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Anything your parents have let slip now you are an adult that you were oblivious to as a child?

(317 Posts)
twentypence Sat 06-Sep-08 10:39:08

My dad said on the phone "oh, there's that mountain we climbed on the telly. You remember when I took you and your brother away for a holiday and mum stayed at home."

I didn't catch all of what mum said - but it was something to the effect that she wasn't best pleased to be reminded of the time they split up.

I had no idea - I just thought dad got more leave.

edam Sun 07-Sep-08 12:26:04

Showofhands, that's an amazing story. Your dad is clearly top-notch.

I didn't know my mother was adopted, but then neither did she - only came out when she lost her (short) birth certificate and had to apply for a new one. At the age of 45. Her parents had both been dead for more than 20 years so it was a massive shock.

She never told me that her mother had severe depression after caring for her elderly mother and was sectioned. I found out from my sister after I'd left home. She'd told us lots of stories about her family and childhood but they were all happy stories. sad

wilbur Sun 07-Sep-08 12:33:52

Found out 2 things 35:

1. That neither of my parents had attended my starring moment in nursery Nativity play (Angel Gabriel) and that the photo of me in full angel garb that was on our mantlepiece forever was, in fact, taken by a friend of my Mum's.

2. That my father had a daughter just after he left University but lost touch with her mother. I have now met her, she's lovely.

Funnily enough, I was far more upset about the
Nativity play than the half-sister.

DaisySteiner Sun 07-Sep-08 12:35:16

Found out at my grandfather's funeral that half of his brothers and sisters (of which there were 13!) had a different father. My great-grandparents stayed married but she had a bunch of children by a different man shock

Also realised that my great-aunt (through my grandmother) had previously been married to my grandfather's brother - ie two brothers had married two sisters. So my dad's cousins are cousins on both his mother's and father's side. Good job he didn't want to marry one of them as I suppose genetically they're more like siblings than cousins.

dragonstitcher Sun 07-Sep-08 16:04:06

Edam, My Dad found out he was adopted at about the same age. His sister (also adopted) told him after both my grandparents had passed. An auntie (of which we had no knowledge of) told her that they were both adopted when she was a girl and he a baby and she was sworn to secrecy.

priceyp Sun 07-Sep-08 16:36:52

One of my earliest memories is running next door to our neighbours to ring an ambulance for my mother who had collapsed unconscious in our hallway.

I was told (and believed) that I was about 2 and it was because of complications with her pregnancy (my unborn sister). But now that I am older and have 2 DCs myself, I realised that it might not have been possible for a two year old to be that coherant.
I never brought it up with her, but she recently told me that she had had several miscarriages after my sister, but never told us sad. So I was about 4 and my little sis was 2.

sagacious Sun 07-Sep-08 16:58:27

That wife swapping and witchcraft were so prevalent in there sleepy little village idyll.

slug Sun 07-Sep-08 17:09:12

Showofhands, my dad did that too. He would work a full day then do an evening shift at the local car factory. That was how he saved up enough for the deposit on our house. I found out i had a half sister when I was in my late 20s. Turned out that not only did my mother have a child before marriage, her younger sister did too.

Twims Sun 07-Sep-08 23:36:44

Any more skeletons in the closet grin

BellaDonna79 Mon 08-Sep-08 00:17:17

my cousins found out they had a half brother when they went to the solicitors after their dad died, at first they couldn't understand why it was a 5 way split not 4, then a teenage boy turned up... What I think is really sad though is that my great grandfather got his fiance's little sister pregnant (in his diary he maintained she was the love of his life) so the 3 of them moved away but then he had to serve in the war and she went to university so my 'great granny' had to raise her husband and sisters lovechild alone, she then treated my granny pretty dreadfully. It only came to light when the younger sister got demensia over a decade after my great grandparents died.

IndigoMoon Mon 08-Sep-08 00:31:49

my dads brother is more than likely a half brother cos my nan was having an affair. the stories that came out and my mom was suprised i did not know!!!

aobut my mom and dad not so much to be fair apart from she cried solidly for a week when i left home!

MrsJohnCusack Mon 08-Sep-08 01:34:07

I didn't realise for ages that my mother was pregnant with my brother when they got married - quite the scandal in NZ in 1961

I did know that my aunt (mother's sister) killed herself (in adulthood) but didn't know until fairly recently that she accused their brother (who I was always aware was 'odd' and died a long time ago) of abusing her when they were younger. My mother isn't convinced of the truth in this but then also blames herself as she was supposed to be looking after her younger sister. The brother was certainly an alcoholic, and sounds to me very much as though he had some sort of personality disorder or undiagnosed special needs of some kind which wouldn't have been dealt with in those days. The sister was what would now be called bipolar and I don't think it was ever that well treated.

it's all very buried, and confused, and hidden. We'll never know the truth but it's always astonishing to find out such things in the family you assume you know so well!

