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Think dh needs help

(18 Posts)
lupo Tue 16-Sep-08 22:45:54

Just had a row with dh, basically I normally watch small tv upstairs and have previously not minded doing this as get in bed cosy etc, and he watches new plasma downstairs if we are want our own time to chill out.

The upstairs tv reception has been pretty bad so I asked him if he could please take a look.

He came up stairs, and said he could see nothing wrong at all - there are very obvious lines and fuzzy reception, when I pointed this out he replied you are mental, a fucking idiot and a dick head and you need to get your eyes checked..

Surely this is a total overeaction to absolutely nothing. I told him that He could bloody watch it and I went downstairs to watch the big one. He has now stormed out.

I am sick of being spoken to like crap after making a simple request ..surely this is emotional abuse or is this just a normal row? Am I overeacting to this and do you or your dh's react in a similar way to a simple request. I am not aware that there is anything behind this reaction, eg..we were having a normal evening up to that point and getting on fine. what would you do? would you have told him to xxx off and not give it another thought or would you be upset also? Thanks in advance

GypsyMoth Tue 16-Sep-08 22:56:13

i'd be extremely upset if its out of character!!! my ex used to be like that.

BreeVanderCampLGJ Tue 16-Sep-08 23:00:02

I would question why, you are in different parts of the house watching different programmes. TBH

Then I would question why he feels the need to speak to you like that ?

Dior Tue 16-Sep-08 23:02:35

Message withdrawn

lupo Tue 16-Sep-08 23:03:50

Bree,

we normally watch stuff together but sometimes we like do do our own thing also, eg I watch some of my escapism tv and he plays for an hour or so on his xbox which is ofcourse set up downstairs? I like my own space some evenings when ds is in bed as does he, we also do stuff together.

Agree with you on the second question, have no idea why he talks to me like that, and his anger seems to come from nowhere.

any more advice anyone? does anyone experience similar?

lupo Tue 16-Sep-08 23:04:01

Bree,

we normally watch stuff together but sometimes we like do do our own thing also, eg I watch some of my escapism tv and he plays for an hour or so on his xbox which is ofcourse set up downstairs? I like my own space some evenings when ds is in bed as does he, we also do stuff together.

Agree with you on the second question, have no idea why he talks to me like that, and his anger seems to come from nowhere.

any more advice anyone? does anyone experience similar?

Dropdeadfred Tue 16-Sep-08 23:04:22

did he really not see the problem with the television...? does he need an eye test?

I would not let anyone speak to me like that

PeaMcLean Tue 16-Sep-08 23:04:59

No he shouldn't speak to you like that. Sounds a complete overreaction.

However, you say you're sick of being spoken to like crap so this isn't the first time? Perhaps there's something brewing in him that you're not aware of?

I know DH would get fed up if we spent most evenings in separate rooms. Are you sure he's always happy with the arrangement? Just asking cos I know my DH wouldnt' be.

HOwever his words and behaviour to you on this occasion are inexcusable.

minorbird Tue 16-Sep-08 23:06:16

Poor you! Its horrid when someone breaks your vibe! sad I would be upset if my DH swore at me or called me names. Particularly over something so trivial and uncalled for! I agree with the posters here, if it is out of the norm, I'd want to know why!

lupo Tue 16-Sep-08 23:12:29

He does seem to get angry quite quickly when we argue - and does resort to name calling also., though we dont argue that much. Def a bit if a jekyl and hyde character eg fine one moment and flying off the handle if we argue. He knows I hate being spoken to like that and I think this is why he does it tbh, to get a reaction.

Cant understand how something so simple can turn into a row tbh

minorbird Tue 16-Sep-08 23:18:19

He isn't... sexually frustrated is he? I only ask because my DH can be like a hormonal woman when he's anchoring after a bit. Of course, not all men are that simple, it could be work/money stress? Or deeper issues? x

PeaMcLean Tue 16-Sep-08 23:27:36

So he's doing it to get a reaction out of you and it works? When it's happened before, what happens next? Do you do your best to make amends or does he just carry on like nothings happened?

Alambil Tue 16-Sep-08 23:48:35

Is this regular? (ie not a one-off)

what happens after he comes back?

Does he make out it's your fault?

Womens' Aid cite name calling as domestic abuse; emotional and verbal abuse...

I'd think long and hard if you want to put up with it

Zebraa Wed 17-Sep-08 00:08:39

HE sounds like the dickhead here, not you!
First time or not, nobody should be spoken to or treated like that!!

Sounds like he's harbouring some issues. Like a typical man, he probably expects you know what is going on in his head.

Step 1, talk to him about it.

If this gets you nowhere or he treats the badly again...

Step 2, speak to someone out of your relationship, like the woman's abuse help lines available, you can email some of them if you don't want to talk.

Also, we're all here to talk when you need an ear or advice so you're not alone.

Zebraa Wed 17-Sep-08 00:09:59

(During Step 1, suggest he speak to someone re his issues/temper if you're able to talk about it all)

blinks Wed 17-Sep-08 01:28:50

not normal and i would be talking to him about anger management... it is definitely verbal abuse.

lupo Wed 17-Sep-08 12:40:27

Hi, thanks for responses. everything returne to normal within a couple of hours and i wonder whether i imagined it all. If I try and talk to him it tunrs into another row and the cycle repeats itself ...to be honest I have hardened to his comments most of the time, though i guess I can never understand how trivial stuff provokes such strong and angry reactions in him.

blinks Wed 17-Sep-08 14:19:08

if i were you i would do a bit of reading on dealing with verbal abuse... just because it all eventually blows over, doesn't mean his behaviour is acceptable.

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