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At the beginning of the year I discovered my DH was having an affair, it was a horrible time.
At the time you can imagine it was awful. The OW alternated between calling our house and comiserating in how awful my DH is, advising me I should kick him out as I would cope fine on my own. She got another female to phone our home several times and also my mobile and pretend that she also was seeing my DH. (long story but we proved it was her or one of her friends doing this)
I of course was going mental with all this, I did ask him to leave, he wouldn't. It was awful for a long time, however he did manage to convince me that we could work things out. We have moved area, very near my family, basically what I am saying is that he has made a real effort and things are getting better all the time between us.
He has two phones, (classic sign I know) one for work and his own. He rarely uses his own one, and this was the one that he was using at the time he was seeing OW. On friday I took it out his drawer and switched it on. After a few minutes it started buzzing away with about a dozen messages. OW "I want to see you" "I could have been so could for you" Can we be friends if nothing else, I miss you". "I don't understand why you won't reply" "I love you". These messages havent been picked up by DH as he doesnt use this phone any more and they go back a few weeks.
Part of me wants to reply as him, part of me wants to rip her head off, and the remaining part of me is sick that she is trying so hard to reach him and what will happen whem she does. Some of the messages were sexually explicit therfore it is clear she wants more than friendship for a start.
I am sick that a woman who herself has a child is so intent on splitting up another family. I havent told my DH about this, but he knows there is something up. I don't even know why I am posting this, I just am so sick of this nasty excuse of a female.
OK, the affair was your husband's (and the OW's) fault, but the current messages aren't. Maybe he knows what she's doing and is sticking his head in the sand to avoid dealing with it.
I think the "I don't understand why you won't reply" shows he's not still involved with her.
I think you need to tell him what you did and what you found. Don't blame him for the messages, they aren't his fault and if you are happy with all the other steps he's taken to get your family back on track, move forward from it together.
If he doesn't use that phone much ask him to get a new SIM card for it with a new number, as it will make you feel more secure.
wise words for seabright.
The affair is over.
let it lie
Just read that and realised how unemotional I sound, I feel weary and sick that she has had the abiliy to make me feel so crap and all over again. It is like deja vu. It has been so hard and it still hurts I look at my DH, and wonder if he really wants to be with me. Does he miss her? When we have sex, does he think I am crap compared to her. But most of all the fact he betrayed me and everything I thought we had. Ironically the same night I found the texts he said to me "We'll be together forever you and me"
If she gets our home number (and she probably will) it is all going to start again.
I deleted the messages. like I was deleting her. But sadly I wasn't. She got our number before even though we are ex directory and I think she wil do it again.
I cant tell him about the texts because he will be mad I have checked his phone.
Thank you seabright, may be I will throw the phone away and he will think he has misplaced it. I honestly don't think he uses it as the credit has been exactly the same for months.
You poor thing. Don't let her hurt you even more. The above posters are right. These messages come from her, not him. Don't mention it to him. You'll only re-open the wound in yourself. He clearly hasn't replied. He's making an effort to be with you.
I have no words for what she's doing. Were you friends before, or what? Any answer will get her going. Just delete the messages and leave the phone where you found it. If she starts calling your house I'd call in the police and nail her for harassment, report to your GP how it's psychologically affecting you and you are tense and scared in your own home.
I hope she'll accept your Dh's decision soon.
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