EisAHandbagaHolic Mon 08-Sep-08 03:21:28

i found out that my mother had tried, to the point of totally embarrassing herself, to fight my auntie for her son who she was giving up for adoption. my auntie was adamant that he went to a good and loving family (this was not always the case with my ownhmm) and the social worker i remember visiting deemed our living situation unsuitable and suggested my mother attempt to help her own children before trying to gain other peoplesshock
my mother also told me i was the product of a split condom when my older sister was around 6 weeks oldshock this was in a speech to 'deter' me from having unprotected sex at around 17 years oldshock apparantly im what happens if you arent careful enoughhmm such a self esteem boost i can tell youhmm
xx ei xx

cyteen Mon 08-Sep-08 05:23:24

for years i never questioned why my second youngest aunt was mum to the oldest of the cousins, till my dad mentioned that she got knocked up at 16, to the eternal embarrassment of my very straightlaced grandad.

eandh Mon 08-Sep-08 05:42:21

There is some huge scandal involving DH paternal grandparents but nobody has told me what (SIL said she'll tell me when noone is around but theres never an opportunity) I think it may be that she was pg before they got married as when they had their diamond wedding anniversary I asked for a pic of them on their wedding day (to put in local paper) and was told I couldnt because it would cause trouble (put a pic of them at our wedding instead)

Now I am thinking that she was 4 months pg and they gotr married in November and DH auntie is the eldest and her birthday is APril

Also found out my Grandad was adopted after his parents died in an accident and that his adoptive parents lived in the house next door to where my Nan lived so they knew each other from when my Nan was 2 (my Nans mum used to feel sorry for my Grandad as adoptive parents werent very nice so used to give him extra food etc)

Flamesparrow Mon 08-Sep-08 08:13:40

I thought my dad "just" had one affair.

Apparently I was wrong

Portofino Mon 08-Sep-08 08:36:52

I was about 18 when I discovered that my Grandmother had been married before and that my eldest aunt wasn't my Grandad's. Apparenly my Grandad's sister married, had 2 dcs then died. My Nan married the widowed husband and had one dd. Then he died. Story has it that my Grandad stepped up to the plate and took them on. Whether it was love, or pressure from the family no one is telling.

filthymindedvixen Mon 08-Sep-08 08:51:21

my poor mum used to send her neice a birthday present in August for 20 years until one day, the neice rang her and said :''Auntie, thank you for the presents, really lovely, but I don't understand why you always send them in August. My birthday is in May...''
My mum's own sister had lied to her for years to cover the fact the baby had been concieved out of wedlock....

Twims Mon 08-Sep-08 22:31:18

Gosh theres lots of skeletons out there

spamm Tue 09-Sep-08 10:11:03

I found out a few years ago that my great aunt was allegedly killed in her house about 30/40 years ago by a young man who was mentally disturbed. He was released from prison after many years, and it was reported as a miscarriage of justice.

My Mom saw it on tv when she was visiting and told me - I had never heard about it before in the family, but then my grandparents were very strict about things like that, and never discussed things that were not "proper".

suwoo Tue 09-Sep-08 10:26:13

My DH's mum was pregnant when she married his dad, not sure of the dates but she was quite far gone as showing a lot. They added a year on to the number of years they had been married, but somehow mis-calculated/forgot one year and it all came out when DH was was about 20 and his older sister (the baby in question) was 26ish.

I recently found my nans stash of birth certificates and was looking through them with her. My nans gran, had a baby at 16 (my nans mum)and the father was unknown. That always makes me feel sad. Also the baby was called Hannah and my nan reckoned she didn't know that was her mums name and thought it was Annie. This was in the 1800's as my nan is 82.

Pinkglow Tue 09-Sep-08 10:44:30

My grans sister was not her real sister. Turns out they knew a family in liverpool and the mother died in childbirth. When my grans mum went to visit the father and baby a couple of months later she found the baby very negected and the father a complete mess. They then both decided that it would be best if my grans family brought up the child. It was all very open though and the child and my gran knew from about 10 years old.

Also my father was in prision for about 6 months when I was about 2 - my siblings still dont know this.

My mum had an abortion before she met my father (she was engaged to someone else who left her the moment he found out she was pregnant) Again my siblings dont know this (honestly being the oldest is a burden somethings)

All very sad

suwoo Tue 09-Sep-08 14:01:48

Bumping as this has been really interesting.

Portofino Tue 09-Sep-08 14:28:30

My nan's mother had a number of children before she married my nan's dad. These were farmed out to other families. She then went on to have my nan and 3 more boys and subsequently died. My nan was taken in by her aunt, but the 3 boys were all put in a home by their father. It's so sad really!

My nan has never discussed any of this, but I've had snippets from other family members, and have actually only put the whole picture together by contact with some these long lost relatives and their children through Genes Reunited. One of the farmed out ones had been searching for years for his proper family. He was desperate for info on what had happened - but my nan is not talking and does not want any contact with him. It's such a shame.

MarlaSinger Tue 09-Sep-08 14:34:43

Loads, not sure I can post as some of it is a bit identifiable.

None of it good I'm afraid.

Ok, this one: when my parents divorced (I was very young) my dad met someone else and remarried.

They were 'trying' for a baby for years until a friend of my dad's let slip that he'd had a vasectomy.

BlingLovin Tue 09-Sep-08 14:43:22

My best one is about my "gran" - sorry about the detail, it's relevant...

She wasn't really my gran, but the closest thing I had as my real grandparents all died before I was born. She used to come and stay with our family quite often as she lived in a smaller town about 45 minutes away - so she'd come and do some shopping and get her hair done and have supper with us and stay over. She slept in guest quarters "outside" - outside in that it was two rooms and a bathroom in a little suite accessed via an internal courtyard which had doors onto the house and a staircase onto the driveway. We loved her.

Her husband passed away and years later she started seeing a man who it turned out she'd originally fallen in love with when she was very young but who her parents wouldn't let her marry because her family were relatively wealthy and he was poor and was still making his fortune. I always thought it was wonderful that they got together later in life and had a good 10 years or so before he also passed away.

Turns out... they didn't remeet after her husband died, but a few years before. She used to come to our house and then when she went to bed, he would join her via the outside stairs - ie he could acces her room without coming through the house!!! My parents allowed this for years!

[there is some hint that her husband was at least partly aware of this, but that bit is unclear].

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