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how do i get dp to help out?

(8 Posts)
jen93 Mon 21-Feb-05 12:24:13

i find it hard to manage as i do everything when it comes to looking after dd, dp does work full time but hardly ever helps me with dd. he will not look after dd so that i can have a break he doesn't ever want to be left on his own with her. i have dropped hints but he doesn't seem to get the message. does anyone else have this problem? any advice?

vict17 Mon 21-Feb-05 12:27:08

I think you have to sit him down, explain how you feel and tell him this behaviour isn't on. My dh isn't always keen to help out but he does because he loves and respects me and knows that I need a break when he gets in from work. In return I let him do his own thing once ds is in bed, and sometimes at the weekends. It's all about give and take.

Newbarnsleygirl Mon 21-Feb-05 12:30:23

I don't think hints work I'm afraid.

A good talking to worked for me. I laid it on a bit thick and eventually he took notice and started to help out more.

nnosam Mon 21-Feb-05 12:34:39

hi jen93
i have the same problem with my dh, so i can really understand how you feel.
i have a feeling that the only way men will ever understand what its like to be a full time mum/housewife/partner, is for us sahm's to go away for the weekend.
i wish i could say the answerr to this problems is......
however i cant, so lots of Sympathy and if you find out how to change them let me know..

pipsy1 Wed 23-Feb-05 08:46:59

Mine is exactly the same and DD is now 18months. He doesn't like looking after her on his own so I never really get a break. Is always too tired to help in the evenings (like I'm not!) and weekends is still me looking after her, but he might come too if we go for a walk or something. Never feeds, baths, takes her out on his own. Have come to the conclusion that he's not going to change, I have to like it ir lump it. Puts me off having another though as I don't think I'd cope. A weekend away nnosam??? In my dreams!!

NotQuiteCockney Wed 23-Feb-05 10:09:15

As kids get bigger, they get more enjoyable, at least in my experience, and easier for someone other than their primary carer (normally mum, but not always) to mind for a bit.

I'd be inclined to find something you have to do some weekend or evening and leave him to it. Once he learns what it's like, coping on his own, he'll hopefully be more appreciative and helpful.

The other option is to send them out to the park, when the weather is better, or some other fun outing. Get him to start enjoying her!

Bugsy2 Wed 23-Feb-05 14:45:25

I think you need to have some very pressing appointment on a Saturday that means you cannot possibly take your dp with you. Ensure that you only have to leave them for a short period of time & then lay it on thick when you get back about what a great job he did (regardless of whether he did or not) and make him think he is King of the Daddies. Then start to have some more pressing things you have to do in early evenings or on the weekend, until he gets used to idea of spending time on own with dd. I think words are pretty much a waste of time as men perceive this as nagging & seem to switch off. However, that is only my opinion - others do have more success with laying down the law.

Bugsy2 Wed 23-Feb-05 14:46:08

cannot possibly take your dd with you!!!!!!

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