Suddenly really jealous...

[teenymummy]

After having my little one who is now 8 months old, I'm really jealous about the thought of my boyfriend even speaking to other girls. I never used to be jealous but now I just keep thinking we'd be better off apart because I'm positive he's going to leave me. He's starting a new job on monday where it is predominatly female workers and I am sure he is going to find someone else then and cheat on me. How can I stop feeling like this??!! Its doing my head in!

[HappyWoman]

think to yourself that he really does love you

Is there any reason to think he will cheat - past performace ect?

[teenymummy]

No, he's never even cheated on me, all he's done is got a little bit flirty with one of his ex's once when he was drunk but it was nothing really. I have put on so much weight since I got pregnant and I just can't imagine him fancying me anymore. I am really big now and have no self confidence. I just keep thinking that he will find someone slimmer and get along with them really well, someone who doesnt have the stresses of a baby and is still all fun and bubbly.

[misi]

a combo of self confidence lacking and hormones. any other 'symptoms' to see if we can pinpoint which is out of balance?

[teenymummy]

Not really! I think its also because hes the one thats out of the house every day and im in near enough 24/7 with my little one. I love him to bits though and I'm just so scared to lose him. My ex cheated on me at every possible opportunity though so that doesnt help either! every time he went out (although he didnt tell me about it) he would have cheated on me. I'd find out about it a few weeks later through other means. I dont want to be this possesive, jealous person, its not me.

[charlotte121]

Maybe you should try talking to him and tell him exactly how you feel! He might be able to put ur mind at rest and reassure you of how much he loves you. A lot of men find a curvyer woman nmore attractive too! You also have to remember you are the mother of his child. Im sure he adores you for that reason alone. Talk to him. Im sure it will help you get some perspective on the situation.

[misi]

may still be an oestrogen or progesterone imbalance after the birth but with what you say, your confidence then is the main thing as your ex took most of it away to start with. maybe you could go to you doc and ask if he can do a female hormone blood check for you to be on the safe side?

have you talked to you B'f about this?
maybe it is time you arranged for someone you trust to look after baby and have a night out with your B'f as you may also be going 'stir crazy' !!
try and suggest you both do things together out of the house away from baby.

personally, when I started a job that had all females working there, the last thing on my mind was getting together with any of them, far too scary a notion . a work place with predominatly more women than men can be a scary place whereas if there were only a few women, that would be the place to try out the manly charms, don't ask me why, its the way it works

[misi]

I vote for the 'curvier' woman too and he would be mad to cheat on you.

[charlotte121]

Lol I love misi... he has the answer for everything. you have restored my faith in men.

[solidgoldbrass]

YOu should see your HV or GP and get yourself thoroughly checked out in case it's a hormonal problem or soemthing PND-ish.
Because if your DP has never given you any reason to suspect him of cheating before, then your feelings are your problem and you need to not make them his problem: nothing poisons a relationship faster than irrational jealousy.

[misi]

thanks charlotte

[teenymummy]

Aww, thank you so much. He does try to reassure me loads bless him but it just doesnt get through! I just look at myself in the mirror and feel horrible. All of his ex's were very slim so I never really knew why he got with me in the first place. I have spoken to him about it but he just thinks im being stupid. He doesnt pay me any compliments though nowadays which makes my confidence fall even more and i find it hard to be intimate with him which I think hes getting fed up of . Thank you for your comments though! Btw, misi are you a male? just wondered bcos of the way you were talking.

[teenymummy]

solidgoldbrass- yeah i know, thats why I'm trying to sort it out! I dont keep on about it or anything, I dont keep him in all the time or away from his mates. its just what i keep thinking about all day! I think i might just have too much time on my own to think about things and very little self confidence. just dont know how to change!

[Beaches]

Have you explained to him that if he paid you some compliments it could enable you to feel confident enough to engage in intimate moments! Also maybe see if there are some local baby groups you could take little one to during the day, then you would not be cooped up
btw, all mums go a little mad sometimes, totally ok, it can take up to a year to get your body back. Just shows your focus is baba, not a diet, which is exactly as it should be and prob one of the many reasons your man loves you

[charlotte121]

have you thought about confindence classes. alot of women who hhave been through tough or violent relationships find them useful.

[teenymummy]

Oh beaches your great! actually made me feel teary! Thank you

[solidgoldbrass]

Sorry, didn't mean to sound that harsh. CHarlotte121's idea is a good one: some kind of self-esteem boosting would help you a lot. And Beaches is bang on about baby groups (though some of them can be a bit grim: try a few till you find one you like).
And be kind to yourself in general: regular healthy meals, fresh air etc even though you're bound to be tired with a young baby -and most of all, have some time, like an hour or two a week minimum where you do something for yourself ie which is not about pleasing your partner or looking after your baby, but something which reminds you that you are a person too.

