Have posted on here before about my relationship with BF. We are in a LDR now for over a year. There have been some uncertainties due to the fact that I haven't been to his yet. (Some will remember about this post).
BF came to visit last weekend and it was lovely to see him. But I didn't hear from him for a few days after and when we eventually did speak it was a bit cold. When I asked 'gingerly' if all was ok between us (as I hadn't heard from him) he got quite shirty and asked if I was 'winding him up'. I didn't act submissive and put him in his place as to which he backed down and turned it into humour. We haven't ever actually rowed, as we don't see a lot of each other it seems futile to fill our meets with negatives. I, after all this time, still don't really know him very well. I feel this when I 'almost get near to a row' with him. We both don't go there as its too risky and I think we are both insecure about each other because of the distance and the fact that I don't know his life that much.
I care for him dearly, but I am dissatisfied with the pace this relationship if taking. He is very busy, has his life in his town (of which I know very little about). I don't know what I want it to become, but I know that I am not seeing/having/enjoying him as much as I would like. So we talked about him moving here. He seemed positive about that but I feel he is a bit unrealistic about it. The other thought is whether I could be responsible for bringing him away from his surroundings, his church, his family etc. (He is divorced and raising a child alone but child will go with his EW). All these things go round in my head. 'What if it doesn't work out, we hardly know each other to make such a break,etc etc'. Then I think, I am 51, not getting younger, have my DD to think about. I want the normal things that go with a relationship, for me and for her.
I don't have the freedom and funds to just nip up to him and he's not well off either and has his parental duties and work etc so we meet, it seems less and less. I feel like I am wasting my 'time'.
In between all this, a man I once was in contact with - but never met - has remained in intermittent contact with me, only ever on a friendly basis. He's very nice and we can chat for hours about everything. He's open, available, willing, (not badly off) (altho that sounds furtive), it is really not of consequence, but I have experienced how being poorly off can effect the ability of a relationship to flourish. He also lives just 1/2 hr away. A feasible distance..
In other words, I feel bad about wanting to meet this new man when present BF has no idea and to be honest it feels very selfish of me. But how much longer should I give DP to straighten up with me? Its almost as if he enjoys the beck and call control thing.
What do you think?
I am not a 'player' at all, I was married for 26 years to the same man and have only really had 2 serious boyfriends since my divorce.
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Relationships
Confused and feeling bad about my intentions but need opinions...
21 replies
Kally · 29/08/2008 18:14
OP posts:
AbricotsSecs ·
29/08/2008 19:44
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AbricotsSecs ·
01/09/2008 20:20
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