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He doesn't want to meet the kids...

(37 Posts)
MrsSportacus Thu 11-Sep-08 20:14:43

Been separated for 12 months. Got two kids under 5. Been seeing a bloke for 6 months ..we are 'in love' but can only see each other once / twice a week due to me having the kids. I think now is the time to introduce him to the girls for an occasional day out - not having him stay over or anything. However he says he doesn't want to meet the kids 'til I'm divorced, I've told him this could be years yet. In my heart I know he really isn't interested in the kids at all. Should I finish it? Am I wasting my time? Thanks girls.

Ronaldinhio Thu 11-Sep-08 20:18:16

He can't love you as a seperate entity unfortunately you are a package deal
Tell him to jog on

lulumama Thu 11-Sep-08 20:20:04

yes, you are wasting your time
if you know it in your heart, move on
the children will always be part of the deal

being in love means he accepts you and all that comes with you

i like jog on.. good phrase

i also like ' don;t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out'

try one or both on him!!

MrsSportacus Thu 11-Sep-08 20:23:03

i know. if i was somebody else i'd see it straight away. i think i'm scared i'll never meet anyone who'd want me with kids and they exist? when is it ok to introduce a new man? am i a complete prat? (er yes)

undercovercat Thu 11-Sep-08 20:24:57

You arent a complete prat, why the divorce thing? If you were divorced would he really meet them tommorow, or is he just delaying?

lulumama Thu 11-Sep-08 20:24:59

yes they do exist. but you won;t find one wasting time with a man like this !

RubySlippers Thu 11-Sep-08 20:26:07

run like the wind

you will meet the right person

Dropdeadfred Thu 11-Sep-08 20:31:47

he's a knob using them as an excuse not to get really committed....after all he could meet them as a friend..they don't have to instantly think he's the new man in your life do they?

Ronaldinhio Thu 11-Sep-08 20:33:32

I don't know if they exist to be honest but this definately isn't one of them.

Get back to kissing frog duty

noonki Thu 11-Sep-08 20:35:09

forget him, there is no hope for a future together,

I met my DSS after a few weeks of being together when we knew that we had something a bit long term, we said we were friends and I didn't sleep at my DH's house when he was there until we had been together for a few months

I loved my DH but knew that his son was (and still is) going to take precedent over me. When I had worked this out I fell for him hook line and sinker, as I knew it made a good man

A man you meet should see you as both a woman in your own right but also as a mum, because your kids are (I assume) the most important thing to you.

good luck

noonki Thu 11-Sep-08 20:36:07

Also - after 6 months I bet it is a rebound relationship anyway and you will look back and cringe!

Twelvelegs Thu 11-Sep-08 20:37:01

Does he give the 'real' reason?

MrsSportacus Thu 11-Sep-08 21:06:24

He says he doesn't want my ex to find out about us and use it in the divorce. To be honest I think he's just using it as an excuse. Yeah..I need to finish it. When is the right time to introduce a new bloke..even as a friend?

MrsSportacus Thu 11-Sep-08 22:02:17

Looks like my problem may be solved. Since i told him i can't see him this weekend as i've got the kids fri, sat and sunday no contact. dick head.

mylittlesubatomicparticle Thu 11-Sep-08 22:08:44

Oh no, I'm sur for all it is right, it hurts.

They are out there, I seem to have accidentally met one! I am sure you can, I hope it is soon, as soon as you are ready, that is.

fancyflo Thu 11-Sep-08 22:13:19

his not really interested, move on

PurpleOne Fri 12-Sep-08 00:03:21

Men like this really make my blood boil. Who don't accept the package deal.

yet they knew all about them!

Gggggrrrrr angry

lou33 Fri 12-Sep-08 00:07:11

it's an excuse

give him his p45

Swedes Fri 12-Sep-08 00:16:31

I wouldn't write him off completely, yet. Has he peronally experienced divorce before (parents, himself, brother, sister etc)? Perhaps he has an insight into being a child in those circumstances and feels the commitment of meeting the children is a real biggie.

Swedes Fri 12-Sep-08 00:17:39

A real shit wouldn't resist meeting the children - he wouldn't care. Surely?

goodasgold Fri 12-Sep-08 00:20:45

Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

FAQ Fri 12-Sep-08 00:21:28

I had to hold my new DP back from meeting the kids (who incidentally noonki I met 2 months after my H moved out, 4 months after I knew for sure our marriage was over - and no it's not a "rebound" relationship)

thumbwitch Fri 12-Sep-08 00:24:27

wave him on his way - there are men out there who will be happy to accept your kids and not feck about. Waiting for the divorce to come through is just an excuse. If my sister's DP had waited for my sis's divorce to come through, they wouldn't now have 3 daughters. (her exH is reMARKably slack about the paperwork - did anyone realise that a decree nisi can run out???shock)

Swedes Fri 12-Sep-08 00:29:25

thumbwitch - a decree nisi doesn't run out. It just gets to the point where if the petitioner fails to apply for the absolute then the respondent gets the opporunity to apply for the absolute instead. If neither does it then either they don't want to be divorced or both are disorganised - which will result in them not getting divorced.

thumbwitch Fri 12-Sep-08 00:42:55

no, it did run out - my sister has to reapply for it with added fee. That's what she has told me.

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