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Feel really hurt by friend's behaviour, am I over reacting?

(4 Posts)
docket Fri 25-Feb-05 11:34:41

One of my oldest and closest friends has recently moved to another city hundreds of miles away.

She does come to my home town to visit every few weeks. Each time this happens she calls me in advance saying how much she wants to meet and that she'll call me at this time to arrange. Then she just doesn't call at all, or if she does she'll call really late in the day / last minute so we never get to meet up.

I was with her at the birth of her son and feel I was pretty supportive to her at the time (very complicated situation with the father etc). I have a 4 month old ds who she has seen once. I just feel that she should understand what it's like being a new mum (not easy to just drop things, nice to have plans etc). Should I tell her how I feel or just forget about it? Can't stop thinking about it and not sure whether I'm just losing perspective. Any advice really welcome, thanks. Docket.

Bella23 Fri 25-Feb-05 11:43:06

Docket sorry you re feeling upset by your friend. I think yu need to tell her. The thing about friendships is that you need to tell the other person how you feel as we all get caught up in our own worlds and don't realise how I behaviour has an effect. Just explain and I am sure she will realise.
Sounds to me like she is just being a little thoughtless and this can easily be solved by telling her how you feel etc
Good Luck

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Fri 25-Feb-05 11:48:02

It's hard when friends treat is in an unexpected way. I, personally, think that you should talk to her about it. I would wait until you are really feeling calm about it though. Don't call just after a visit or just before a planned visit. Just explain that you really miss her and that you feel hurt when your arrangements go awry. Don't dwell on the fact that you were supportive and think that she should be. Do tell her how it makes you feel (without accusation). If you don't feel that you could keep the conversation accusation free (and believe me it is not easy)then write a letter, but bear in mind that things don't always translate well in letters.

I had a friend do the same to me, but in my case she sent back a message via someone else saying that all was fine and I never heard from her again. It hurt, but then I figured her loss. After all I am wonderful!!

hth

docket Fri 25-Feb-05 12:00:58

thanks .

you are right, i just need to talk to her.

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