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First Cousins

(61 Posts)
offtoseethewizard Mon 15-Sep-08 20:39:34

Is anyone married to /in a relationship with their first cousin, do you have children? did it cause a problem in your family or are you accepted?

LaylaandSethsmum Mon 15-Sep-08 20:41:19

Not me but my BF parent's are cousins. They have 2 kids, don't think it was ever a real issue in the family.

beeny Mon 15-Sep-08 20:41:41

Asians constantly marrying first cousins

cyanarasamba Mon 15-Sep-08 20:42:40

My sister is married to our first cousin. They have two lovely children. This has been fully accepted by our family. There were a few raised eyebrows initially but it soon became clear that they were serious and good for eachother.

offtoseethewizard Mon 15-Sep-08 20:47:23

Thanks for your replies was hoping for positive responses. I know this does not only happen in Asian families but I don't know anyone personally. I also know legally it is not incestuous but am interested if anyone has faced any prejudice about this. It is not me yet btw but could possibly be.

fishie Mon 15-Sep-08 20:48:15

my uncle married his cousin. they had one child and got divorced.

EyeballsintheSky Mon 15-Sep-08 20:48:17

Not me but my first cousin is in a relationship with her first cousin, on the other side IYSWIM. It caused merry hell. She's 22 and he is pushing 40. They hid it for a long time but it all came out and her father hit the roof. We could hear him giving out in another country! Her mother, whose nephew he is refused to talk about it at all and there was a standoff for a good 6 months.

Then she threatened to move out and in with him and they decided they'd rather she stayed near home where they could keep an eye on her. They've been together about 3 years now and are back together after a brief split. They have researched everything and are taking it very seriously. TBH though, I was all set to stare at them strangely when I saw them together at a family do (as you do, in a nice way of course) but he's such a nice bloke it was neither here nor there in the end. Everyone has just accepted it now and it's never mentioned.

fishie Mon 15-Sep-08 20:50:53

premature posting there.

i don't know whether they had a lot of trouble, certainly everyone had got over it by the time i was old enough to notice.

go for it, people will find all sorts of reasons to object to potential partners and a shared background can only be helpful for your relationship. perhaps you could get some genetic counselling?

offtoseethewizard Mon 15-Sep-08 20:54:29

Hi Eyeballs do you think the objection was more because they were related or the age difference or a combination of both?

EyeballsintheSky Mon 15-Sep-08 20:58:57

Both I think, but they would have been able to accept the age difference more readily on its own. I don't have any problem with it...well. only that her sister who is my gossip link with that part of the family, didn't tell me sooner!

I'm with fishie. If it's you, go for it. You have to take whatever chances you can in life and you're not doing anything wrong, otherwise it would be illegal.

traceybath Mon 15-Sep-08 21:00:42

I know this does happen more in some asian communities - wasn't there quite a lot in the news a few months ago about the problems this causes in terms of genetic diseases in the children?

of course that relates more to there being lots of familial inter-marriage.

To be honest i think i would think it was a little odd if you'd been brought up very closely together but some first cousins hardly know each other.

Hope it all works out for you.

CarGirl Mon 15-Sep-08 21:02:45

My dh works with someone married to her first cousin, they have 2 children now. They eldest dc had an extra toe which of course coincidence! They are very odd about money though, he is very wealthy and quite a bit older than her and you do wonder if there was a sense that he wanted to keep it in the family?

EyeballsintheSky Mon 15-Sep-08 21:02:51

Actually, thinking about it, my uncle (in law)'s sister is married to their cousin and they have a son. They've been married for years and no one was allowed to mention it. But then they are downright strange regardless of who they married. It's open knowledge now though. Again, everyone just got used to it when the planet didn't explode with shock.

God, it's rife in my family, isn't it?

fishie Mon 15-Sep-08 21:05:06

i'm sure this has come up before too, search archives? i can't think of any reason for it to be worse than having children with your childhood neighbour.

only a problem if you are forced into it due to lack of options, which is a very ghastly thought.

DanJARMouse Mon 15-Sep-08 21:05:14

As a lot of people on here know, Im married to my cousin.

I have 3 gorgeous children and they are all perfectly healthy.

Initially things were a bit fraught with DH's side, but things are all now fine and we are 5yrs down the line.

The only negative reaction I have had was from DH's old boss when he was in the Army, caused merry hell for DH because he basically didnt accept our relationship.

MIL was the worst to start with, phoned my mum demanding to know how they could stop us going ahead - my mum told her in no uncertain terms that we would go ahead regardless and to get over it.

It isnt even an issue now, I see DH's parents as inlaws and my dad (mum passed away) sees DH as a son-in-law.

(My dad is DH's mums brother)

DanJARMouse Mon 15-Sep-08 21:07:48

oh and me and DH didnt know each other at all while growing up - his dad in army, my dad in air force.

We got chatting on his 21st birthday via texts when he gave his new mobile (his first ever) number to my aunt i was visiting at the time.

I was only 17 and although we tried a relationship it didnt work because we were both too scared of the family reaction.

We then resumed things again 3yrs later and hey presto, married within 6mnths.

offtoseethewizard Mon 15-Sep-08 21:19:29

Hi DanJar, we are related in the same way as you - my dad, his mum were brother and sister (both deceased) we are really close friends at the mo (tho this has happened recently as adults - we were never close as kids). Thank you for sharing your story, so glad I posted on here now smile

Weeteeny Wed 17-Sep-08 13:57:16

My husbands brother is in a relationship with one of their first cousins and they have a child together, it has caused a lot of family divisions.
My DH accepted it immediately, along the lines of they are adults and know their own minds, not all his siblings have though.
He does however think it has destroyed his own relationship with his cousins. There is an air of distrust iykwim as they do not approve what his brother has done.
Also where he had a close relationship with his cousin that is now with his brother and her family, this no longer exists. It has been very negative for the whole family and there is a big divide.
I would have to say though, much of the divide has been created as a result of his brother and cousin cutting themselves off as a result of a perception that absolutely everyone is against them, this is not the case.
I feel mostly for their DD as she is growing up isolated from the rest of the family. We have invited them to visit, gone to see them etc yet they make it clear by their actions that they do not wish to reciprocate. I feel that by doing this they are setting her up to seen as the different one within the family, as she mixes with no-one else.

My DH's and his brother's relationship is now practically non existant whereas they used to be as thick as thieves. Sad.

I would say if it makes you happy go for it, and do it with confidence. I feel that my DH's brother and partner have never had the confidence to air their relationship and tell others to mind their own.

DrNortherner Wed 17-Sep-08 14:00:09

It;s not ilegal is it?

But, my cousins and me grew up in a close knit family so I can not imagine marrying any of them.

DrNortherner Wed 17-Sep-08 14:00:46

But how weird that yuor aunt/uncle would become mother/father in law......

Weeteeny Wed 17-Sep-08 14:00:56

It's not illegal, no.

FluffyMummy123 Wed 17-Sep-08 14:01:48

Message withdrawn

Weeteeny Wed 17-Sep-08 14:02:59

Agreed Dr Northner, my DH's niece is also. his 2nd cousin. I guess her dad is also her 2nd cousin.

bundle Wed 17-Sep-08 14:04:34

I thought that too cod, but having read JARM's post, it does sound like things have worked out incredibly well for them.

FluffyMummy123 Wed 17-Sep-08 14:07:21

Message withdrawn

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