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am i been unreasonable .

(7 Posts)
bec40 Tue 26-Aug-08 16:24:54

4 months ago i gave birth to a beautiful baby girl .My partners and mine first baby together .When i had my son by a different partner he wasnt around for the birth and left me before my s was born .This time i thought it would be lovely having someone for support .I had a home birth and my partner fell asleep .He did wake up in time to se my d born but i feel so let down by him .He also did make a huge fuss of me ,no flowers or card to congratulate .What a disappointment ,felt so unloved .He insists he just fell asleep and noone woke him up !!!! .Any comments or experiences .

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 26-Aug-08 16:45:53

How was he allowed to carry on sleeping? Was he in another room? How long was he asleep for? Was he asleep while you were pushing? How on earth was he not woken up?

I wouldn't expect DH to buy me a card when I give birth necessarily. Some sort of present is in order though, or just some fuss, some 'didn't you do well I'm so proud'. That's the real point - did he make you feel special? And did he support you afterwards?

Pheebe Tue 26-Aug-08 17:02:45

You have a beautiful (and presumably healthy) baby girl. I think you should try and focus on how lucky you are rather than the fact you partner didn't buy you any flowers. Sorry if that sounds unsympathetic but you can either let this eat you up and taint your relationship or move on.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 26-Aug-08 17:17:41

bec40, I felt similar on my DS1's first Mother's Day when my DH didn't "do" anything - no reason he should, I'm not his mum after all blush- and we had a screaming row about it. However, when we'd both calmed down we had a talk, and I explained how unloved and unappreciated it made me feel, and he explained how useless he felt (DS was about 4m and I probably didn't make let DH do very much babycare) and we managed to remake our bond.

If you're still resentful about this after 4 months, it's something you need to address with your dp, but I think you need to think it through a bit first. Are you transferring your resentment and anger at your first dp onto this man? You feel you've been let down twice (and you have) but that's not your dp's fault, is it? He only did it once - and you could have had him woken earlier, so you share some of the responsibility for that. Do you feel your dp is still letting you down about other things now, or is he generally pretty supportive?

You're obviously angry about something, but is it really the birth?

GypsyMoth Tue 26-Aug-08 17:32:12

i recently had a home birth. it was my partner's first baby,and my 5th! it was so relaxed,he managed to watch top gear,eat dinner etc. he wasn't at all panicky,even when midwives were all out on call when i needed one. i think it was a combination of me having done it all before,and the fact we weren't being made anxious in a hospital environment. i got on with it all myself,which is what i wanted. he was confident enough to know if i really neded him,then i would yell,loud!!

i never got a card either. or a pressie. no flowers. but i DID get a 7 seater car off him to transport the kids in!

JessJess3908 Tue 26-Aug-08 18:16:24

I have warned DP that I will be expecting flowers after... now I am thinking of dropping hints for a 7 seater!

Seriously tho OP - did you make your expectations of the role he would play at the birth clear? How has he supported you since in terms of helping you look after your DD?

If you did make it clear that you wanted/needed his support throughout the birth or on anything since that he has not lived up to since then YANBU. If you've kept your mouth shut about what you need/expect from him and have expected him to 'just know' how to support you then sorry but YABU.

IMHO - men are crap at 'just knowing' anything.

MarlaSinger Tue 26-Aug-08 18:19:52

I'd be pretty pissed off, but I did really feel for DP at the end of my long labour - I'd done the hard work, granted, but I also had the adrenaline to get me through - I say this with love, but my god he looked like shit at the end of it all. I mean I know I did too but I had just pushed a baby out of my womb.

I didn't get flowers or anything from DP either - would have been lovely though.

Focus on how he is now the baby is here and your time as a family - does he do a lot with your baby?

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