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[sad][sad][sad] fall out with friend

(19 Posts)
alexsmum Fri 25-Feb-05 13:06:39

Just been at a friends this morning with another mum.I have known one of the women for a couple of years and one for a shorter time but we had started to become quite close.
We just chatting away, and out of the blue this woman says to me ' i feel i can say this because because we're friends, but i think you're out of order to come into someone elses house and say that' ( paraphrasing as don't want to go into details)I was totally shocked and i think my other friend was too. so i said sorry that i hadn't realised i had said
anything offensive etc.
i took ds2 to the loo and had a cry and when i came out she had gone upstairs. my other friend was saying ' you didn't do anything wrong' and i couldn't stop crying

Have come and feel really upset.She has phoned and left amessage on my machine apologising and saying she didn't mean to upset me etc.

I just feel now, that i am never going to be able to relax around her again. that i'm always going to have to watch what i say etc. i don't know what to do.

wild Fri 25-Feb-05 13:11:21

without knowing what it was that upset her it's difficult to see her point of view, but surely it's a plus she could be honest with you? maybe she is just a direct person. I personally would not be in tears if someone picked up on something I had said, I would welcome the opportunity to disucss it and explain my viewpoint.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Fri 25-Feb-05 13:19:24

not sure what to say {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

alexsmum Fri 25-Feb-05 13:22:13

thanks marslady! maybe i'm being too sensitive but when someone has a go apropos of nothing it knocks the wind out you.well out of me anyway.

wish my dh was around for real hugs.nevr mind , he's home tonight.

alexsmum Fri 25-Feb-05 13:23:12

thanks marslady! maybe i'm being too sensitive but when someone has a go apropos of nothing it knocks the wind out you.well out of me anyway.

wish my dh was around for real hugs.nevr mind , he's home tonight.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Fri 25-Feb-05 13:25:44

It would do, especially as it came straight out of left field.

Your other friend says that you did nothing wrong so if you can just let it go. Remind yourself of how blessed you are with your children, your clear expertise on raising boys called Alex and the fact that we love you. Not to mention your DH loving you etc etc...

Go on... smile.... you know you want to....

Mud Fri 25-Feb-05 13:27:38

but what did you say? and how did he take it?

alexsmum Fri 25-Feb-05 13:28:25

aaw marslady wish they had a symbol for a smile thats all wonky 'cos you're crying at the same time!
i've got see this woman at the schhol gate later. don't know what on earth i'm going to embarrassing.

alexsmum Fri 25-Feb-05 13:30:07

its too pathetic togo into's the kind of thing 13 year old girls fall out over

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Fri 25-Feb-05 13:33:00

Now you see I'm evil. I would smile really brightly and say hello then move quickly on. And just for today, because she has upset you so much, I would do what Susan on Desperate Housewives told Mrs Huber. "When I say hello to you, know that inside I hate your guts" or words to that effect. Of course you don't tell the other mum that.

I had a mum shout at me at school on Wednesday because I asked her to do something. She completely exploded and shouted at me that her child had fallen over and she couldn't do everything blah blah blah. Well I wouldn't have spoken to her if I had seen that her child had fallen, but when I spoke she was writing on a blackboard. I told her she was bl**dy rude and moved on.

However, as you are nicer than me just grin very brightly. All will be well honey. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

wild Fri 25-Feb-05 13:33:08

Just give her a smile
bet she's dreading seeing you far more if she thinks she's upset you so much
She doesn't sound too bad if she called you, that was a nice thing to do
She is maybe one of those people who open their mouths and put their foot in it, had no idea she would hurt you
Go on, bet you it will be OK! you may be better friends afterwards who knows

Mud Fri 25-Feb-05 13:33:23

oh think I know the kind of thing you mean.don't woryy about it

orangina Fri 25-Feb-05 13:38:37

sounds like she is being over sensitive (you might have unwittingly hit a nerve with your innocuous comment, how were you to know?), and it should be SHE dreading to see you at the school gate.... after all, she lost it, not you.....
As everyone else says, just smile and hope that 1 day she'll tell you what that was all about ....

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Fri 25-Feb-05 17:17:09

hi Alexsmum, how did it go? Hope it was all cleared up.

alexsmum Fri 25-Feb-05 18:38:17

thanks for asking marslady, you are a sweet
well, i was standing talking to someone else when she arrived in the playground.she touched me on the arm as she walked past and when i turned, smiled. but when ds came out we just came straight home and didn't stop to talk. to be honest, i haven't a clue what to say.
i'm not so upset now and part of thinks she's a bit bonkers.
told the whole story to my best mate and she was killing herself laughing.we both know that if she had said this to me i would have told her to f off and we would have laughed and carried on as normal.
seriously don't know what my next move should be.she might think i was out of order but i think she is so out of order it's unreal.

charleypops Fri 25-Feb-05 18:49:05

Assuming what she was referring to really was from nothing at all, and the friend who's house you were in at the time wasn't just being polite, it does sounds like this woman is indeed a bit bonkers Seriously though, she might actually have a bit of an unusual psyhological profile. A lot of "normal" people do. She might just have been having a bad day. Either way, don't take it personally. The "problem" she had with you probably says more about her internal dialogue. I'm sure you'll find a natural level of "friendship" with her after this. I wouldn't worry about it myself.

prettyfly1 Fri 25-Feb-05 19:55:39


i am quite a forward person and sometimes i have really offended people by being very blunt and saying what i think without thinking about how i say it. Maybe she is feeling just as bad as you. If she knows she has upset you she will probably feel dreadful and very embarassed, although i do agree with the person who said that being honest with you is a good sign. For most people it shows that they respect someone if they can be truly honest. Without knowing ins and outs its tough but maybe there is a little bit of existing jealousy or insecurity as can sometimes happen when there is a group of three, or perhaps there just needs to be a little more tact between the three of you. Whatever happens i hope you guys can resolve it. I always find falling out with friends really hard. Like the old phrase men come and go but mates........................

alexsmum Fri 25-Feb-05 20:52:16

to anyone who has posted, just to let you know that after several glasesses of whiskey, phoned the friend in question. she said she was extra prickly cos shes' got pmt , she didn't want to fall out over it etc.said she didn't want to hurt me.

kind of made up but still feel very strange about it all. like i'll never be able to relax in front of her again cos always wondering what will set her off next time.

morningpaper Fri 25-Feb-05 20:57:36

Sorry Alexsmum, I have an aquiantance that I always seem to rub up the wrong way, it's bloody awful. I now avoid situations where she might be! It always leaves me feeling terrible.

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