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He left but came back, I needed to hear this a few months ago.

(5 Posts)
CarolsFavourite Fri 19-Sep-08 01:18:02

I'm writing this because I wish someone would've been able to tell me that my boyfriends reaction to me being pregnant was one that would quite possibly change (as it well did.) I posted my situ on a prob site one day when I was so devestated I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed, and the responses I got were basically 'he's an idiot, move on, stay strong.' I could tell they thought I was naive to think he didn't mean all the awful things he said and that he couldn't just stop his feelings for me but it turns out my instincts were right. He was scared and wanted to turn back time...until i thought I was losing the baby and he realised that that was the last thing he wanted. I won't explain every detail but here's the basics...
We met on holiday in March, neither of us usually have had serious relationships but we kind of clicked. I'm 23 he's 22. He told me he loved me really quickly and I soon felt the same. We lived a few hrs apart at the time but we spent a few days a wk together still. We went on holiday abroad after 2 months of knowing each other. We got home and I found out I was pregnant. He told me he loved me and we' b ok, then he got cold feet said he wasn't sure he loved me anymore and that i should have an abortion. I was gutted, but he went from being mr perfect to absolutely horrible. He tried everything to get me to have an abortion but I just couldn't and at my first scan I could see the person I knew coming back. Then I started to bleed and thought the worst and he told me that thinking i'd lost the baby made him realise he doesn't want an abortion at all. We still didn't get back together and he continued to live it up with his mates and I began to think we were completely hopeless. He said some things to me that i'll never forget but I understand now why he said them and I honestly believe him when he tells me they were just words and they hold no truth. I see the shame in his face whenever I bring up how he treated me and left me for almost 3 months pregnant and heartbroken while he tried to erase me and our baby from his thoughts. He did come back tho and my initial instinct that he is the one and still one of the nicest most loving people i've ever met stands. He is, and although a lot of people think I should tell him to forget it, some things are worth the agony you've been through. When he called me up I was abroad with my girl friends and he told me how ashamed he is and that he'd do whatever it takes as he had finally thought it through and that our family is the most important thing to him. I told him actions speak louder than words and they definately do I got home and he has gone out of his way to reassure my family and friends, he's asked me to move in with him, he's vowed to take care of us and so far he is doing just that. He has done everything I've asked of him and he's turned into the proudest dad to be you'll ever meet. Our relationship has turned around and is finally back to where it was only were stronger and happier. We are only young and I think that although his behaviour was inexcusable I can identify with the way he was feeling like things were moving too fast and we are too young etc. We have not known each other for long but i've never been so sure that this is it and I am still angry a little but we have something that is good and it was against the odds. I needed this perspective when I was low so I hope it helps someone else. You never know what the future holds and things can get tough but whats meant to be is meant to be. x

solo Fri 19-Sep-08 01:29:12

So glad to hear that you are happy. Well done and keep him on his toes! grin

KarisTiasMum Fri 19-Sep-08 08:39:03

hi, i have just read your post, and i feel so happy for you. when you meet someone and really click with them you can forgive them for almost anything because something so special cannot just be dismissed because of peoples mistakes. Dont get me wrong, dont be a walkover.. but you know what i mean!
My and my partner have had a pretty rough time throughout our whole relationship, and sadly it not really over yet. It seems that one thing after another comes along to stir things up just as we get back on track. I know that most people think we are mad for staying together, and that he, and i, have said and done some unforgiveable things to each other but we have both stuck at it and to me that says so much. no one has cheated or strayed in anyway, so i know nothing has happened that we cant work on. I love him so much and i know he feels the same, we just have a few hurdles to overcome before we can really settle together.
I want that more than anything, and whatever anyone says, you cannot ignore strong feelings for someone, especially when you share the same dreams. When we are happy, we are the happiest couple ever... and cant stand being apart.
I posted on here a little while ago, having a bit of a rant and needing some advice after we had had a tough time and i got the same responses as you 'change the locks' 'he is an idiot' etc etc... completely missing the point about how i really felt for him.
I am so pleased to hear about someone else who has ignored other peoples opinions and followed their heart.. i will do this forever, for as long as my feeling stay strong for him.
i wish you so much luck and hope you have a happy life together and enjoy your new family. It doesnt matter how long you have been together, if its there its there... and you are so lucky to have 'clicked' with someone and have your first baby on the way.
I look forward to hearing about when it arrives! good lucky honey x

HappyWoman Fri 19-Sep-08 09:41:25

You dont have to always forgive either but like you say you have to live - my h did cheat on my - yes unforgiveable.
Am i fool for continuing - well if i am at the moment i am happy and at least we are making some memories that are good.

Will he do it again - he might (as could any man i may meet).

I am enjoying our relationship for what it is now and until that changes i will continue to enjoy it.

Like you say none of us knows what is around the corner, the important thing is we should support and not preach.

lilacclaire Fri 19-Sep-08 09:47:15

So happy that things are working out, so he had a (very) serious wobble. Go with your gut instinct and don't listen to anyone else. Its only you and him (and bump) in the relationship so no-one else really knows how things are between you two.
Sounds like you have a fab time in front of you, all the best x

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