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I'd like dc3, dh is not so sure. Is it morally wrong to fail to remind him to use a condom?

(34 Posts)
laughorcry Wed 03-Sep-08 12:48:39

We've got two dcs - aged 3 and 1. I'd like another, but dh is not sure.

For the moment we are back to relying on condoms and as a general rule if I don't remind him, dh is inclined to get carried away and forget about the need for them.

Would it be morally wrong to let him forget? Would I regret it if I got preg and he wasn't happy?

Goober Wed 03-Sep-08 12:53:06

Surely it would be his own silly fault if he "Forgot" to put one on? You can't be blamed if you get carried away too. wink
Good luck.

Tutter Wed 03-Sep-08 12:53:36



pagwatch Wed 03-Sep-08 12:53:48

is he a bit dim or is he 16 grin.
he doesn't want a baby but has to be told that he needs to put a condom on?
I think this is a variation on Darwin - where he is too dippy to avoid extenction of his line.

I think he would be a bit hmm to be cross if you get pregnant because you have to organise the contraception that only he wants.

TattooedGrrrl Wed 03-Sep-08 12:54:22

he is a grown up, and has to take part of the responsibilty for it. But if you are conscious that he's forgotten and don't say anything, i don't think it's totally right.

we're talking about the possibility of a new life here, so i really think honesty is called for.

FluffyMummy123 Wed 03-Sep-08 12:56:57

Message withdrawn

scorpio1 Wed 03-Sep-08 12:58:20

if he is saying he doesn't want one, then you 'forgetting' to remind him about a condom is wrong IMO

Fimbo Wed 03-Sep-08 12:59:25

We both forgot about a condom, once = ds

Cappuccino Wed 03-Sep-08 12:59:55

only if you tell him first

"look I'm not going to remind you so it's up to you"

good grief fancy forgetting you could impregnate your wife via unprotected sex. Is he particularly dim?

Cappuccino Wed 03-Sep-08 13:00:46

I honestly don't get how you can 'forget'


everyone must get a lot more carried away than I do [anal]

FluffyMummy123 Wed 03-Sep-08 13:01:37

Message withdrawn

Fimbo Wed 03-Sep-08 13:02:46

Forgot is probably the wrong word. Dh mentioned it and I said it would probably be ok, he didn't disagree and we ahem carried on.

Obviously I was wrong, very very wrong. blush

lulumama Wed 03-Sep-08 13:03:36

far better to have a rational talk about things rather than taking advantage of his inability t o remember contraception

how would you feel if you got pregnant this way?pleased with yourself , or a tiny bit ashamed? so, yes and yes to both your questions

muggglewump Wed 03-Sep-08 13:07:17

He is a bit daft if he doesn't want more kids yet forgets to use a condom but contraception is a joint responsibility so you should remind him.
I think it would be morally wrong not to and what if he was really unhappy if you did get PG?
As much as it would be equally his fault, it still wouldn't be a great situation

RubySlippers Wed 03-Sep-08 13:07:24

serioulsy, do you have to ask?

yes on both counts

it could do terrible damage to your relationship

your DC2 is still so young

perhaps your DH will feel differently in another year or so

DrNortherner Wed 03-Sep-08 13:07:48

pmsl at capp and her anal sex

laughorcry Wed 03-Sep-08 13:10:50

Fair enough, seems fairly unanimous.

I think I would feel pretty bad if things were to happen that way.

Funny, though, until reading these messages it hadn't occurred to me that it was so unusual for a man to need to be reminded about condoms.

orangina Wed 03-Sep-08 13:20:02

I'm sorry, but it's not a lot to ask of dh is it, that he remembers to use a condom if he doesn't want another dc....

(not your responsibility)

agree w capp, tell him once and then say you are not reminding him again.


orangina Wed 03-Sep-08 13:20:57

perhaps that should say not SOLELY your responsibility.....

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 03-Sep-08 13:55:22

Tell him (outside of the bedroom) that you would like to get preg again, you are not willing to use hormonal BC, and so if he is up for another dc you are happy to not use condoms, but if he is not up for it he needs to be responsible for buying and using condoms every time you have sex.

Sorry, it's not morally wrong not to remind him to put a condom on unless he's so stupid he doesn't realise that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy!

Cappuccino Wed 03-Sep-08 14:20:35

I was not talking about anal sex

I was saying I was uptight about contraception okay

we do not do bum sex in the Coffee House

everlong Wed 03-Sep-08 14:39:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alarkaspree Wed 03-Sep-08 14:43:38

I agree with everlong, if he really didn't want a third child that much he wouldn't be forgetting. I'd have another chat with him about it as cappuccino says.

But if you get pregnant and your dh is unhappy about it it will be difficult and horrid for everyone. Even if it is his own fault.

PinkTulips Wed 03-Sep-08 15:05:11

tell him up front when he's not horny 'just so you know love, i don't like using condoms and want another baby so i won't be buying them any more or reminding you to use them. if you choose to buy them yourself and use them so be it but i won't do it for you'

that's how i got ds, after ds he actually managed to buy and use them for almost 2 year and then miraculously decided not to.. am now 18 weeks grin

belgo Wed 03-Sep-08 15:08:03

If he forgets, then that's his problem. He's an adult, he knows you're not on the pill, why on earth does he still expect you to take responsibility for him using condoms?

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