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I need help with this so any ideas welcome.

(8 Posts)
lardybump Fri 12-Sep-08 18:03:13

MIL keeps going on about having dd again for the day. The thing is that I don’t like her at all. She shows me no respect and ignores my wishes and I don’t want her to have dd. She was a crap mother to dp and really messed up his head, and she is rude and disrespectful to me. I know I am being selfish however and she loves dd and dd loves her, I don’t want dd to miss out because of me!! The thing is that I need to get over myself really and I don’t know where to start.

As soon as I see the woman my blood boils (I do keep it very under wraps there is no way she knows) and I revert to a petty child.. But she is so domineering. She snatches dd from me as soon as I walk in (or she walks in) and then follows her around like a bloody lost sheep. It winds me up so much!! DD is not her only grandchild by the way she has others (although to look at the way she is with dd you wouldn’t think so). She also does things that she knows I dont like and when questioned about it her reply is “Oh it wont do her any harm”. So how do I get over this. Any ideas welcome.

CuppaTeaJanice Fri 12-Sep-08 18:05:47

How does DP feel?

luckylady74 Fri 12-Sep-08 18:07:06

I try (and often fail) to see it as a job - so like I've had to be civil to colleagues who were twonks - I have to be civil to pil!

Also get dp on side and make sure he sticks up for things you believe in!

lardybump Fri 12-Sep-08 18:12:51

He doesn't know the full extent of my bad feelings.. He is the first to admit that she has her faults but he really wants mil and dd to have a close relationship (which I do understand because I want the same with my mum).

She tends to do things very slyly as well so the disrispect she shows me is really only plain to me if that makes sence.

ReginaFalangi Fri 12-Sep-08 18:17:25

Lardybump, will be watching this thread, as I could have written more or less the same thing.

Mil snatches the girls as soon as they are in sight, and will hold them forcefully even when they try to escape (you know that thing kids do with their shoulders, you just can't get hold of them, i call it "slippery snake").

She has now resorted to lying about it all saying "ooh Regina is out aaaalll the time, so i have to have her DDs overnight".

Not true.

She once dropped DD1 when she was 7 months old, and never apologised, just said it was the baby's fault. shock. We ended up taking her to A&E as she was sick (DD not Mil), Mil never even called to see how she was.

From that day, I said "that woman isn't going near my DDs".

Dh understands (although he would like the situation to be different).

DD1 and 2 love her to bits, but they just don't question why I am around all the time when Mil is. They can enjoy her company this way.

(i have a long list of unbelievable things she suggested to "help" me care for the babies, but that would be a whole different thread, i have already hijacked yours!! Sorry!)

All this to say, you're not alone.

shootfromthehip Fri 12-Sep-08 18:17:31

I detest my MIL with a passion that almost borders on obsession (joking) so I know where you are coming from. I don't think that you can put an outright vito on her spending time with DD just because you don't like her but the rules issue needs to be addressed. I have had this to a lesser degree with my own Mum and it is really tricky and you could take one of two tacks-
.Get DP to go with them and make sure thast things are done the way you want them to be, or
.Teach DD about 'special occasions' where MIL will have some rules but when we are at home we do it this way.

It is so hard as my kids love my MIL and rarely she her (Hurray- sorry- petty blush) so I really opt out because I feel like it's my decision to allow her to do things 'her way' (petty again). I know that it is really a kid on but I have to resolve it in my head like that or the furocity would kill me. grin

shootfromthehip Fri 12-Sep-08 18:20:59

Sorry crap typing should be 'rarely SEE her'. My MIL is now renamed the 'Witch in law' as she too is a sneaky little f@#*er and undermines me with the kids and DH. Aaargh.

lardybump Fri 12-Sep-08 18:41:55

Witch in law sounds good to me. And I like the idea of viewing her as a work colleague, I am going to try that one. Seriously though she has never done anything sinister to me she is just very disrespectful, sly and underminding.

DP takes her there every week so she does see her (even that annoys me, see I told you I am a nut job over this) I just stay at home. I just hate the thought of leaving dd with her, it is irrational because she would never hurt dd and dd loves it there. So it is just me that has a problem here..

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