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so fed up!

(11 Posts)
BetterThanThis2 Sun 07-Sep-08 12:01:50

It's sad. My husband is hugely successful in his career and i have utmost respect for that. but at home he's like Homer Simpson! he's forgetful, inpractical, lazy, inconsiderate and oblivious. It's like there's a quata for practicality and conscientiousness and he uses it all up at work. At home he's tedious moron!
if he makes a cup of tea, he'll leave the counter wet with tea, the floor wet with boiled water, will have used half a dozen kitchen utensils and for what?? a bleeedin' cup of tea! so don't get me started on nappy changes (soiled diaper left on the change table), scissors left out for the baby to nibble...

he's stressed at work and comes home leaving a trail of distruction around the freshly cleaned house. It's like i have two babies to care for not one! he's a grown man! obviously capable - yet not when it comes to me and the house! I'm starting to hate him!
I'm depressed. crying and half drunk at 11:30 in the morning!

please - any suggestions??

RubySlippers Sun 07-Sep-08 12:05:04

stop drinking for a start - it won't make you feel any better smile

has he always been like this?

have you talked to him about his stress at work and your depression?

you need a rational, sit down chat and talk calmly

being at work all day is not an excuse to do nothing at home

BetterThanThis2 Sun 07-Sep-08 12:18:18

he seems to think that pressure at work is a brilliant excuse to not do anything at home. and it's not like i'm asking for much - that that he pick up after himself (ie - dishes, clotes, scissors!!). We can't rally chat about it rationally. we agreed that I would tell him when things were winding me up, so that he could fix them. but every time i meniton anything, a blank wall is brought down. he rolls his eyes and doesn't want to hear me. i undrstand he's stressed - but god damned, so am I!!

he's intimated that I'M lazy bc the house isn't is tidy as it could be. but HE'S the one making most of the mess!! I've just been crying on the lounge-room floor since my last post and I'll not drink again as the baby will be up in an hour. but i feel so alone. i wish i could leave.

RubySlippers Sun 07-Sep-08 12:20:54

you need some RL support

do you have friends or family near?

pressure at work is often used as an excuse but it shouldn't be

if you can't communicate then you need help - RELATE or soemthing similar

how long have you been together?

where is your DH now? has he seen you crying?

i feel for you - of course you feel you want to leave if you feel unsuported and alone

call your HV and GP tomorrow

BetterThanThis2 Sun 07-Sep-08 12:30:25

thank you. you're making me feel like I'm not THAT pathetic. that there's something geniunely wrong.

we've been together for 13 years. we were childhood sweethearts. we've been togherer for so long. it's not like we met and had a child in the last April shower. we've been toghether for years and always done our best. but i can't stop crying (or drinking - or wanting to drink). i'm so sad. and so alone.

RubySlippers Sun 07-Sep-08 18:48:06

sorry - have been out all day ...

how are you?

BetterThanThis2 Sun 07-Sep-08 19:35:10

feeling better now.
i was pretty drunk earlier. it was scary. it was the only time i've ever done that while caring for baby, and i don't want a repeat performance. had a massive fight with husband earlier and i feel better for clearing the air somewhat. it really doesn't fix the fundamental problems, and i don't know how to solve them. I suggested counselling and he's up for it.

i probably sound like i'm making mountains out of molehills. generally i'm very level headed. but it's just all been piling up lately. I never realised how much I mothered my husband until we had a baby. now i just don't have the energy or inclination to mother my husbsand. he should be mature enough not to need that for god's sake!

thanks for getting back to me.

chocolatemummy Sun 07-Sep-08 19:41:53

glad to hear you have sorted some stuff out in your head. Def dont turn to drink, have you got friends/family around you?
It is really hard looking after a baby and I know what you mean about feeling like you have 2 babies becuase your partner behaves like one too. I do unfortunaley think a bit of this is just men, they do seem to leave a trail of mess behind them and have usually had mothers to clean it up after them but that doesnt mean its okay,m niether does the fact that he has been to work all day mean he is excempt from housework

RubySlippers Mon 08-Sep-08 10:56:00

well done - counselling will be a huge step forward

hope today is ok smile

slug Mon 08-Sep-08 16:13:26

Counselling is probably a good idea. In the meantime:

Change child on your bed and leave the dirty nappy on his pillow
Make a cup of tea, tip some of it over his work/precious things and 'forget' to clean it up.
'Forget' to wash his clothes as well as yours.
Use up all the soap/shampoo/towells and don't replace them.

He may get the hint eventually. I once resorted to leaving all the dirty dishes under the duvet on his side of the bed and went away for a weekend. The point was taken eventually.

JacobsPrincess Mon 08-Sep-08 16:19:32

Nice on Slug, I wonder if the "dirty dishes under duvet" trick will work on my DH.
Whenever I actually get him to wash up, he only ever does plates and cutlery (badly). He thinks the Dish-Wash Fairy and her little friends wash the glasses and pans...
BTT2 - you need to take some time for yourself, and to make your DH realise that looking after baby and house is a full time job too. I'm sure counselling will help.

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