Eeep, where to start. I am in the process of ending an unhappy marriage, of 10 years, but I have two children, aged 6 and 18 months who are just brilliant.
My husband and I have had so many problems for so long...we agreed on the number of children we would have, got married, he changed his mind about having a family, and ever since then it, everything has been a battle. We had our son, argued like cat and dog over the work, the responsiblilty, which he was VERY reluctant to share. He went to pieces and wanted to spend more and more time away, with friends, drinking his sorrows away. I was dead set on having baby no. 2, I was so heart broken that he was shying away from our plans and dreams, and I'm sure you know what i mean when I say I was desperately broody. We did break up in 2005, before we had our daughter, as I said I had to accept we wanted different things.
He said he didn't want to lose me and at the 11th hour agreed to have a 2nd child. I didn't really listen to the nagging voice that told me trouble was ahead - I was naive. It took us 8 months to conceive her, and he didn't change his mind. We struck a 'deal' where I agreed to do all the work, night waking etc. I kept to this.
However that was when it started to go really Pete Tong. He was away as much as possible, took a hobby 4 nights a week, became very possessive of our son. He said that meeting me was the biggest mistake of his life, repeatedly. He threatened suicide and terrified I referred him to our doctor, who concluded he wasn't. However whilst I was pregnant I found suicide notes, all left where I would find them.
Our beautiful DD was born and he stayed with me 2 minutes after she was born before leaving. In the months that followed, He moved into the spare room, I became stressed and ill and had a nervous breakdown. Nothing was working and I was sick of pretending. He was vile to me and I begged and begged him to change his mind. When she was 3 weeks old he again threatened suicide and I was afraid to let him out of my sight.
Even 15/16 months later, he was still 'punishing me' - I was told not to tell him I loved him, to get off, not touch him etc etc. Stopped from going out completely and stopped from having friends round. Eventually I snapped and went on to have an affair with a guy I met on line. Sleazy, very Jeremy Kyle....I know.
I am disgusted with myself for being unfaithful but I know why it happened. As soon as I said it was over to Dh, he has started to try and make ammends but I do not trust him anymore and love has gone. The respect has gone.
I am taking the decision to end the marriage, but I keep reminding myself that I am not escaping a violent relationship, I have children and ought to try and make a go of it for their sakes. But I want no more rowing, upheaval, etc etc, I want peace for me and for them.....how selfish am I? Go on....your opinions please. PS I am still seeing internet guy who I can't wean myself off. But i know things may well not work out with him, even though he is rather lovely.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Just How Selfish Am I??? Go on Girls I Can Take It.
KumquatMaye · 22/09/2008 01:05
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.