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I never understood people when they said this but now I know how it feels.......

(18 Posts)
incredulous Mon 22-Sep-08 14:50:45

Basically when people say that having kids, they just don't have enough 'love' for everyone, kids and DH. I have 2 lovely boys and a wonderful DH. I love him to bits, but the boys take up so much of my time, I find that by the evening, I am so tired, I just want to be left alone, IYSWIM. I'm happy to sit with DH of an evening, but any mention of sex and I dread it. I just don't have it in me. I am very lucky that DH still finds me attractive and wants to have sex etc, not even just sex, he's just very affectionate and like lots of cuddles on sofa etc. But I just feel all 'cuddled out' after a day with my boys, who are 6 months and 2 yrs, so quite demanding.

Even in bed, I have almost got to the point where I can't bear him touching me, even just to lean over and say goodnight, I just feel like saying 'Oh FFS, leave me alone!!!'. I honestly do love him to bits, and I wouldn't be without him. I hate feeling like this.

I have heard/read other people feeling liek this,and I never understood it before, but now I know what they mean. I just feel like I give give give to my kids all day long, then I am expected to be up for sex in the evening, when I am just exhausted and want to go to bed.

Help!!

dollius Mon 22-Sep-08 14:54:55

I felt like this when my boys were that age (they are now nearly 4 and nearly 2). I was still breastfeeding and felt that my body was just totally "owned" by other people - toddler crawling all over me all day, baby feeding and husband trying to get a piece of me as well.
I still feel this way when very tired, but not nearly so much anymore at all. It does get better!

Twiglett Mon 22-Sep-08 14:55:20

you're exhausted

how old are your children

can family or friends have them for a couple of night? can you have your house to yourself for a couple of nights?

incredulous Mon 22-Sep-08 15:01:08

DS's are 6 months and 2 yrs.

We have a great support network of friends and family around us, which is another reason why I feel so guity cos I do get time to myself (DH works nights) and we do have babysitters and I get out on my own with friends and on my own with DH. I feel bad that I feel this way. He would be so hurt if her knew. Last night he stayed up to watch a film and I went to bed alone and it was bliss!!

Sazisi Mon 22-Sep-08 15:05:00

I felt like this when my youngest were those ages. I think partly it was from breastfeeding too though: just touched out.

Things are back to normal now though, and I really enjoy DH's attention again.

incredulous Mon 22-Sep-08 15:14:15

I stopped BF 3 months ago.

hopefully this feeling won't last long sad

everlong Mon 22-Sep-08 15:16:20

Tell him how you feel. He sounds lovely and I'm sure he will understand how exhausted you are at the end of the day.

If you talk to him then at least he knows the reason why you don't want sex. Maybe just ask for a massage and see where it leads!

Dropdeadfred Mon 22-Sep-08 15:20:17

Could you not do things for him if you don't feel like full sex marathon? that way he feels loved, you don't feel smothered and you both go to sleep happy....?

PinkTulips Mon 22-Sep-08 15:23:03

i used to get cranky with dp when he came up to bed with me when mine were those ages as i spent all day longing for those few minutes in the bed all alone with no baby feeding and no dp taking up my personal space grin

it does get better honestly, mine are 2 and 3 now and i'm the one annoying dp for cuddles and sex again wink

incredulous Mon 22-Sep-08 15:29:11

I broached the subject a bit last night, but he just looked so hurt sad.

I don't think he could ever understand IYKWIM.

He is lovely.

drpdeadfred, nice idea, but even manual or oral makes me feel tired (the thought of it!!!)

Luckily I've had thrush for 2 weeks so good excuse. He keeps asking me how things are down there blush.

Dropdeadfred Mon 22-Sep-08 16:04:42

tired I can understand....but to be honest once you start doing stuff I think you often feel better for it yourself too..wink

wja Mon 22-Sep-08 19:35:35

do your dc's have afternoon naps?

When mine did and dh off or on night shift, we'd go to bed for some afternoon "cuddles" when i had much more energy than later in day and then have a cosy doze myself-leaving a whole night free for me.

incredulous Wed 24-Sep-08 09:51:02

Yes they sometimes nap at the same time in the afternoon, but not always when he is off work and tbh, I tend to catch up on housework when they are asleep, or come on MN!!

scattercushion Wed 24-Sep-08 10:20:21

What about having a nap yourself when they do? Bugger the housework and (dare I say it?) MN - you need to recharge your batteries. That way by the evening you may have a tiny bit more energy.

DaddyJ Wed 24-Sep-08 10:27:47

You have got two under 3, that's hard work!
You are simply knackered.
I doubt it has anything to do with a supposedly diminished capacity for love.

If he is that lovely he will understand.
Alternatively, leave him in charge over the weekend, then demand wild sex on Sunday night..

ranting Wed 24-Sep-08 10:41:17

Lol at DaddyJs suggestion (actually it's quite a good one).

It does get better, I certainly felt like this when dd was that age but then they get a bit less demanding and you start to feel a bit more human ifyswim. Actually for the first 3 1/2 years I felt like I was constantly sex dodging (or half sleeping through the act itself). And then it suddenly gets easier and you find yourself one night eyeing up dh and thinking 'And how you doin'.

incredulous Wed 24-Sep-08 13:36:54

LOL ranting at half sleeping thru the act itself (is that what they mean when they say sleeping through?! grin)

Yes I do sometimes nap myself, depends how up to date I am with chores. It stresses me out even more and puts me in less of a mood if the house is a mess, IYKWIM.

Charlee Wed 24-Sep-08 13:45:57

increddulous i have been in your position and even though its quite personal i am going to tell you my story.........

I was the same as you with DP although i love him to bits (despite his annoying man habits) the mear though of sex would make me want to vomit.
We were often arguing as he has a high sex drive and i had a below zero one.
Recently our relationship got to the point where we had to take a step back and almost start again with EVERYTHING i was getting ill and so was he becuase of all the arguing stressing in the house and it obviously wasn't great for the kids.

I made a pact with him to at least make the effort to feel 'in the mood' once a week for him and in return he promised not to nag me all the time for sex ect.

I have done this and he has kept to his end of the bargain and through making the effort to have sex i have found i have actually wanted it more aparently its some sciency thing that the more sex you have the more you want due to the relese of hormones ect.

So maybe you could give that a try?

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