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PND:I keep thinking suicide is the only way out and I keep cutting myself. Don't know where to put this.

(17 Posts)
DGirl Thu 04-Sep-08 14:36:44

I think suicide is selfish and nasty but I can't see a way out. I don't actually WANT to commit suicide, and I won't, just to claify. But I just cannot see what to do.

I work and DP works so we're not entitled to benefits, but we owe out so much between rent, council tax, credit cards, debts that have probably got CCJs now that we can't cope. I don't know what to do.

I got PND and went on prozac but it just seems to be getting worse and worse and I'm not coping.

Love the baby like mad and have a fabulous DP who is very supportive.

But it's me. We're not coping and I'm a failure because I'm not bringing in enough money and my heart is beating really fast all the time.

I can hear blood pulsing in my ears.

And I've cut my arm today as it's th only thing that makes me feel any better. I just needed to get it out really before I destroy my relationship and my own mind.

I'm on the waiting list for counselling but that could be ages off.

Bobbiewickham Thu 04-Sep-08 14:38:38

You are not a failure.

You must speak to your HV and your GP asap.

Is anyone with you at the moment?

Hassled Thu 04-Sep-08 14:40:43

Please go back to your doctor. You don't have to be feeling like this - prozac doesn't suit everyone but there are many many alternatives. Be honest about how you're feeling, and you'll get the best response. And then talk to the CAB re your debts - they can and will help to make it all seem more manageable.

DGirl Thu 04-Sep-08 14:41:09

No, not at the moment. And I have to go and do a presentation tonight and I can't stand seeing anyone face to face at the moment so I feel really overwhelmed like I can't breathe.

Got loads of bank charges through this morning because I forgot to transfer money. My DP had already gone out and I can't stop freaking out. He's sending me all these lovely txts not knowing that I'm going loopy sad

DGirl Thu 04-Sep-08 14:41:51

sorry cross posted.

Bobbiewickham Thu 04-Sep-08 14:46:20

You need to sit down and take some deep breaths.

Phone your husband and tell him how you are feeling.

Phone the gp and make an appointment. Tell him everything. He will change your meds.

You cannot shoulder everything on your own.

Can you get out of working tonight? You sound to me as though you should be signed off for a while.

Bobbiewickham Thu 04-Sep-08 14:47:24

I'm going to have to go and get my kids now, so will have to go.

I'm sure lots of the lovely women on here will be along to offer you advice.

Take care and get some help - you are shouldering too much.

Notquitegrownup Thu 04-Sep-08 14:50:39

Echoing Hassled's excellent advice.

Do go back to your doctor and tell her/him that the prozac isn't working. If you can, phone up and book the appointments today. You may have to wait awhile to see them, but by achieving the phone call you will have taken the first steps in moving away from where you are now.

CAB will help you to sort your finances too.

I have been where you are, felt as you do, and I promise that you won't always feel like this. It is horrible now, but it will get better.

Apollinare Thu 04-Sep-08 15:09:22

DGirl - can you phone the Samaritans and talk to somebody? Their number is 08457 90 90 90.

DGirl Thu 04-Sep-08 16:25:30

What do the Samaritans do? I've never heard of them. I'll try calling though. I'm at my wits end.

mum2samandalex Thu 04-Sep-08 17:16:12

are you ok Dgirl? Please please speak to your doctor about this.

TheCrackFox Thu 04-Sep-08 17:43:32

I had terrible PND with DS1 and I know how you feel. I had suicidal thoughts and you must make an appointment ASAP to see your GP. You sound like you are on the wrong medication.

Please phone Samaritans as they will really help.

When I look back at that terrible time I can't even believe that it was me. I honestly thought everyone would be better off without me. I slowly got better and you will too.

You are not a failure, you are trying your best for your baby and DH. Perhaps your DH could contact CAB and get some help with your debts.

AuntieMaggie Thu 04-Sep-08 17:56:14

Please call GP.

Committing suicide won't help finances in fact it will probably make things worse for your DP in that respect as well as breaking his heart and your childrens.

Take it from someone who knows - suicide doesn't make things better for anyone.

I hope you get the help and support you need.

x

georgiemum Thu 04-Sep-08 18:12:46

OK.Cutting is a physical outlet for mental pain. It is more common than you think.

1. You are not a failure, nonono.
2. Call GP, make an appointment. The medication is not working.
3. Get some help to look after little one for a while.
4. Tell your other half what is happening.
5. Sit down and work out the finances - calmly, logically and together. Bringing in or not bringing in money does not make you a failure or a success.
6. Contact those you owe money to - try to agree payment terms. Even a little a month shows that you are willing to pay and they will be likely to agree terms with you.
7. Can you speak to your employer? Can they reduce the workload? The last thing they need is a lawsuit.
8. It may sound dumb but do some exercise - the endorphins released really do work to make you calmer and happier.
9. Nag the bank about the charges. Sometimes they do act human when you have made a genuine mistake.

I don't know anyone who hasn't been through truly crappy times but it will get better (I promise).

Janni Thu 04-Sep-08 18:16:46

Good advice already given. Try not to think about drastic solutions. Break everything down into small steps and do anything you can to reduce the stress that you are under.

Do anything you can to get more help and support. You will come through this. Keep posting.

Apollinare Thu 04-Sep-08 19:17:07

The Samaritans are a long established group, now nationwide, who will talk to you and listen to you either over the phone or face to face,in a totally non judgemental and confidential way. They especially are there to help those who are on the edge - suicidal, despairing and don't know where to turn. You probably know somebody who works as a Samaritan, but they are not encouraged to even discuss their involvement. Hope this helps.

Weegiemum Fri 05-Sep-08 00:58:51

DGirl.

I couldn't let this pass, though I probably can't help much either.

I had serious PND after the birth of all 3 kids, especially d2 (dc3).

I tried to kill myself 3 times.

I am now very glad that I didn't. But at the time I remember waking up and thinking "shit, I'm still here". I did try hard - each time with hospitalisation for a good length of time.

You need to go adn see your GP and be honest about how you feel - even exaggerate - to get help. Or just turn up at A&E and explain.

The best help I got was a Community Psychiatric Nurse, who was just amazing. I knew there was someone coming in that I was accountable to. I also managed to get rid of all the other visitors I didn't get on with - like my bloody HV who I hated.

the Samaritans are a really good idea - I used their services a few times and they were great.

Now I am fine - off all medication and dd2 has just started school. It has been hard, but I cried on her first day because I was so glad still to be here to see it. I know that sounds far, far away for you, but it is true.

Keep talking, and let us know how you are.

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