OK, can I start this by saying I love them all.
My family is DH, DS (3.5) and DD 5 months. My relationship with DH has gone astray, we have only had sex a couple of times in the last 2 years (one thankfully resulting in DD!).
I want a 'normal' relationship.
We are both overweight. I think he has worse body issues than me. Although I am sure hedoen't 'fancy' me anymore.
He snores VERY loudly and I am a light sleeper, this has caused major problems especially having a small baby who is also awake in the night (although thankfully not that much now) so now he sleeps downstairs most (nearly all) of the time - by the way he doesn't get up with the kids in the night and I think that's fair as he has to drive the next day often for long distances. I have tried earplugs, nose strap things, special pastels to stick under his tongue, sprays etc. He says he wants to be in our bed and makes me feel guilty, but will not go to the docs and is never proactive at looking for solutions.
DH is unhappy at work and money is very tight.
We made a decision that I would stay at home with the kids, I love being with them but I used to have a career and although I am physically very busy during the day I am not mentally stimulated which I find very difficult. We have no help with childcare, and fees mean that it is not financially viable for me to go back to work part time.
I feel that I give, give ,give all the time and have no time at all for myself.Sometimes I just want to sit in silence.
Our family live miles away and the last time we went out on our own or even had any time alone was over a year ago.
DH has athritis in his knees and is having an op soon to try to replace the cartilidge, he is understandably scared about this and he is in pain.
DH sees the children as my 'job', he has no idea about what DD's routine is etc although I know he loves them both to death and they love him.
DH is often away for a night during the week and has to drive long distances. He wants a rest at the weekend. I understand this, and we do have a lie in each but all the rest of the childcare is down to me and I need a rest too (would even like to go out ON MY OWN). Rather unfairly I also want more family time.
We have just started weaning DD and so there are 7 feeding times a day with bottles and solid foods - last weekend he fed her twice, one bottle, one solid feed which he got bored of after 2 mins and said 'this just aint happening' so I took over.
The house, washing, ironing,
shopping, cooking, bills, other finances, card and present buying, general admin etc are all my jobs. DH goes to work and gets up with the kids on a Sat am, he also helps with bedtime if he is at home but mainly lies on the bed looking at his laptop while DS is in the shower (I am bitter about this as I feel he should make the effort to give him a bath and play with him).
I needed to put it all in black and white, and I don't need any replies but if you do (reply that is) tell me if you think all these pressures are normal. I feel that DH and a I want the same things but are pulling in different directions.
End of long boringness, well done if you read it all.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Don't need a reply.
5 replies
mrslurkalot · 03/09/2008 00:47
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.