I'm fed up being the one who is always on top of everything

[ssd]

I mean the one who is on top of the kids homework/play dates/birthday presents/beaver runs/school charity collection/kids needing clothes bought/bins needing put out(same day for 10 years.../ I could go on and on

I'm just so fed up, dh is great with the kids generally but only great with things he's interested in IYSWIM

don't give me a talking to, I know him too well, its what he's like

[JackieNo]

You have my sympathies - that's what it mostly feels like for me. Not sure if there's any solution, tbh.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

And your problem is?

{grin]

[ssd]

I mean dh is truly great, irons, hoovers, cleans - honestly

its just the boring minute details I have to keep on top of or it doesn't happen, drives me mad

[anyfucker]

yes, same here

dh is very helpful and willing but never does anything off his own bat. I always have to remind (often several times) and ask

its bloody exhausting isn't it to be the one who does all the juggling (and thinking/using initiative)

[ssd]

sometimes I feel like his mum

[JackieNo]

Yes - that's exactly it - feeling like their mum.

[BEAUTlFUL]

I can't go into depth as mine is right here, lurking behind me, but YES, I feel your pain.

I want to stop being the responsible one and just see it all crash to the floor, but that would only punish the kids, not DH.

I know we moan, but isn't this what being the Mum is all about, really? Was your Dad ever involved at all in your playdates/schoolfriends/Brownies, etc, when you were little? Mine certainly wasn't.

[BirdyArms]

Me too. I often toy with the idea of withdrawing some services, eg buying presents for his parents, but I think that it's me that would end up looking bad.

[clumsymum]

Oh how I understand. Not only dealing with ds's life, but all of it. Bills, contracts, the lot.

The prob is partly becos dh worked away from home Mon-Fri for 2 years, while I was 90% SAHM. So dh didn't have the time or opportunity to think about anything but getting himself to and from work, and work itself.
During that time I re-organised the mortgage, booked holidays, bartered for cheap gas & elec tarrifs, bought everyone's birthday prezzies, signed cards on his behalf, arranged his car's MOTs (we would swap cars for a week) and insurance and retax it .... etc etc etc...

This time last year he got a job at home, and I've taken on more work in the meantime. BUT I still seem to have responsibility for everything.

Last week when the cable telly service was playing up, I lost it completely, and told him I can't do it all, and shouldn't have to.
So who bought birthdays cards and organised the prezzie for my stepson this week ??? Guess.

[VersdeSociete]

I too feel the pain. I wonder what would happen if we all just stopped?

[moondog]

Ssd, but does he deal with other shit you find tedious?
I asl because it is the same in our house, but dh does all bills, admin, DIY, car stuff and so on. So it's fair enough.

[lisad123]

me too, seems to be a normal thing for most of us. BUT I know DH can cope if he needed to as he did a wonderful job when I was in hospital for 3 weeks, DH was only 3 weeks too!! He admitted he doesnt do it now as he knows I will

[VersdeSociete]

Interesting but depressing exercise I've just made up here:
Who does the following in your house:
Children's administration (school, dates, GP, parties etc);
Bills;
Car admin;
DIY;
Organisation of housework;
Shopping;
Organisation of extended family stuff?

[lisad123]

versde: answer to all: ME!!

[moondog]

Lisa , guffaw at your dh doing all that when he was only 3 weeks old!

[VersdeSociete]

Ah, me too, apart from the car! Sigh....

[moondog]

Dh does 4.5 out of 6 of those.

[DoubleBluff]

Vers - me too

[VersdeSociete]

moondog, you are blessed amongst women....

[moondog]

That m'dear, is why I married him!

[clumsymum]

Who does the following in your house:
Children's administration (school, dates, GP, parties etc); ME
Bills; ME
Car admin; ME
DIY; NO ONE. ALL JOBS ARE DONE BY LOCAL HANDYMAN, BOOKED BY ........ ME
Organisation of housework; ME
Shopping; SOMETIMES DH SHOPS, BUT I HAVE TO WORK OUT WHAT WE NEED FIRST
Organisation of extended family stuff; ME

[VersdeSociete]

I think we should evict moondog from this thread and invite mr moondog to come on.

[moondog]

I think he is on the piss somewhere in Bangladesh. He will be either sleeping or talking crap, so not altogether perfect.

[lisad123]

whoops i might dd of course

[solidgoldbrass]

OK, first work out (as others have said) the stuff he deals with that is useful (car tax, petrol? Council tax? Changing lightbulbs? I have no idea as am blissfully single) and work out how unfair the division of this sort of crap actually is.
If it's very much a case of you doing 5 things for every 1 he does, then work out which of the things you do benefit him more than anyone else, and stop doing those - well, after a warning that you are going to. And if other people complain to you that it wasn't done, smile nicely and say, 'That was DH's job.'