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How can I tell my mum I dont want to go on holiday with her?

(22 Posts)
mosschops30 Thu 28-Aug-08 10:12:44

We went away together in March for a week, it was great, a real break and we both enjoyed. We booked again a few weeks after we came back.

At the time me and dh werent getting on so I relished the time away, it was a break for both of us.

However things are a whole lot better now and we are even talking about ttc no.3. My mum is in a very negative place atm, everything she says has a negative feel to it, she's quite rude to me at times and we havent really been as close for a couple of months. The thought of going away with her and leaving my family is keeping me awake at night.

So I just want some advice on how to get out of the holiday without giving the real reasons, or hurting her. I start a new job on 8th Sept but they have already said they will honour any hols booked. I wasa thinking of saying that my diploma starts whilst we're away but not even sure if she'd go for that.

Any help or advice would be great thanks smile

CountessDracula Thu 28-Aug-08 10:19:17

it sounds a bit "I'm on the bus, ding ding"

Maybe she is in a shite place and would welcome a holiday with you just as you did with her when you were!

How long are we talking?

mosschops30 Thu 28-Aug-08 10:22:10

Whats 'Im on the bus ding ding'?

We originally went because she was having a hard time with my father, which she still is, and she needed a break which he paid for. It just so happened that me and dh werent getting on, that wasnt the reason we went.
Its a week in Cyprus

bubblagirl Thu 28-Aug-08 10:24:39

i would say your mum was there for you when you was in bad place coulnt you grit your teeth and be there for her and while away tell her her actions and words are hurting you and see if you can clear the air

it will still be good for you and dh to have space and maybe your mum really needs this i think as you were more than happy to go when you and dh were not getting on and had good time you just need to be there for her maybe she doesnt feel needed now you and dh are ok

just go enjoy yourself see if you can lift your mums spirits

bubblagirl Thu 28-Aug-08 10:26:09

sorry x post but still she is having rough time its only a week in the sun could be good for all round absence makes the heart grow fonder so you and dh should be over the moon to see each ither when you get back lol

CountessDracula Thu 28-Aug-08 10:29:01

It is an old expression with a meaning a little like I'm alright jack

Ie you hop on a routemaster and because you are in a hurry you do the "ding ding" to make it go regardless of whether others have got on/off.

But metaphorically grin

mosschops30 Thu 28-Aug-08 10:33:06

oh well i guess thats me told sad will have to endure a week of my mother!

at least I have an ipod now to drown out the constant complaining/moaning/my lifes worse than anyone elses comments grin

2point4kids Thu 28-Aug-08 10:34:58

You should go.

You went before and both had a great time together. It helped both of you get through a rough patch.
Now she is having another rough patch and its affecting your relationship. If you go, it will help her, plus help your relationship!

Its not fair to change your mind because you're feeling better about your DH and fancy staying with him more!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbledigook Thu 28-Aug-08 10:37:04

Hmm, sorry, I think I agree with the others. It seems a bit mean to try and pull out now just because your circumstances have changed.

nailpolish Thu 28-Aug-08 10:38:13

she is your mother
go on holiday and cheer her up a bit

nailpolish Thu 28-Aug-08 10:40:50

imagine if your mum said to you "nah i dont want to go on holiday any more, my life is soooo much better now SORRY! BYEEE!"

or even worse - you found out she had lied to get out of a holiday with you

MrsTittleMouse Thu 28-Aug-08 10:46:08

If you've already arranged to go on holiday, then I don't think that you can get out of it now. It's so difficult to lie and not get caught out, and your Mum would be really offended (not surprisingly!).
A week in Cyprus could be fun, couldn't it?

TheHedgeWitch Thu 28-Aug-08 11:10:55

Message withdrawn

warthog Thu 28-Aug-08 11:12:49

yup, i also think you should go.

sorry, but she was there for you when you were in a bad place, reciprocation time.

grit teeth.

LazyLinePainterJane Thu 28-Aug-08 11:38:40

SO you will use a holiday with her to pick yourself up when you are feeling crappy, but now you're alright, you aren't interested in seeing her?

How would you feel if someone treated you like that?

mosschops30 Thu 28-Aug-08 12:15:46

as i said earlier, we didnt go on the previous holiday to cheer me up, in fact me and dh didnt start rowing until a few days before I went.
The holiday was for my mum.

Ive already held my hands up so you can stop picking on the same irrelavent point, thank you

girlnextdoor Thu 28-Aug-08 12:23:53

Could you try to suggest your mum takes one of her friends?

I don't agree that you should go if you don't want to. But in any case, maybe you just need to be open with her to clear the air.

It's tricky that the hol is already booked. A lot can change in 6 months!

If she hasn't anyone else to take your place I don't see how you can easily backout- but I'd try to tackle her negativity first and offer her support - why is she so negative? what's going on in her life now?

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 12:29:31

i would hate to think this is how my kids feel about me

is it really thast much hardship to go with her

and you enjoyed it last time when you werent feeling great surely you will enjoy it more this time

and away from her troubles she may transform and be happy

thats how it works for me anyhow

and ttc is hardly going to be affected by a week away with your mum is it

its booked you have a new job they are fine about it

share yoyr happiness with your mum

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 12:31:05

she will be completely gutted if you cry off

Aniyan Thu 28-Aug-08 12:33:59

Hi mosschops30 - whereabouts in Cyprus are you going? I go there pretty often so might be able to give you some tips on good places to go / places to avoid - you may as well try and enjoy yourselves if you're going smile

mosschops30 Thu 28-Aug-08 16:24:37

girlnextdoor - i did think of that, my uncle died in February and I know mum will go with my auntie next year, so could suggest that. But as its only 4 weeks away I think its prety short notice.

Thanks aniyan - we went there in March too, and didnt venture outside the plush hotel so probably be the same this time which is just fine by me for a restful week smile

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