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Advice for supporting a heart broken friend please ....

(8 Posts)
NODDYRULES Fri 12-Sep-08 19:13:59

My best friend has just found out that her husband of 4 years (together 15) has been having an affair for 4 years. She found out via text from the woman he has been having an affair with. She is in deep shock and trauma, and has been spending her days and evenings with me. She has 2 dc. She hasnt asked him to leave yet as cannot face it even though she knows it is over. She was prescribed tranquilizers for the first few days, which I have control of but worrying she is becoming dependant on them. It is so shocking and all I am doing is being there for her 24/7. If I had a bigger house she and kids could come and stay, but have DP and 4 dc in 3 bedroom small house. She has having talk over the weekend with him. Just wondering what else I can do except listen and be there. I havent advised her to ask him to leave even though I want to, oh and to put a shot gun to his head. But thats not very helpful grin sad

Greyclay Fri 12-Sep-08 19:26:01

Sounds like you're doing all of the right things. And I wouldn't worry about her becoming dependant on the tranquilizers at this point. She's in shock and in crisis mode. All you can do is be there for her and listen to her, and give her appropriate advice at the appropriate time. You'll know when that will be. Yes, the husband needs to get out of there as soon as possible. At least for now. She's lucky to have you as a friend during this horrible time. I hope she'll be ok.

ambercat Fri 12-Sep-08 19:32:05

Listen to her, hug her, cry with her, let her know it isn't her fault and don't let her blame herself, Don't slag him off too much however much you want to, they may still work it out.

I feel for your frien, i have been going through similar over the last 6 months and could not have got through the heartbreak and betrayl with out my sister and my lovely friends who just listened and let me cry. You sound like you're doing a great job. x

NODDYRULES Fri 12-Sep-08 21:28:22

Thank you for letting me know I am doing the right things, I feel so helpless watching her go through all this pain. Sorry to hear ambercat you went through it. cannot imagine what it must be like x

Janos Fri 12-Sep-08 21:36:56

Your poor friend Noddy, what a dreadful thing to happen. You are doing all the right things just by being there for her.

Oh and btw if I had a shotgun you could have it! What an arse.

stillsuchamess Fri 12-Sep-08 21:52:52

you are doing the right things and it sounds as though you will still be there listening in a few week/months when the novelty has worn off for everyone else.

PurpleOne Fri 12-Sep-08 22:19:15

I'd love a friend like you. There are no hard and fast rules, you are doing all of the right things and I'm sure she appreciates the companionship.

If you cook a casserole, you could take some over to her? Broken hearts tend to not eat much. Makes sure she sleeps well and keep an eye on those tranquilsers.
You sound like a wonderful mate!

NODDYRULES Fri 12-Sep-08 22:24:59

Aw thanks! Sometimes she talks, sometimes she just sits there looking so broken. It's hard to see her like this. But am sure she will be stronger and ready to face the world long before his sorry ASS is!!!

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