion.

regularlyoverwhelmed Tue 23-Sep-08 09:33:33

have you been having relationship probs before this? why did you ask him? (not that I think is unreasonable question btw)

HappyWoman Tue 23-Sep-08 09:40:24

He does not want to be responsible so instead is turning back on you to answer first and then if you dont then he will be able to say it was you who did not want him.

I know it has been said before but you need to know what you want first - if you want your relationship to work then show him the respect to be honest with him and then he should be with you.

247 Tue 23-Sep-08 09:58:24

HappyWoman, what do you mean 'show him the respect and be honest with him' I wanted to know his feelings. I think he is being childish and is either a) afraid to say yes he wants me incase I say get lost I am going and therefore he gets hurt OR b)no he doesn't want me and wants me to be the person responsible for ending it. Why cant he just be straight. I told him I am fed up, no love or affection from him, sarcasm and put downs. I am unhappy. Do you want me to go?

NotQuiteCockney Tue 23-Sep-08 10:14:14

He sounds depressed.

And it seems a bit unfair to expect him to show you his feelings, if you're not showing him yours.

Idobelieveinfairies Tue 23-Sep-08 10:27:45

Sounds like deeper problems there. Start from the beginning. How long has been acting in this way? Has he always been slightly like it?

I think you need to tell him that you are both due for a serious talk, and be truthful with each other.

My DP is not the romantic, showing his feelings kind-never has been.....but now and again we have a discussion that once in a while he could make a bit of an effort, and so he does.

He was always this way and i don't expect him to change. He just needs a kick up the bum sometimes.

I have asked him the same question on occasions and i usually get 'i am still here aren't i?'...his way of saying of course i do.

I have warned him that as i am getting older i need more love and nice words/time together......the look of panic on his face was priceless.

You have said you are not happy, maybe his has picked up on that and wondering the same about you?

Have a talk.

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