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Irrational I know but does anyone understand?

(29 Posts)
Hollowhead Mon 25-Aug-08 12:58:11

DH spends ages in the toilet and always seems to go in there when he knows everyone else needs to be in there such as early in the morning when the kids need to get ready for schoole etc.

The pattern is:

DH goes into bathroom and locks the door. Doesn't ask if anyone else needs the bathroom first, just thinks of himself as usual.

Then 20 minutes later one of us asks "are you nearly finished? we need to get ready" which is often men with "yeah, nearly".

10 minutes after that "are you nearly finished?? I'm going to be late for work, I need to use the bathroom" met with "yes, nearly finished".

10 minutes later "I'm late for work and the kids are late for school, can you get out of the bathroom so we can use it? there are other people in this house you know!" met with "for gods sake, I'm nearly finished!".

Anyway, 5 minutes later he'll come out and close the door behind him saying "I'd give it 10 minutes or so if I were you..." angryangry I remind him that everyone else is late and he replies with "I know, I'm just saying...you might want to wait a few minutes..."

So few minutes later, we go in, room stinks, window WIDE open (often in the depths of winter) kids refusing to go in and get ready...

So is this a control issue? he likes to make us wait for him? or am I genuinly being unfair and irrational?

TheArmadillo Mon 25-Aug-08 12:59:50

that must be hugely infuriating.

Does he need to leave at the same time as everyone else?

Can you get up earlier and use the bathroom before he goes in there.

maidamess Mon 25-Aug-08 13:00:56

Oh, how strange?

is this every morning?

CAn't you suggest his bathroom routine (whatever it is) is having such a detrimental effect on the rest of the family, he must get up half an hour earlier and have a dump then?

I don't think its a control thing, its a thoughtless thing. And get some air freshener!

(This is the second stinky poo thread I've added to today...)

AvenaLife Mon 25-Aug-08 13:01:56

It sounds like a control thing if he does this every day and he knows that people are waiting. Surly an adult has better control over their bowel and can wait for 10 minutes?

I'd be tempted to take the lock off the door so he can't lock himself in or just run to the bathroom with the children before he has the chance to lock himself in. It's easy to get into a routine of going to the loo at the same time though.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Mon 25-Aug-08 13:01:56

Get up earlier than him so you can all use the loo first.

Or install another loo.

Or feed him some Exlax. grin

KerryMum Mon 25-Aug-08 13:02:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fryalot Mon 25-Aug-08 13:03:39

take the lock off the door

Portofino Mon 25-Aug-08 13:04:10

LOL KerryMum - that was my initial thought too....

Hollowhead Mon 25-Aug-08 13:10:33

Thats the annoying thing, it usually is every morning or everytime we're about to go out. Anothr thing he does is stays in bed for a 'lie-in' and I have always hated doing this so I get up and get in the bath...you can guarantee 10 minutes later he'll knock on the door and says he needs the toilet angry

Yesterday we had planned a day out but wanted to beat the traffic so the plan was to get up early, have breakfast and be out the door by 10am. So me and the kids are up by 8am, have breakfast, I shout of him and get "coming" hmm by 9pm he's still in bed angry so I get the kids ready etc (USE THE BATHROOM WHILE WE CAN angry ) and shout of him again...its 9.30am and he's still in bed angry. He finally rolls down stairs at 9.45 and sits on the sofa and puts the news on. I said "what are you doing? we wanted to be out of the house by 10am" and he answered with "alright! I'm just waking up a bit, can you make us a cup of tea?" angry I said "no, you won't have time to drink it, it's almost 10am" so he replied with "for gods sake you're so uptight and stressed all the time" angry

So he strolls back upstairs, gets dressed, me and the kids are stood at the door waiting and when he comes back down I said "you ready?" and he says "in a minute, just need to do my hair" angry

So we finally get out of the house at 10.44am, we're driving down the street and he says "oh shit, I forgot to do my teeth" angry I reply with "oh right" so he looks at me and says "did you hear what I just said?" so I said "yes, and??" and he replies "I forgot to brush my teeth, can you turn back please?" angryangry

AvenaLife Mon 25-Aug-08 13:16:21

I'd have left without him. There's no excuse for letting his children down and making them wait for him. next time don't wake him up and go out without him. If you are going to have a bath then warn him first. Tell him you won't be opening the door and stick to it!

He's behaving like a teenager (not all teenagers though)!

lojoesmammy Mon 25-Aug-08 13:20:24

Firstly I would take the lock of the bathroom door, if he can't respect the fact that there is more than one person in the house well thats his fault. Also, I would have left him there and took the kids out on my own.

frisbyrat Mon 25-Aug-08 13:22:24

He is an obnoxious boor. You poor thing.

nervousal Mon 25-Aug-08 13:23:01

I'd have left without him too - what a tosser!

BroccoliSpears Mon 25-Aug-08 13:23:28

He sounds very selfish.

Does he realise how unfair to the rest of his family he is being and just not care? Or does he not realise?

everlong Mon 25-Aug-08 13:51:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 25-Aug-08 13:53:57

My DH has no control over his toilet functions - when he has to go he has to go even if I'm in the bath! He does spray air freshener but that's almost as bad. However...he only takes a few minutes. I have never understood why men take ages in the loo. What are they doing?
Mine is also awful at getting up but he wouldn't make everyone wait in that way. Selfish bugger.

Elf Mon 25-Aug-08 14:26:48

You are just going to have to kill him I'm afraid.

EelCod Mon 25-Aug-08 14:33:23

yes mine does that

i shout at him

EelCod Mon 25-Aug-08 14:33:39

i THINK
men dont push poos out

TheFallenMadonna Mon 25-Aug-08 14:35:12

? cod

You mean they just angle themselves appropriately and wait for gravity to do its job?

EelCod Mon 25-Aug-08 14:35:34

yep

TheFallenMadonna Mon 25-Aug-08 14:36:37

Interesting.

DH always needs a long lead time too.

mumblechum Mon 25-Aug-08 14:39:56

Get another bathroom fitted. We have a rule when buying houses, the number of bathrooms has to be the same as the number of arses.

Mumbles Guide to Family Harmony, Revised Edition £8.99

helips Mon 25-Aug-08 14:41:48

My sympathies, my dh takes ages to do a number 2, he even takes the laptop in with him,yuck!

Don't think its for wank as it stinks after, unless he does that whilst he poos shock

kitsmummy Mon 25-Aug-08 15:03:14

ok, i always think it's first come first served when it comes to bathrooms - eg i used to get in the shower and then DH would insist that he needed to use the bathroom NOW. No - get up earlier instead of thinking you can just kick me out of the bathroom cos you need it. BUT....we're both fairly quick in the bathroom, 15 mins max, and it works fine now, you just wait for the other person to finish. Your DH is being totally ridiculous to hog the bathroom for that long in the morning, that's just not fair.

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