Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I feel really bitter, how best to deal with it?

(21 Posts)
MrsSnape Mon 25-Aug-08 11:11:34

I was in a relationship for almost 3 years and it ended last year after a disastrous holiday to Ibiza (you may remember the threads!). Anyway, aside from this bloke being a man-child, living off his mother and expecting me to "Look after him" like she did, I now realise he wasn't nice to my kids.

Incidents include him "squaring up" to my then 4 year old and saying "come on then!" etc shock

Saying my dyspraxic son was an embarrassment because he was a messy eater in a cafe.

More or less said my kids were being dragged up, not brought up like his perfect mum did with him.

Saying my son was 'ifeminate' (sp?)

Calling my 6 year old a git.

Saying his own kids would be nothing like mine as mine had no discipline or respect.

oh the list goes on, he was basically a complete twat and I've not seen him since last year but I get so angry now when I think about it. I feel so bitter and feel like he needs to be told angry he does pop up on msn every now and again and sends me messages about crap (usually a link to some crap joke) but I'm feeling more and more angry towards him lately. DS said to me yesterday "remember when 'ex' used to say stuff like "when I was your age, I was programming computers" why did he say that?" etc.

How should I handle this? should I send him a letter telling what I think of him? stop all contact and try and forget about it? what do i do?

RubySlippers Mon 25-Aug-08 11:13:01

write the letter but don't post it

he is a twunt by the sounds of it and long term you will be ok

charliecat Mon 25-Aug-08 11:14:32

Write the letter and burn it with whatever you have left of his.
Twunt.

Seabright Mon 25-Aug-08 11:16:22

Block him from your MSN contacts & delete his email address from your PC.

MrsSnape Mon 25-Aug-08 11:16:29

I've just deleted him from my msn list. Last time I did this however he knew what I'd done, how?

youcannotbeserious Mon 25-Aug-08 11:18:11

Let me guess: He's never had kids, never had a wife, never had much of anything other than him standing on a moral molehill (for that is what it is) lecturing others.

My advice would be: One evening: Pour yourself a glass of wine, toast yourself for getting away from sad wanker man, toast your children for their uniqueness, their individuality, their oneness... and change your e-mail so the sad wanker can't contact you.

Enjoy your kids. They are unlike any others! smile

Cappuccino Mon 25-Aug-08 11:19:10

no, no letter, you need to move on now

stop contact

tell your children that the bloke said stuff because some people aren't good to have in your life, and they say things to make themselves feel big

your ex is history now for both you and your children, don't bring him into your present

who cares if he knows you have deleted him? you are his ex. None of my exes think it is their right to send me bad jokes

Mummyfor3 Mon 25-Aug-08 11:19:17

Consider counselling?

I am suggesting it simply because you can obiously not alther the past (nor ex twatpartner) but you can learn to adjust you psychological response to it.

It would be a shame if you became more and more bitter and it might taint how you deal with future relationships, iykwim?

electra Mon 25-Aug-08 11:20:42

There is a programme called aMSN which will show who has deleted you from their contact list, however it will not tell you if they have blocked you...

MrsSnape Mon 25-Aug-08 11:21:16

thanks youcannotbeserious. You described him pefectly. He's one of these people that thinks bringing up kids is really easy and you can mould them like robots to behave exactly how you think they should.

He's never had experience of kids, never mind his own. Never had a serious relationship before me, spent all his money on computer games and still thought a good night out involved sitting in a car park with chavved up sheds cars.

God he makes me so angry angry I will toast myself though grin I like that idea!

electra Mon 25-Aug-08 11:21:42

He sounds awful by the way - poor you angry

MrsSnape Mon 25-Aug-08 11:25:26

Thanks electra, he was also a classic passive aggressive...saying something one minute then denying saying it the next. Never remembering bits of certain conversations and refusing to talk about anything that might reflect badly on him. Can't believe I fell for all that crap. I'm so angry with myself.

Why am I angry now though? just these past few weeks I've felt so annoyed about it, you'd have thought these feelings would have appeared when we first broke up?

It was sort of after an argument about single parents where he said single parents shouldn't get so much help because it encourages them to 'open their legs' and not stick with the family unit blah blah fucking blah angryangry

youcannotbeserious Mon 25-Aug-08 11:28:55

i think i met him once wink

Look on the anger as a good thing - you will Never subject your kids to that again! And then grin cos you had the sense to get away.

IMHO (and, as I said, I met him!) he's contacting you because you are his link to normality (AKA: Iam normal because I once had a 3 year relationship).

And, if I were you, I'd consider changing your passwords too. After 3 years, he may well know them and (IMHO) he's not beneath checking your accounts... might just be how he knows what you've done.

Use the anger as a good thing, though... Remember you'll never do it again. That, in itself, is positive. grin

kikid Mon 25-Aug-08 11:34:34

I'm sorry you went through this mrs snape. < Hug >

Some men really are "not quite finished" and it does seem that he is very immature. I think the feelings of guilt you have are normal up to a point, but it could be you are feeling depressed too?

I hope you can put this behind you and accept you are a good mum.

AbbeyA Mon 25-Aug-08 11:47:42

Stop all contact and forget about him-he isn't worth it.

youcannotbeserious Mon 25-Aug-08 11:49:15

AbbeyA - you speak sense! grin

Lauriefairycake Mon 25-Aug-08 11:53:30

you might be angry with him cos you're really angry with you - angry cos you picked and stayed with him for three years. Angry cos time is passing....?

If true, try not to beat yourself up any longer smile You are obviously well rid of him and at least you can focus on you and what you want in the future. Focus on the now, the future and not the past - journeying into the past just gives your mind license to be annoyed with itself for making the 'wrong' choices.

and I like the idea of toasting yourself and your unique and special children.

ConstanceWearing Mon 25-Aug-08 11:56:51

If YCBS met him once, I married him twice grin

Think of him as a disease. Regret you ever had it, and be glad you're now over it

ConstanceWearing Mon 25-Aug-08 11:59:15

Yes, you might be angry that you made some wrong choices, but you also made a good one in the end. Don't forget to praise yourself for chucking him!! <claps hands. Yay MrsSnape>

youcannotbeserious Mon 25-Aug-08 12:05:44

Exactly... 3 cheers for getting rid of the silly knobber (just saw that phrase on another thread and though grin how appropriate')

hip hip hooray
hip hip hooray
hip hip hooray
Yeah Mrssnape

PersephoneSnape Mon 25-Aug-08 12:15:55

from one snape to another - he was absolutely useless, you're well rid, don't waste another moment even thinking about this bloke. delete or block and tell your kids that sometimes people say things before they actually think them through.

you sound like a smashing mum. it's probably a snape family thing i think.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now