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Just told Hubby it over,

(12 Posts)
needashouldertocryon Tue 09-Sep-08 22:29:29

I've just told DH that I love him, but I'm no longer in love with him, and my heart is breaking... I feel like shit... he is my best friend, but I feel he needs someone who will be in love with him and want to be intimate with him... I don't

he is understandably deverstated...

the man I married sort of dissapeared ages ago.. I see a glimps of him every now and then but this man is a stranger.. moody, short tempered, drinks too much..
he was quite when he came home from work and DD said, whats the matter with you, you usually moan when you get in.. which just about sums it up really..

anyone got any good advice for me....

he's just popped out for some fresh air.. so if Idon't reply its because he's back...

Anifrangapani Tue 09-Sep-08 22:31:26

None what so ever, but just wanted to let you know that I had read it. Much love and hugs xxx

ilovetochat Tue 09-Sep-08 22:31:39

no advice, except I think you have done the kindest thing as you are allowing both of you to move on and fall in love with someone else eventually. stay strong. smile

Yurtgirl Tue 09-Sep-08 22:37:17

My dh said almost exactly the same thing to me two years ago.
At the time I was devestated
Now in many ways I quite like this version of life, its not how I expected life to turn out but its ok - not as bad as I thought things would be

What I find hard is that dh and I are still really good friends - in fact I am his only friend, I of course have loads . The fact that we are still good friends is good and bad. Good for the kids

Bad because I end up wondering soooo often "Well if we get on this well why cant we just be husband and wife?"

Good luck with everything, I hope my perspective helps - I know a lot about how your dh feels right now

solidgoldbrass Tue 09-Sep-08 22:41:37

Well done: you have been brave even though it hurts. Sometimes a couple-relationship has just run its course and you will be much better off relating to one another as co-parents instead.

RambleOn Tue 09-Sep-08 22:52:39

This is really sad for all concerned. sad

It seems such a shame to end a relationship when you claim to be best friends. Have you considered counselling?

Someone once said something to me which I think is very apt:

You are never 'in love' with someone, just in love with the way they make you feel.

needashouldertocryon Tue 09-Sep-08 23:21:22

thank you so much for your kind words will be back tomorrow..

needashouldertocryon Wed 10-Sep-08 15:16:49

DH was devastated last night... I thought he would wake the kids up with his crying...
we fell asleep holding hands....
He had today off work, I went to work as usual... I needed to give him space... anyway he is in a much positive frame of mind today and says I am right and its for the best... he is still understandably upset.

I have told him he can stay here for as long as he needs... I am not kicking him out, this is afterall, his home.

Things will I'm sure get difficult as we have a joint account... can I claim family credit in my name even if he's living here?

He rang his parents and told them today, I have agreed to tell mine as well, but just don't know what to say.. the words 'we're seperating/splitting up' just won't come out.

again.. how do we tell the kids... if he's still here it will be like nothing has changed... he realises that he has been really moody, and drinking to much....

I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time I am really hurting..

needashouldertocryon Wed 10-Sep-08 20:21:03

just been to tell my parents... my father thought "I was doing the wrong thing.. being selfish... haven't thought it through"...
Really supportive.... not....

I still think that we have done the right thing and if we left it too long we would have ended up hating each other... this way, so far... we are really conciderate to each others needs and feelings....

RambleOn Wed 10-Sep-08 23:16:59

Yes, you can claim child tax credit as a single person even when still living together, provided you both agree on an official 'date of separation', and BOTH phone through with the same date. You will need to state that you are no longer living as a married couple.

I am currently in the same situ. I'm not sure if having a joint account will make any difference though. We have never operated joint finances. I would imagine that you will at least need your own, named account to make payments to.

Sorry, no experience of how to tell the kids. Mine are nearly 2, and am expecting DC2 in January - bit young to need telling!

Hopefully, your parents will be supportive once the shock wears off.

girlsnextdoor Wed 10-Sep-08 23:25:23

I really do fee for you as I feel the same about my DH but after 25 years- I have to say that imo, that "in love" feeling is a myth that doesn't last much beyond a couple of years- if you always go looking for that you will be disappointed.

Maybe what you mean is you no longer find him sexually attractive?

That is a very different thing from feeling " in love"- which is a romantic illusion in marriage.

I think there must be lots of stuff that you don't like about him, to break up.

Did you try counselling first- or try to get him to see what he would need to change?
I just hope you haven't split up too soon, but you know your heart best.

isitover Thu 11-Sep-08 08:24:30

You answered my thread, and I can see our situations are very similar...I do hope we can both find a way through this.
Good luck and best wishes x

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