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Married men, do they leave their wife for their mistress?

(119 Posts)
BrazenHussy Wed 27-Aug-08 19:53:27

The old expression 'He'll never leave his wife for you' is what people tend to say to the mistress and there are, i dare say, many
mistresses putting their life on hold, waiting for their married men to leave their wives - either as he has promised to do or just because they think he will eventually when the kids grow up/move out etc

Reading through the relationship section on here, this doesn't appear to be the case - many do leave.

So, do these men suddenly just become new men and remain faithful to their new partners (mistress) or does a leopard never change his spots?

Is anyone prepared to share this on here?

liahgen Wed 27-Aug-08 19:57:21

my ex h was seperated from his 1`st wife when we met.

He spent a year tooing and froing until i called it a day. He left for good a week later and we were together 9 yrs, until his mental and pohysical abuse became too much.

It was only in the last few months, and immediately after that i found out he'd been shagging half the town grin

So...ime, NO.

Still, he realised grass was not greener and spent next 3 years apologising and begging me to take him back.

Needless to say, I am now married to the love of my life, whom I met when he fixed the crappy car that exh gave me. grin

poetic justice.

liahgen Wed 27-Aug-08 19:58:39

having said that, good friend in rl has just moved in with hers. I hope it works for them cos it's such a waste of people's lives.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Wed 27-Aug-08 20:01:17

my dad left his wife and young child for my mum <she was unaware that he was married till much later>. im not sure if he has ever cheated on her but i wouldnt put i past him.

he is very controlling and has spent the last 27 years abusing her mentally and physically. id ask yourself what sort of man is willing to cheat on his wife and children?

liahgen Wed 27-Aug-08 20:09:46

i agree seashells.

fedupandisolated Wed 27-Aug-08 20:12:42

My lovely SIL's husband had just done this. Came home and announced that he'd met someone else and they wanted to be together. The bastard then packed a bag and left. Poor SIL is devastated.

sammysam Wed 27-Aug-08 20:46:38

My dad left my mum for his mistress-they are still together 11 years later and they seem 'strong' i really don't think he'd have cheated on her at all.........then again I wouldn't have thought he'd have done it to my mum hmm

lulumama Wed 27-Aug-08 20:48:13

a friends DH did. split with teh OW 2 months later. two families destroyed for nothing


snowleopard Wed 27-Aug-08 20:49:44

My mum is with someone who left his wife for her, after an affair that went on for about 18 months.

I would never feel really comfortable with it though... you'd know you were with a potential cheater. My mum gets round this by convincing herself his ex-wife is a complete bitch - that old chestnut!

theinsider Wed 27-Aug-08 20:50:26

"When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy".

snowleopard Wed 27-Aug-08 20:51:23

I also know a woman whose DH had an affair, left her for the OW, had a new family with the OW, and a few years down the line is now cheating on the OW.

There must be examples where the man changes, but it's generally going to be a bad scene IMO.

BrazenHussy Wed 27-Aug-08 20:57:10

Yes there does seem to be a pattern here, doesn't there? The man marries the mistress and then cheats all over again.

Like you say snowleopard - your relationship would be a non starter whee trust is concerned and yes, women believe it must have been the ex-wife's fault

theinsider - i haven't heard that expression before but so true lol

FlightAttendent Wed 27-Aug-08 20:59:01

I 'got' him for about 3 months after they split. That included quite a few weeks where he was 'working away' aka living with someone else.

I didn't know about it but I strongly suspected because I had seen him lie so much. He was actually awful at it.

He was and is a complete shit. Foolishly I actually believed that our 'love' was worth all the hurt we caused. Ha ha. Noooo.

He did marry the one after me, but I have utterly no doubt that he is or will be doing the same to her...he is psychologically programmed to be a 'loner' and that conveniently allows him to compartmentalise his relationships. It is ALL about him and what he needs. Nobody else counts for shit.

I would go with the book - if they leave within 9 months they might be in it for real. Any longer and they are quite happy how things are thankyou.

Flibbertyjibbet Wed 27-Aug-08 21:00:25

My cousin left his first wife for his 2nd. He married no 1 very young (his excuse) and they had no kids but he still too-ed and fro-ed for 18m till his brother told him to sort it out.
Last year he left 2nd wife after 15 years and 2 children.

WideWebWitch Wed 27-Aug-08 21:00:54

Er, do they leave their mistresses? No, mostly not but sometimes they do! But who would want them, frankly?

Are they Then Faithful? Er, no, probably not. If he lied to his wife why wouldn't he lie to you? As the odious James Goldsmith said "when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy"

lizziemun Wed 27-Aug-08 21:04:14

I worked with someone who affair with a married man who left his wife and 5 children to be with her. Then had 3 children with her. And yes after 10 together he left her for someone else.

On the other hand my dad left my mum for my stepmother and they have been together for 18years.

AbbaFan Wed 27-Aug-08 21:13:09

My dad left my mum for his - but only after mum found out he was having an affair hmm. Think he would of just carried on otherwise.

Shoshe Wed 27-Aug-08 21:14:24

Ex left me for our 16 year old babysitter, 3 weeks after our newborn baby died.

He married her, had two children, left her when the youngest was about 5,

Married the next one, had two more kids, left her when the youngest was 2,

Married the next one 1 kid, just left her.

Can you see a pattern!

TillyScoutsmum Wed 27-Aug-08 21:16:57

My dad left my mum for my stepmother and they have been married for 27 years (and I don't think he's cheated).

Are there not different "types" of affair ?? I think there are men (and women) who shag around whilst in a relatively happy marriage and I suspect these Leopards keep hold of their spots. I also think there are people in unhappy marriages which are reaching the end but who don't have the balls to end it before starting a new relationship. An "overlap" affair, if you like. I suspect that was the case with my dad.

liahgen Wed 27-Aug-08 21:17:08

sad shoshe

ThatBigGermanPrison Wed 27-Aug-08 21:18:58

The reason that reading the relationship section has given you the impression that many men leave their wives for their mistresses is that the relationship section subjects are started by wives, and never has any information on all the mistresses that never get found out by the wife.

FlightAttendent Wed 27-Aug-08 21:20:47

That's right - there are various defined types.

The 'open door' affair where it is used as an excuse to leave..usually dumps mistress shortly after she has fulfilled her purpose.

The 'three legged stool' affair - this one can go on for years. Neither relationship will survive if one person leaves the triangle. So wife finds out, ditches him, he leaves mistress too.

Can't remember the others.

Shoshe - that's awful. sad

ThatBigGermanPrison Wed 27-Aug-08 21:21:48

Shoshe, there is qa special place in the circles of hell for that cunt.

Shoshe Wed 27-Aug-08 21:22:38

Hey it was a lifetime ago, and I am now married to the most amazing man. grin

TillyScoutsmum Wed 27-Aug-08 21:24:27

Shoshe - what an unmitigated cunt sad.

Glad you've found your amazing man though smile

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