[Beaches]

You are welcome honey, a little kindness goes a long way, show yourself some! Have a yummy bubble bath, glass of wine some choc, you will be hunting your man down in no time, have some fun together! Your body has just done an amazing job in delivering baby, show it a good time now, wobbly bits included, in fact, essential!

[misi]

yes, I is of the male persuasion!!
I must say that when I paid my ex compliments after she gave birth, I got an earful, so I did stop for a while until her complaints about me not saying how beautiful she looked etc got too much but then as she thought she was ugly I was only saying so as a platitude couldn't win

now my ex did have a gorgeous arse bum, there was something that drew me to it all the time even when it grew twice as big after birth, but as she thought it was hideous, I was 'told off' as I could only possibly be making fun of her and as for touching, holding, squeezing, fondling said body part, well if something sharp was handy I wouldn't have a hand left.

we males do get confused by you females.
we have to find the fine line between what you mean and what you want if that makes sense? if you say, tell us, believe yourself often enough that you think you are horrible, most women I know are very convincing and all of a sudden you don't know whether to agree to make you happy or disagree to make you happy.

to your question about why he is with you. most of my ex g'f's were curvy including my sons mum, my g'f now (if she comes back to england possibly ) is very slim, ( I did make the mistake of saying I could feel her hip bone in my stomach one day but thankfully it was before she had the level of good english she has now [phew] ) some were blond, some brunette, some tall, one very short ( I am quite tall apparently), but the thing they all had in common was great personalities.
your ex is with your because thats where he wants to be, with the woman he met and fell for, you are still that same person but without the confidence of belief in yourself. take your time, go out together, have faith (oh and maybe give him a good hint as to what you really want him to say, go on give him a good clue???

[teenymummy]

I must say that on the few occasions when he has paid me a compliment I've felt as though hes just doing it to be polite. and I am the same as your ex im afraid as far as the not letting him touch my 'not quite so small' parts anymore! I just think my body feels/looks awful and so it makes me really uncomfortable him touching me

Yes, my ex wasnt bothered about the girls looks which made me even more nervous when i found out he had cheated on me the first time! He literally slept with every girl he met who would have him! At least if he was picky I would have had an idea about who he might go for!
I just cant see why he would go for me when there are so many other really attractive (and not so wobbly) girls out there!
I must sound so down and miserable and I am sorry! Im normally a nice bubbly girl and still am when I have the sparse nights out! This is just getting to me! I know getting out of the house will be better for me but I find it hard with the little one. I hate getting on buses with the pushchair and theres nothing around me. we recently moved and I dont know anyone or anything around me anymore...

[misi]

where are you? maybe some other MNers are around you that you don't know that you can meet with?

I am talking more about you and b'f going out at night on your own, quality you time, but any time away from home will help. baby clubs etc have been mentioned I think, instead of being on here for now, get googling and have a look at your new area, see whats around and be brave
but tell us where you are first before you disappear

[teenymummy]

Im in benfleet in essex. I've already looked on here if there are any other mums around me but there arn't. I'm a bit weary about just looking on the internet for meeting up with people! You never really know who your going to meet! We only have my parents who could babysit for us and they work full time and my bf works nights when they are off. No time to go out together! Because of the same reasons im never away from the little one for time for just me. I dont even know what I would do now if i did get the chance!

[misi]

I'm only just up the road from you and gillybean is a similar distance but the other way. I may be a bit strange, but gilly is a gem
talk to your parents and your B'f and find a way to go out and have a bit of fun even if only for an hour or so. sarfend on a saturday night might be a bit much but theres plenty to do really. think positive and get asking!!

[teenymummy]

Thats strange that you live close to me! I used to love going out in good old southend! I think thats actually what I'm in need of. Maybe a good night out with some old mates. Then i might just build up some confidence again. Thank you so much and I will take all of the advice I have been given by you all!

[pamelat]

I bet he loves you more than ever

My DD is almost 8 months too. Bizarrely I am the opposite. Pre DD I was very insecure and now its like all of my anxieties (working on them!) have been transferred from him to her.

I know my DH gets angry if I talk about my weight gain. He tells me "FFK you carried a BABY for 9 months, its an incredible thing, what does it matter what you look like" _ I think he means that nicely!!

[teenymummy]

Aww, yeah im sure he means that nicely! See, if my bf actually said stuff like that to me I dont think I would be as bothered about it all. He just seems to let me get on with it. I told him one night that my self confidence was really low and i told him about all of my worries and he just said he didnt want to talk about it. I know men are terrible at talking about their feelings but still!!

I dont know, I guess i just dont think that any men will be faithful if someone 'better' comes along! Bloody ex boyfriend!!