I am in such a quandry, and its making me so sad (have namechanged)
I cannot figure out if I'm sad because of my mariage ,or my marriage is crap because I am sad.
My dh adores me. I mean, REALLy adores me. He always has. We have been together 20 years this year, he's my only partner.
Yet I go through these regular instances of 'shutting down' emotionally. Thats the only way I can describe it.
During these phases, I find him physically unattractive to the point where I cannot bear to be touched or cuddled and I feel myself flinch when he tries to kiss me.
To this end we have not had sex for weeks and weeks.
Usually its my 'desire' for sex that breaks this drought, but its not because I 'fancy' him per se, just because I need some. But then we do become closer again, it reactivates our closeness and things get back to normal.
But I keep having these feelings that we have nothing in common apart from the kids. We share a similar sense of humour. He tries so hard but just succeeeds in bugging me even more.
I appreciate this sounds so unreasonable of me, so please I don't want to hear You bitch! I know how horrible I sound. But I keep feeling like this, and I know its not fair on him.
In my really down times I feel cheated...cheated that I have never been with another man, cheated that my life feels so trapped, and I wonder whether we will stay together when the children have grown up.
We only get one life and I don't want to waste mine feeling like this anymore.
Sorry for the ramble....hope some sense can be gleaned from this.....
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Relationships
Need some wise words about my feelings towards dh
IBottleItUp · 21/09/2008 09:15
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