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Caught DP texting Ex Girlfriend

(41 Posts)
Witchybella Tue 26-Aug-08 12:41:57

We had had a lovely evening out for a meal and I came in and was upstairs checking on DS's and come downstairs to find DP texting this was half 12 at night, I ask him who he was texting at that time of night and he hesitated then said ex girlfriend. I wasnt happy and he now thinks I am over-reacting. Dont know what to think it has been eating me up all weekend.

scorpio1 Tue 26-Aug-08 12:42:35

Do you know what they were texting? Do they have dc together?

bethoo Tue 26-Aug-08 12:42:56

did you ask him what about?

Witchybella Tue 26-Aug-08 12:48:11

No dont have any dc together. He was with her for a couple months prior to us getting together 2 1/2 years ago. At the same time when I said I wasnt happy about him texting he said he hadnt heard from her for a few months hmm He said that she was texting what her ds exam results where!!! But I am now thinking that the Saturday before when we went out with friends he was texting at 1 am and reckoned it was to do with work hmm now I am doubting that.

bethoo Tue 26-Aug-08 12:50:15

tricky as next thing they could be meeting up if not already!
tell him that it is not on and how would he like it if yoiu were texting ex bfs?

abouteve Tue 26-Aug-08 12:53:42

Sounds like either one of them or both are doing the late night, I miss you texts!

MascaraOHara Tue 26-Aug-08 12:54:43

texting ex's late at night is never good news..

scorpio1 Tue 26-Aug-08 12:56:51

Is it always at night, 'away' from you? Can you look at his phone, or does he keep it on him al lthe time?

CountessDracula Tue 26-Aug-08 12:58:17

Ask to see his itemised mobile bill
Then you can see how much he is actually texting her

Witchybella Tue 26-Aug-08 13:06:38

He keeps the phone on him all the time. Plus its a work phone so dont see any bills. Only noticed the other night & last week but it seems when I go out the room. I said how would you like it if I was doing that etc. What bothers me is the hesitation on his face of do I lie or tell the truth..

NothingSweetAboutMe Tue 26-Aug-08 13:11:26

Not everybody's cup of tea, but I would proceed to some serious -but discreet- snooping...

Witchybella Tue 26-Aug-08 13:18:21

I have thought about that but am scared to get caught at looking at his phone. Plus I am now worried as I am going away for a week with DS's. Feeling really down.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Tue 26-Aug-08 13:24:36

absolutely honestly, maybe I'm a walkover but I would say that the fact that he told you and was honest about it means there's nothing going on - the hesitation could have just been "will she be mad if she knows, actually it's better to be honest cos I have nothing to hide". Give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him straight out how often they're in touch - hopefully he'll continue being honest

bethoo Tue 26-Aug-08 13:24:45

i am sorry as this must be distressing news and i dont want to say anything upsetting but i would imo not go away or come back as a surprise to see what he was up to! sounds suspicious anyway you look at it! maybe ifyou have a cat/plants ask a friend to turn up unexpectadly to feed them?

sophiajane Tue 26-Aug-08 13:26:37

witchybella I am sorry but think you have every right to snoop too....better still, can you not demand to see the text?

beanieb Tue 26-Aug-08 13:27:13

When you go away can you 'leave' but then come back? Maybe (much as I hate to suggest trapping him) catch him at it?

everlong Tue 26-Aug-08 13:41:58

Be honest with him. Tell him your worries and that you feel uneasy with him texting her when you are out of the room.

Ask him if there is anything for you to worry about.

Mamazon Tue 26-Aug-08 13:46:20

if the text had been at 11 am then i would say that she was just group texting her entire phonebook to give out the exam results.

but exam results do not arrive at midnight.

I would ask to see the phone. or be even more sneaky and text her off your own phone saying "hi, this is my new number, DP"

NothingSweetAboutMe Tue 26-Aug-08 13:54:53

Oooh Mamazon, very cunning! I like that!

Witchybella, you have got to do something, anything, either talk to him, or be crafty and snoop, but if you're anything like me, then these doubts would be enough to send me straight to the loony bin.

Witchybella Tue 26-Aug-08 15:36:25

Sorry for the delay had to nip out. I am feeling like I am going to the loony bin. It is eating me up as I know that texts like that dont arrive at midnight you would send it in the morning / afternoon, and why reply when I am near or have they been texting while I was upstairs as was upstairs for half hour settling ds.

I like that Mamazon very cunning.

I have talked to him but is like sorry should think of your feelings, so more confused than ever.

Cant nip back as we are going abroad, might tell my mum to keep popping round.

I am even doubting that he has gone to play golf today.

beanieb Tue 26-Aug-08 15:37:14

was this the first time you realised tehy were still in contact?

Witchybella Tue 26-Aug-08 15:41:52

Yes it was the first time that I knew. So a shock.

beanieb Tue 26-Aug-08 15:44:51

hmmm... in that cas I would be worried. I think what everlong is suggesting is worth doing, though it depends on if you feel like you can snoop or not - you may prefer to as talking to him could make him out his guard up.

Witchybella Tue 26-Aug-08 15:50:37

Yes I feel that talking to him has got his guard up as he seems different some how. Its going to be differcult with going away as I feel I am not going to rest wondering what he is up to.

emma2617 Tue 26-Aug-08 16:05:25

Oh dear...I can see myself about a year ago here! Before I start, don't judge me...we have worked through it now!!!

I met DP online and we met up with the intention of just s"scratching an itch" if you see what I mean blush but we clicked and continued seeing each other, but I didn't really know where I stood so I continued to see someone else, on a purely physical basis! DP found out and was not happy which shocked me into realising hwat I could have lost and I soon snapped out of it. After that he checked my phone everyday...he doesnt know I know, but my phone works in such a way that when you open the menu it takes you to exactly where you were the last time you used it!! So i could always tell when he had checked my phone. It only served to really pee me off!!!

But then I noticed he was getting lots of texts at random times, that he still had his ex's number on his phone and that he would never let me look at his phone...all very suspicious, then I caught a glimpse of a text he received, a picture of a woman naked, needless to say i wasn't impressed as it looked a little like his ex...but he said it was his mates mucking around and it was "some random bird off the internet". But the seed of doubt was planted...everytime he went out I thought he was going to meet his ex, if he was half hour late from work etc.

I would recommend talking to him but I know that didn't work for us. We just continued, both knowing we loved each other, and now I trust him whole heartedly and he will even let me touch his phone, I have to ask though!!!

Before you snoop...if he has been honest with you about who he was texting...and he could have lied...he would probably be honest about anything going on. Imagine how hurt he would be if he found out you'd be snooping and he was innocent.

Not very helpful I know...but I think everyone is different, some people can talk through this kind of thing whereas we have to muddle through as talking doesnt seem to work!!

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