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Need help coping with irritating FIL

(11 Posts)
timpanzee Fri 22-Aug-08 12:55:32

Hey all
Wonder if anyone can help with some coping strategies for dealing with the FIL.
I know in the scheme of things this isn't a massive issue, but, it stresses me out before each visit and for days afterwards when I'm fuming.
He's a clever man, but has a really annoying way about him that makes me want to punch him in the face. If I haven't heard of something he's talking about stupid things like the name of a river, or local history where HE's from then he'll suck his breath in and tut and shake his head from side to side and generally make me feel like I'm f*cking stupid - this in my own house by the way. Now I've half a brain and am well educated but just may not share the same knowledge as him so why the f*ck should he think I do?

VinegarTits Fri 22-Aug-08 13:01:13

Ignore him, let it go over your head. Your getting way too stressed about something small. Just look distance when he talks to you like your bored, or talk about things he doesnt know much about and tut and shake your head back at him.

timpanzee Fri 22-Aug-08 13:03:40

Yep I'm pretty good at the bored look. I was just hoping I could reach a state of not acutally being bothered by it.

constancereader Fri 22-Aug-08 13:10:43

Try addressing it directly.
Something like
"Well, we can't all know everything. I'm sure there are things I know about that are a closed book to you"
If you say it pleasantly it probably won't cause an argument. If he did modify his behaviour you would be doing him a favour - his behaviour is very rude. No wonder it annoys you.

VinegarTits Fri 22-Aug-08 13:12:26

Make an ape face and monkey noises at him when he does it, when he look perplexed tell him you have an twitch.

Really, dont let it get to you

timpanzee Fri 22-Aug-08 13:18:49

lol VT!

yeah i think you're right CR

AmyWinehousesMum Fri 22-Aug-08 14:38:05

I think he's insecure. He doesn't feel he can make you like him, so he's trying to make you look up to him instead.

Agree with pps though. Just look at him for a moment too long with a bored/perplexed expression that could mean anything from "is he finished talking yet?" to "oh how wonderful, more tales from the riverbank".

Pinkjenny Fri 22-Aug-08 14:39:48

My FIL drives me mad as well, for different reasons. I've learnt that retaliation just causes problems between me and dh, so I just try to completely ignore him. As does my SIL.

And then I ring my mum later on and vent. grin

SueMunch Fri 22-Aug-08 15:21:02

tell him to bore off

normally works for me

TwoWindyDays Fri 22-Aug-08 16:08:04

pretent to be utterly fascinated in said river etc, ask inane questions about it until he runs out of answers then tut because he doesnt know. Dont forget to get him a boring book on the topic every Christmas.


do a bit of research on an obscure village in Cornwall and go on and on and on about it, Wiki is good for this, and dont forget to ask him questions about it now and again. When he tries to change the subject bring it right back again and waffle on for another ten minutes on Neolithic pottery or the Blue John mining collapse, or the Corn Laws or whatever you think he wont know about

TwoWindyDays Fri 22-Aug-08 16:09:14

main thing i meant to say but forgot, was to turn it into a bit of a game, not too serious, but enough to take away the stress and to preserve your relationship with DH. He cant get to you if you dont let him.

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