DH has to go away to work for 6 weeks need advice(11 Posts)
Ok this might sound a little pathetic but my Dh has to go to Austaralia to work for 6 weeks next month, its all a bit sudden and he can't get out of it. I'm really down about it we runour own business so i'll be covering for him whilst he's away. More importantly i'm worried about how the dcs will take it dd is 3 and will just about understand but will be very sad, ds is just 1 and a totall daddies boy. My Dh and i usually split the child care 50;50 and the kids are very close to him.
What i'm wondering is how am i going to prepare the kids for this i feel like its really going to make them insecure, nevermind that i'm going to be an exhausted mess. We have no family close by to help out. Has anyone got any advice? When I told dd today that he was going away she got really sad and said but he never said goodbye i had to explain it wouldn't be for a while but she hasn't got much concept of time.
It doesn't sound pathetic - don't be hard on yourself. My husband goes away two or three times a year for 3/4/5 weeks at a time and it is hard work. I wouldn't worry too much about preparing the kids - they won't understand much anyway. I'd just be sure to cut them some slack if they are playing up while he's away.
My top tips are (1) stock up majorly before he goes so you are not running out to the shops in the evening with two kids if you run out of milk and (2) make use of all your good friends, especially those with kids of similar ages. I often go for supper + bath at friend's houses or have them round to mine. The kids love it and it so much easier with an extra pair of hands. And (3) don't forget to eat yourself. Buy plenty of chocolate...
A calendar with day boxes to cross off; buy or make one?
Get Daddy to leave a few letters (you could post them to DD in this country) to read to her - or it be things like her favourite magazine or some stickers or something; once a week so she's something to look forward to and knows she'll have 6 by the time daddy comes home?
Oh and I forgot the best tip of all: have you got Skype? It will be difficult with the time differences in Oz but it is amazing for the kids. And completely free.
Skype - take a laptop and webcam. Kids can see daddy face to face and give him their chat each day.
We've lived like this for 8 years with dh away for 6 weeks.
It's fine. A calndar works as does Skype. My kids are sad when he goes but they 6know^ he loves them and is coming back so that is all that matters.
1) focus on the positives... the bed to yourself, the remote control to yourself
2) plan plan plan ahead. MAke sure DH has done all the paperwork he needs to do; his car insurance etc (the last thing you need is to have to MOT the car or the like)
3) don't expect too much out of yourself; you will be exhausted during the first week (sorry) and if the kids do not get a bath or end up with scrambled eggs on toast for their tea, it is not the end of the world
4) get dh sorted... lots of photos of him and the dcs for the dcs to have by their bed, get him to buy them a little cuddly toy each that he has given a "magic hug" to and whenever they hug it, daddy is sending them a magic hug back
5) get the dcs to write / draw/ scribble some secret messages to squirrel away in dh's suitcase for him to find
6) get skype or webcam or the like for lots of phonecalls.
7) chocolate, chocolate, chocolate
Hello, just wanted to give you a hug - that sounds quite challenging running the business too. Here are two thoughts to be going on with:
1. my own dad used to have to work away from home a lot, sometimes months at a time and this was in the dark ages way before mobiles etc. As a LO, I don't remember this being a big deal, mainly because my parents were quite low key about it all. There was no big build up to either departure or return, so it didn't occur to me that this was anthing I should have big emotions about IYSWIM - it was all just very matter of fact. I remember having 'special time' with him when I got back - no treats as such (again I think that wd have sent out the wrong signal ie: that I needed to be compensated somehow). Rather it was me pottering round the garden with him for the day while he got on with digging the roses or whatever. (I thought this was because he had asked my mum to have me to himself whereas she was no doubt desperate for a bit of freedom ).
2. My DP has to work away a lot too. DS is only 24 weeks so it's not as major an issue yet. Last time we went with him, but there is a trip to India coming up which we can't go on for various reasons. So far I thought of doing Skype plus a webcam - I got one called logitech for £20 0r £30 - and thought it wd be nice for DS at least to see his dad every day. (They also have some very daft software which you can add to make it look like you're wearing a crown or whatever, which might amuse your DD).
Hope this helps a tiny bit - the main thing is not over explaining: I just thought it was perfectly normal and everyone's dad did this too.
Thank you so much for all the replies. I know other people have much bigger problems but we have never really been away from each other very long and never from the kids, we recently got married and decided not to go on honeymoon as we didn't want to be away from the kids(the fools). Then this came up, I suddenly feel all small, its a massive oppertunity for dh so i am doing my fake smile.
It doesn't help that we met in oz and are always talking about going back and now he'll be there without me. He is a proffessional sports person and is going in competition so he won't be having fun all the time but i hate the thought of all those groupies throwing themselves at him espescially if hes feeling lonely. I worry too much lol
Nell my kids frequently eat scrambled eggs for tea and go without baths so it will be nothing new lol. Thanks again for all the tips, We have skype already and dh loves the letters idea, keep them coming.
Shooflypie my dad used to be away alot too and it was never much of a big deal either but he was never around much during the day as he worked long hours, i do remember great pressies when he got back though. My ds1 is going to be so sad bless him and there no way i can explain he will be back
Oh god he's nobody you'd know trust me. He's not even famous but hes going out to play in the rugby league world cup lol. We were at the last one and the local girls were falling over themselves to shag a player.
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