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I have done something I never thought I'd do...given up friends and family for a man

(17 Posts)
wheredidsummergo Sun 07-Sep-08 22:07:21

To cut a long story short, I have been dating a man for around 6 months. I love him to bits, he treats me like no man has ever done...with kindness, respect and genuine affection. He's great with my kids, he makes me laugh, we love spending time together...oh yes, and he also happens to be mixed race.

Now I wouldn't have even thought to mention this in a description of him but its relevant to this thread because I seem to be losing friends and family for this very, stupid reason.

My mum hasn't actually come out and said it but I hear the disaproval in her voice. My grandad said to me "I don't get it, out of all the men out there, you go for someone...like that". I said "like what?" and he said "you know...a darkie" angry

My grandmother has said (behind my back) "what if they have kids? it will be 'coloured' ... "

I've also been told that I'm risking my kids being picked on because mum is going out with a black man.

And now my best friend has started, I heard she was taking the piss out of us to another mum in the playground. She asks what "family think of it all" ... as if he's some bloody freak that everyone should be wary of.

I'm sick to death of it all and after a row with my grandad today I told him that I don't want to hear from anyone that has a problem with my partner. I then got the old "dropping family for some bloke??" but surely this is different than just putting a new relationship before family?

I have also decided to knock my so called "friendship" on the head.

Now everyone tell me I'm stupid or does anyone understand how I feel? I feel so sad and angry at the same time.

Quattrocento Sun 07-Sep-08 22:08:47

You are very brave and good luck to you. xx

SlartyBartFast Sun 07-Sep-08 22:10:24

crazy friend you have.

Kewcumber Sun 07-Sep-08 22:10:35

I would feel the same though might possibly cut my grndparents a littel slack becasue another time another place blah blah.

I would just say that you've heard all the snide comments you want to hear for the rest of your life and you will only see them if they can either cahnge their opinions or keep them to themselves.

They are choosing a prejudice instead of a family member rather than you choosing a man instead of them.

sandyballs Sun 07-Sep-08 22:11:06

shock I read the title thinking oh you silly thing, never drop your mates and your family for a fella, but after reading your post I think you should. Outrageous that your family and friends should behave like this just because he is mixed race.

hester Sun 07-Sep-08 22:11:42

I'm so very sorry to hear this. Also shocked that they still think it's ok to talk like this. I'm white and dp is black, and nobody has ever said a word...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Stay strong.

Twelvelegs Sun 07-Sep-08 22:12:02

How old is your GP? Mine were in their 70s and very old fashioned and so when I dated an Egyptian I found it endearing and funny (although they were more worried than disaproving). However this is alarming that such things still happen in 2008 and I wish you and your partner all the best.

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor Sun 07-Sep-08 22:12:08

Good luck. If your grandparents are racist, they are probably other things too. So you probably would have upset them some other way.

Just hope that they see how wrong they were, and hope that they live long enough to realise they were wrong and stupid.

I hope you are not losing friends your own age though shock

JodieG1 Sun 07-Sep-08 22:12:36

I would forget about any friends or family that were so bigoted actually. Far better off without people like that in your life. Life's far too short to waste time and emotions on things like that.

sandyballs Sun 07-Sep-08 22:14:06

Where do you live? I can't imagine friends doing this where I live but i can imagine the older generation doing it.

JodieG1 Sun 07-Sep-08 22:16:22

I don't think age has anything to do with it either. My grandad is about 75, used to be an east london docker and although he can be a little politically incorrect about some things he isn't rascist. I think rascism is about the person and not their age.

On the other hand, my ex husband's (we're separated) parents are very rascist and are only in their mid 50's. Daily Mail readers too hmm.

piratecat Sun 07-Sep-08 22:16:39

my gp's had a bit of a shock and weren't that keen when i said i was marrying a german man, despite the fact his poor bloody parents weren't even ALIVE when the war happened.

Martha200 Sun 07-Sep-08 22:49:49

This makes me sad too to hear, you'd think people would be happy when someone makes you so happy!

Daft is the politest word I can think of to describe their thoughts, go enjoy your relationship, you have nothing to apologise of feel bad about, it should be them.

LyraSilvertongue Sun 07-Sep-08 22:53:53

No way should you have to drop this lovely new man just because your family have bigoted views.
Give them time to 'come round' to the idea and if they don't try not to have anything to do with them.
Would they be happier if you were with a man who treated you badly, as long as he was white? If so then they're not worth the effort.

LyraSilvertongue Sun 07-Sep-08 22:57:18

Do you live in a very white area? I can't see anyone batting an eyelid to a relationship like yours where I live.

Blu Sun 07-Sep-08 23:07:10

Didn't you know they were racist like this before?

Lucky you found out, really. I wouldn't want friends like that whetehr it was relevant to my immediate personal circumstances or not.

And I agree with Jodie about age being no damn excuse (not that the OP said it was). My parents are in their 70s - and even my gps weren't racist like that. Racism comes out of nasty minds.

AbricotsSecs Sun 07-Sep-08 23:49:44

Message withdrawn

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