unreasonable behaviour...???

[kozy44]

hi this is my first post on here...!! i am at the start of divorcing my husband...the end of our marriage has been a long time coming...but i have finally built up the courage to ask for a divorce..he is very very angry with me and i now have to cite his unreasonable behaviour I am loath to use anything contentious as i know he will tell our children what i have said...what i would like are a few examples of 'mild' unreasonable behaviour which seems to be what the court will accept for example could i say that he spent hours every night on the computer - or that when after our last blazing argument when i couldnt bare speakin to him i suddenly realised that he never spoke to me anyway it was always me speakin to me and if i didnt speak no one did....something like that... sorry if i sound a bit daft i am just looking for a simple way to extract myself out of a very unhappy marriage...

[RambleOn]

Lack of communication
Lack of help around the home
Lack of help with the children
Refusing to socialise with you or with your family
Failing to provide emotional support

Welcome to MN btw

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

I don't think you need to cite unreasonable behaviour anymore. I think you can just state that the marriage irretrievably broken down and that there are irrevocable differences. Divorces may take longer than they used to but nobody has to blame anyone.

[Anglepoise]

Unless it's changed in the last couple of years, you did have to give specific reasons, but most judges will let you get away with fairly mild ones in order to keep things as amicable as possible. It is also sometimes possible to agree them with the other side in advance.

So yes, you could use things like spent hours on the computer - maybe dress it up as failure to communicate or refusal to involve himself in family life. Your solicitor should be able to help.

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

Jesus Christ on a bike, most of our DHs have plenty of grounds to divorce us then don't they!

[kozy44]

just wanted to say thanks for the welcome and for all your replies! I really appreciate all the information - I dont know if its a recent thing but you cant get a divorce now on the grounds of irreconcilable differences only on unreasonable behaviour and you have to give examples but i feel better equiped when i next see my solicitor..so big thanks to you all...

[citylover]

I diy divorced my exH on these grounds and put some pretty bland things down such as refusal to eat with us, to socialise with me, to deal with financial problems etc

It went through OK and took from Sept to Feb to go from first petition to decree absolute.

Would have liked to have put more but felt it best to put the bland things due to children being involved.

[kozy44]

thanks for that citylover I feel the same way! there are loads of things i could say but i am sure he would delight in showin the kids what i had said and im just not prepared to take the chance...most of the reasons you gave i could use in my own situation...so thanks again for taking the time to reply...

[Alexa808]

To get a 'quickie' divorce you have to cite either adultery or unreasonable behaviour. You have to give 5 points for the latter.

• over-spending of family money
• treating you badly (screaming, insulting, etc)
• lack of care for you and kids
• controlling you

etc

The judges are quite lenient normally if they see that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. (Have you ever been to councelling and it hasn't worked? Then there you go. You're set for divorce.)

I don't know about your financial situation but would recommend you get all your docs together: bank statements, policies, certificates & ID, then find a lawyer in family law in the yellow pages & schedule a free hour's consultation to know where you stand.

Good luck.