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I really love my DH but just dont like him at the moment - Long sorry!

(5 Posts)
Chooster Mon 01-Sep-08 21:08:24

DH and have always been different in that he is quite confident and speaks his mind no matter how it may come across. He's also quite emotional and can get angry very easily. Although I'm no walk-over, I like an easy life and dont really like fighting / arguing, although once I get going I can really get in the swing of it and end up saying things I regret. blush

Anyway, recently it just seems that DH is angry a lot of the time and therefore even small things make him lose his temper. If it was only me then I'd just walk away from the argument, but we have 2 DS's and I am extremely protective of them. If DH so much as shouts unnecessarily at them I turn on him. And today is just an example... MIL (lovely woman) has looked after both Ds's today as we were working. She walks them home at 5pm to save me having to pick them up, DH is already home. Halfway to ours it starts pouring with rain. DH then starts quizzing his mum in an angry way about why she walked them home in the rain. She tries to say that it obviously wasn't raining when she set off, but he goes on and on. I tell him to stop which he interprets as us laughing at him... hmm. DS1, who was so excited at getting wet, hangs up the door mat over the chair in our front porch muttering happily "we must dry this!". DH yells at him to stop putting it on the chair and says "oh, well done DS1, the chair's all dirty now" in a really sarcastic tone. I say to him "thats enough" and walk past him. He then pushes me agressively me in the back... Now this is going to sound worse than it actually was as it wasn't that hard but I could feel my back was sore for a few minutes afterwards. The thing is its not so much what he did (although I'm not best pleased) but its the fact that he doesn't seem to be able to control his anger sad. And I hate that one day he could lose it with the DS's, especially when he gets so cross about something so minor.

I just feel that a lot of the fun has gone recently, although when we have a good time together it really is great, but I dont want to feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I've also lost my sex drive recently and I think its a result of us fighting more. I just dont feel romantic towards him.

I dont know what I expect from MN, just want to write it down really. He really is a lovely man just has anger issues. Is there a book that may help / or maybe anger management classes?

Janni Mon 01-Sep-08 21:11:01

He does sound like he's stressed out. Does he maybe have something else on his mind that he can't talk about, so is taking the strain of it out on all of you?

DumbledoresGirl Mon 01-Sep-08 21:14:39

Was he like this before your sex drive diminished or afterwards?

zazen Mon 01-Sep-08 21:17:11

You're not married to Naoimi are you?
Sorry if that sounds facetious but it does sound like your DH has anger management issues.
To shout and act violently towards you and the children is unacceptable.
Perhaps you could enlist the help of your MIL to get him to see the doctor? He might be depressed or stressed out about something and s/he might recommend some behavioural therapy / meds?

I hope you and the children are OK - a little push in the back isn't just nothing you know. Maybe he could sleep on the sofa / spare room if you have one until he starts to behave himself, or starts to sort out his problems?
Please look out for your self, and take care.

Chooster Tue 02-Sep-08 09:23:48

Thanks ladies - I know he does have issues with controlling his anger, he always has. When he gets really cross with himself he punches doors / walls and things like that. During the massive row that erupted last night I told him to speak to his mum and see if she thought he had anger issues as it didn't seem I was getting through to him. She never says anything to him although she's no shrinking violet, I guess she just minds her own business. To his credit he went round there and was back fairly quickly. He came in and told me she wondered why I hadn't left him ages ago... And then he started crying and saying he was scared of losing us but he couldn't change. sad.

Janni - He's pretty much always had these issues but I think it has got worse. I've put it down to DS1 getting older and pushing the boundaries more. He's 4, DS2 is 13 months. However he was made redundant just before DS2 was born and now runs his own business which must be stressful, although it is going well. He is doing a course at the moment though which I know he doesn't like as he always worries he's going to fail.

Dumbledoresgirl - Its been a combination of everything really. DS2 has never been a great sleeper and I'm now back at work 4 days a week so I'm just knackered most of the time!! And us fighting just makes me back off even more.

We go through these cycles quite often but I'll take advantage of this low and see if I can get him some help.

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