Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

have you ever left someone you still loved very much because you knew it was the right thing to do??

(20 Posts)
juicychops Sun 31-Aug-08 15:52:08

how do you emotionally do it?

i think i need to leave dp but i love him

forevercleaning Sun 31-Aug-08 15:53:53

why do you feel you need to leave him? What has led to the decision?

onepieceoflollipop Sun 31-Aug-08 15:54:28

I thought I loved my ex-p, but actually he was a cheating and mind-game-playing man. At the time I didn't realise.

In the end I emotionally managed to do it as I was having a mc and rather than support me he was off shagging someone else. sad That kind of woke me up to things.

Are you ok juicychops?

highschoolmusical Sun 31-Aug-08 16:14:10

I don't understand? Do you love him but are not IN love?

teenymummy Sun 31-Aug-08 16:30:14

Sorry, I'm new to this, I can't seem to read the first part of the conversation. Whats going wrong with your relationship?

abouteve Sun 31-Aug-08 16:34:45

Yes I have. He was a long way from his DD and it was making him miserable. I put my DD first so didn't want to move her and I felt it best if he went and made a life back in his home town.

HappyWoman Sun 31-Aug-08 16:43:26

surely love is through thick and thin - so why do you need to leave him?

Tell us more

juicychops Sun 31-Aug-08 17:25:19

we've been together nearly 3 years. i have known him for 7 years ive posted on here about him before.

he has 3 kids who i still haven't met and it just feels like he's not as serious about us as i want him to be and feels like nothing will ever change

ive been in therapy for the last couple of months and its given me back so much confidence and self esteem and its just making me realise i would be happier if i was alone.

it feels like he is wiht me more out of convenience than anything else. i know he loves me but he doesn't show it

he hardly ever looks at me when he talks to me either which he is like with everyone but its making me feel so distant from him now

forevercleaning Sun 31-Aug-08 17:31:33

does he live with you? Do you have dc?

juicychops Sun 31-Aug-08 17:34:33

he doesn't live with me, he lives at his mum and dads but stays with my 4 nights during the week until his kids are back at his mum and dads for the weekend. then i dont really hear from him all weekend while his kids are there

but if i go out with my friend without him he expects me to text him every half hour to let him know what im doing/who im with and its just getting too much lately

zippitippitoes Sun 31-Aug-08 17:37:06

that sounds a very strange set up

im not surprised you are fed up

NorkyButNice Sun 31-Aug-08 17:56:49

Not exactly the same as your situation, but I went out with a guy for 6 months or so - he worked in London during the week but his friends and family were all in Kent where he had grown up and lived till getting his job in London. He kept a room in a friend's house which he went back to every Friday, and came back to London on Monday - he never let me meet his friends or family, and I never got to see him at weekends - eventually, I called an end to things as he was just treating me as his mid-week entertainment, but was happiest when he was back in Kent with his mates.

Since then he's been through many similar relationships, where eventually the girl gives up as he's just not going to change.

You need to do whatever will make you happiest - you are worth having someone full-time, and being involved in their whole life, kids and all.

forevercleaning Sun 31-Aug-08 18:37:28

sounds like too much hard work, you would prob be best off out of it, especially if there are no dc between you.

Also it's your house and he just seems to stay there for convenience without any commitment.

IllegallyBrunette Sun 31-Aug-08 18:38:57

I remember your previous threads about your Dp Juicychops, and so yes, I would say leaving him is the right thing to do.

sleepycat Sun 31-Aug-08 18:41:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juicychops Sun 31-Aug-08 19:13:42

what makes it harder is that his family are all so so wonderful and i have also just offered to be a surragate for dp's sister which i would still do if we did break up

but it would prob make them feel awkward too of they stayed in contact with me

Cappuccino Sun 31-Aug-08 19:17:12

you haven't met his kids in three years?

nah you're better off out of that

teenymummy Sun 31-Aug-08 19:46:31

Hi juicychops, I know it might be hard but you really are better off without him by the sounds of it. However, you have to think about how you would feel after you make your decision (whatever it is). Imagine you broke up with him, would you be more upset than you are now with him? Not just initially but later on. If you think you would be then you arn't quite ready to let him go. If you do decide to split with him then spend time with your friends, spend time cheering yourself up, meeting new people and having a good time concentrating on you. If you decide to stay with him then try to look for the positives in the relationship, tell him how you feel and let him know you would like to be more involved in his life. Men are terrible at talking about things (everything) so you might have to take it gently.

solidgoldbrass Sun 31-Aug-08 19:52:50

Well, if you do break up with him, there is no reason why you can't stay friends with his family as long as you make the break up civil. ANd it sounds like he's hardly going to hang himself if you say you don't want to be in a couple relationship any more as frankly he doesn't sound much bothered about it. He might make a better friend than a partner. God luck.

Baffy Sun 31-Aug-08 21:12:23

Agree with SGB

I remember your earlier thread on this and sadly, it looks like nothing is going to change.

For very different reasons I'm currently walking away from someone I love very much. It's not what I want, but I do know it's the right thing to do. And the only way I think I'll ever be truly happy. Hurts like hell. But when you know it's for the best you have to find the strength. If you don't put yourself first then who will.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now