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dont like partner after giving birth-is this normal?

(7 Posts)
libbadee Tue 22-Feb-05 22:04:23

Do some women go off their partners after having a baby.

I have a 5.5 month old dd and I dont like my partner much anymore. I dont mean just sexually, I mean everything he does annoys me, I,m really disapointed in how hes been since the baby has come along and everything he does is just wrong.

Also I cant work out if its just me being a miserable cow or if he is actually as useless as i'm imagining.

Weve always had our rocky times but I've always loved him but now I just feel nothing just annoyed and irratated. I'm hoping this is some kind of post natal phase.

Havent spoke to him about this because if I did it would just be me saying "I,m fed up with you doing this - I,m fed up with you doing that - I dont like the way you do the other and so on and on and on. At the moment i'm just trying not to have a go at him all the time and hoping this passes.

Sorry its a bit long but does anyone know if this is normal.

milward Tue 22-Feb-05 22:06:03

Libbadee does he help with looking after dd? does he do much to help around the house?

pixiefish Tue 22-Feb-05 22:08:28

libbadee- don't worry- i felt like this after a while- thought he wasn't doing enough etc. dd is a year old now and things slowly getting back to normal- she's older so he's able to do more plus i realise that he became the 'hunter gatherer' when we had dd and went out ot work 18 hour days- that was his way of being a good parent (although i couldn't see it like that)

libbadee Tue 22-Feb-05 22:17:01

He doesnt help around the house but he does his own cooking and I quite like housework. Maybe I could do with a bit of help or at least less mess now we have the baby.

As for the baby he does one feed the 11pm one and he'll play with her for about 10 minutes before he goes to work. He works 1300 to 2200 shift and stays in bed til gone 1100 most mornings. At the weekends if I ask he will take over with her for a couple of hours so I can get on with things but then he'll pass out on the sofa for hours.

He really loves her but in a kind of "isnt she beautiful - i'm going out to tell my mates about her" kind of way. He shows me no affection at all. In the past it was always me who made the effort and now i'm not doing that we're like flat mates.

milward Tue 22-Feb-05 22:23:16

Life is tough with a baby - it can be such hard work that other things are forgotten just because too tired, too busy. He sounds really proud of his dd - this is also be a reflection of you as a great mum as well Perhaps he just needs a boot up the backside so to speak to get him back to being nice to you - to notice you again. Good luck with this xxx

Caligula Tue 22-Feb-05 22:24:55

Not very helpful, but my immediate thought on seeing the title of this thread was "not that keen on him before giving birth for that matter"

Levity aside, I think if his level of involvement is so low, it's not really surprising that you don't really like him very much.

What says it all for me, is that you say he doesn't "help" very much about the house. Help who? Doesn't he live there too? Why is his role a helping one, rather than an equal one? And the "isn't she beautiful, must go and tell my mates about her" is also a symptom of differing expectations. It sounds like you're expecting him to be a fully hands on Dad, and he thinks he is one because he bounces his DD up and down on his knee for 10 minutes a day.

Sounds like you need to sit down and talk about what you both expect from parenthood - how much involvement will be acceptable to you both.

Perfectly normal what you're going through, but advisable to sort it out now, before habits become unchangeable.

Good luck!

libbadee Wed 23-Feb-05 19:25:26

Thanks for your thoughts people. I'm going back to work part time soon so I am gonna use this as a chance to lay a whole new set of ground rules. He really will need to help more. Also if he has some time alone with dd he will see for himself what is involved.

I was thinking of putting off going back to work as long as possible but after having a good think today I have decided that I am gonna start looking for something now. I'm sure it will do me some good as well.

Still not sure how to fix whatever is wrong with "us" I feel like I have lost him along the way somehow. He used to be my best friend now he just does my head in. I strongly feel that he needs to go back to basics and woo me again but I think that I cannot tell him this, he needs to see it himself. Sadly though I dont think he even realises there is anything wrong. Obviously I need to give him a good talking to but I am waiting for a good day so I dont throw everything I have at him (verbally). I think there are so many little things that have built up and up and I have a tendency to never forget and only partly forgive but then surely he needs to earn forgiveness. I just dont know where to start.

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